Denial...Oh the Sweet Denial

So...Sam and I were talking today, and of course my comment at the end of my last post has had him thinking. As much as he loves to cum for me, he also loves to feel so horny for me, but most of all he really just wants to please me as much as he can. I do know that in his core, despite whatever daily struggles exist, he is a good submissive, he does want to please me more than anything and make me very happy. I love him very much and I love this about him, and I don't take it for granted.

I do make sure that Sam always feels a connection as my submissive, and I don't neglect my Mistress duties. He has given me complete control over so many aspects of his being and his life, which really is a gift of infinite value...and one that I am very honored and lucky and happy to receive from him, so I always make sure to show him I appreciate it. Of course many times that means I am evil...but what good would I do to show I appreciate that gift if I didn't use it as much as I want to right?

Anyway, we had a little discussion about it when we first skyped this morning, and then we went off to do something things apart. I realized I was extremely wet just from the brief talk we had...because the thing is, I miss him being so horny for me like he has been in the past, where he leaks and throbs all day long with need for me and can't help but ask for more evil tortures. We haven't been able to have a long streak like that in so long now.

When we met back up again a little later Sam confessed that my toy was driving him nuts today over the thought of me denying him, and even though he was dead tired, it was awake and wanting him to get himself in trouble...LOL.

Yeah...not to beat a dead horse, but Sam had like one whole week of decent sleep and then his body reverted back to its fricken insomnia. I think after the sinus surgery if it doesn't really get turned around, then he is going to have to go get a thorough sleep study to find out what the heck is going on. This insomnia is ridiculous and it spoils so much. But it is NOT his fault. I mean...he would give anything to be sleeping rather than watching the minutes pass by getting more and more tired day after day. And with him, even the strongest of sleeping pills won't work to get him into a deep sleep. He has tried at least a dozen of them. I personally think that once he is back working again, and has the surgery it will get better. Right now he can't even get out for long health walks because his worst pollen allergy is in full force right now and he cannot chance that infection coming back and ruining his chances for surgery soon. So he isn't really getting a lot of activity in and that also has an effect on sleeping. But if any of our readers have any tips, tricks or ideas we have not thought of please let us know. He uses a photo therapy lamp which has helped quite a bit, but something still isn't quite right. I feel so bad for him when he doesn't sleep, it puts a damper on everything. Him, me, the whole thing. It has been the cause of nearly every fight we ever have too. It just sucks.

Anyway as I write this I am confident he IS sleeping, because I was supposed to hear from him 90 minutes ago if he wasn't...so I hope that he is off into a nice deep sleep and that tomorrow he feels great again!

Now back to the fun stuff...when we came together on skype, I told Sam how wet I was over the thought of actually denying him again for a long while and using him hard and making him crazy horny...and my toy was reacting to it. Sam loves to turn me on, he lives for it really. I told him how much I missed having him in that state for me...and before he knew it, between his desires to please me and my toys reactions for me, he was flat out begging me to please deny him and really drive him crazy.

Now this is after 5.5 weeks already since he last came, and despite everything he does have a feeling of wanting to cum, even if sleep has been such a struggle. But he sat there and begged me to please deny him...and I loved hearing that from him, because all he cared about in that moment was giving me as much pleasure as he could, and he could beg me for that, rather than ask to cum.

So I ended up saying yes...so for right now he is on an official denial. Right now my plan is to build his horny level as high as I can get it before his surgery...then I expect a week or two there will be a substantial drop as he recovers. When I had my sinus surgery done (just sinuses) it was the absolutely WORST headache I ever imagined was possible to have and he has to have his septum fixed to, so he is going to be worse off than I was for sure. So I expect there won't be much horniess for at least a week.

He has been told that how good of a slut he is for me before surgery, how enthusiastic and pleasing he is, will determine how far I deny him after surgery. If he makes a very good effort for me before surgery then after surgery I might only deny him days or a week or two...but if he isn't acting up to par for me, then he knows that denial is going to be extreme.

Of course this is what I want right now...I have been known to change my mind from time to time when something isn't working or giving me the results I wanted, but most likely I won't deviate from this.

After that we played a little and I teased him and scared him and got him quite horny for me. And then he focused on pleasing me and got me to a very hard orgasm, our first together since my surgery, and it was FANTASTIC!!! I really needed it badly.

I still have a week and a half off work...and I hope this coming week he sleeps better so we can make the most of our time together. I think what I most looked forward to with having this time off work was just to spend more time with him. Time to just be lazy together and talk and laugh and play. We really need that this coming week. So please everyone cross your fingers that he gets a surgery date soon and that he sleeps better this week so we can really enjoy each other before I get back to work.