I Want it ALL

I was doing a little thinking today...I am sure with Sam's new little task he is going to do for me and most of what you see on this blog, and because we have some new followers each day, I wanted to take a few minutes to mention that I really do want it all when it comes to my relationship with Sam.

First and foremost he is the man that I love very much, he is my friend as well. I look forward to coming home every day and sharing everything with him, I talk to him about everything. I know he is always there for me and will do anything he can to make sure I am happy. Not to say he hasn't had less than shining moments during the sickness of the past year, because he has, but the core of him is a good person.

Secondly he is my submissive slut. He gave me complete control over all things related to him being a submissive slut for Christmas, and I accepted. That was over 2 years in the coming for him to be ready to fully surrender and I knew when he said the words that he meant them with all of his being, he really wanted no more control left.

Sam is not a sissy...he is a man who happens to be a submissive slut. He doesn't live as sissy or transgender, but I have the right to make him dress as one or even if I wish spend a period of time behaving as one. That is part of the control he gave to me.

I don't really see ever turning Sam into a full time sissy.

The thing is, one day Sam and I hope to close the gap between us and be together in person all the time. When that day happens, I don't think Sam will spend as much time dressing so slutty as he does now.

When we are together, I will want to spend time with just the man I love. I will want to see him dressed up in manly clothes taking me out to dinner. I will want to introduce him to family and friends as the man in my life, etc etc. I will sometimes want to spend nights cuddled up to him watching a movie (if we could ever agree on one to watch together LOL)...but other times I am going to want to dress him as a slut and humiliate him.

I will love that I could go out to dinner with him dressed as a very sexy man, and then take him home and turn him into the sexiest looking slut too, and that he can really play the part so well...because he is a slut.

It gives me such a thrill to think that the future can hold the best of the vanilla life along with the kinkiest of the D/s life, and that both will fit together very well. Until that time, with the distance between us, it is just nicer to have him spend more time being slutty because it keeps him connected to me in a way that he wouldn't be. It is the constant reminder of what is mine and what he gave me, and the loss of control for him, and that I can use him...but when we are together all the time, I can keep him in that place so much easier without the need for him to spend the majority of his life dressed as a slut.

I am not even sure if in the future I would want to be together with him in public in a vanilla setting with him dressed as a slut, those outings might just be for him to make alone to suffer the public humiliation for me. But you never know, perhaps where we end up living I won't feel so inhibited and I will learn to love being in public with him both ways...I don't rule anything out.

One thing I do not see happening is me sharing him beyond videos and cam shows for others to see. I want to keep the commitment just between the two of us, hence I would never cuckold him or anything like that.

I do dream of having a very kick ass website one day when we live together, where we have videos of play sessions often and all sorts of fun things...but we will see on that one too.

Just thought I would share a bit about my thoughts on things and what I like...and what Sam is.