Christina & Sam's D/s Journey

New Blog, Some Changes

2012-01-30T23:36:00.002-05:00

Due to Sam still trying to get his life back on track and his health in the right direction, we have agreed that I will play in person with another submissive who I have been friends with for quite some time and also have been tasking for many months. His name is Jay.

Sam agreed that since our plans still have not worked out that I do deserve this chance to play in person and he is happy for me and supportive.

Things with Sam and I have not changed, we are still together as well and still hoping our time will come too.

And on a side note about his health, he is finally having the best Doctors in Finland going through everything with a fine tooth comb so to speak so that he can get his life back on the right track. I am helping any way I can, but being able to play with jay too is keeping me sane.

So I have started a new blog, my blog, one where I will talk about myself, sam and Jay...something separate from this blog which will still be active when Sam is well again!

Here is the new blog, come check it out!!!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T21:47:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas Mistress and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to our readers. Things are gettting better slowly and we should be posting more the next year.

Sam

3 Years

2011-11-28T19:29:00.003-05:00

Sunday made 3 Years that Sam and I have been together in our D/s...but it wasn't the fun day it should have been because of circumstances as they are, but I do hope that this coming weekend we can celebrate it.

Nothing new to report, Sam is still working on getting his life back in order and it takes time. I am trying to be patient while waiting, which is not my strong suit. I have so many plans for him and things I want to do that have to wait. I still have hope things will be back to what they once were.

Happy Birthday

2011-11-12T22:31:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday to my slut today...well it is already his birthday over in Finland :). Right now he is getting some much needed sleep so we can have some fun :)

A New Ruined Orgasm

2011-10-02T02:54:00.002-04:00

Today when Sam and I were skyping I told him that I wanted to get him to an edge and make him ruin an orgasm for me. He hadn't had a ruined one in 3 months and hasn't had a real one in almost 6 months, so for health reasons I felt he had to expel a little cum for me, but since things are still in limbo as he is getting his life back in order after being sick for so long, and he hasn't yet reached the level of desperation that I desire, I won't let him have a real one yet.

It didn't take much effort to get to the edge, I was teasing him about things that will come in the future and then there was the moaning and groaning as he suffered a ruined one for me which is just total frustration and agony. I love it of course. And he made quite a mess on himself but lucky for him I let him go wash it away. There is plenty of time for cum eating later :)

After that ruined one his mind was converting almost everything said to sex, so hopefully that gets him back on the right track.

I am still busier than ever so maybe this is good timing with him getting things in order, as I don't really have much free time lately. I am working hard for some craft fairs in order to use that money to pay for a nice treadmill. I like the idea of associating the treadmill with how many hours I have spent at my craft desk (which is a freaking ton) so that I have a greater appreciation for the piece of equipment that is going to help me change my life. It has been raining so much here this fall that it is making it difficult to get my quota of walks in each week, so I am falling 1 or 2 short of my 5. But I should be getting the treadmill here in a couple of weeks I hope and then that problem will be solved.

Things are looking up.

Wow, 22 Weeks!!!

2011-09-16T15:53:00.002-04:00

It seems my slut hasn't cum for 22 weeks.

oh well, he can wait some more :)

Things are still hectic for us both.

I am sure you can all imagine what has gotten behind when you are unwell for a year and a half straight...and I don't want to start teasing all of you with fun if we can't be consistent with it yet, so please continue to be patient as Sam gets everything caught up and also more stamina rebuilt for being used hard core.

he still has his allergy and sinus struggles because they won't do his surgery until the winter...and all the dramatic changes his body went through in the last month have messed with his thyroid level again so we are tweaking that some more. But on the whole his sleep is far improved and he is getting better in the big picture.

He is definitely eager to start being used as my horny slut again hard core.

As for me I am up to my ears these days in paper, glue and ribbon, LOL. I am signed up for several craft fairs selling my hand made cards and such because I am using the money to buy myself a treadmill.

I continue to lose weight at a nice good pace, and have crossed the 40 pound mark since mid may so I am thrilled. I am still walking and getting better and faster at that every week! I am so proud of myself for living a healthier lifestyle, not just dieting, I am really changing habits to good healthy ones.

We will keep you posted.

Few Fun Bits

2011-08-31T17:02:00.002-04:00

During the last few weeks I have been having some fun with my slut again.

Last week was the first week in over a week where there was him following his daily rules and rituals every day of the week, and us having some sort of fun.

That toy of mine is always eager to be used again and he is horny and hard at waking.

I've taken to having him give me a first of the morning edge out on his balcony where he would have to wonder if someone could see him...though it is not too likely.

Until further notice he is to have hair, nails and make up done every day.

He has been experiencing embarrassment and humiliation again with that :).

One day I had him keep his curtains open and get onto his table with his dildo and with his ass high in the air, he had to suck and blow the dildo for me, with a slight chance that someone could get a glimpse of him there.

Things are continuing to look up and hopefully before too long we will be sharing even more fun details here.

And on a personal note, last night I reached 35.8 pounds of weight loss since mid May. Very happy about that!!!

Little Update

2011-08-25T17:06:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to say that the last 3 weeks since Sam stopped eating all gluten have just gotten better and better!!!

He is sleeping pretty much 8 deep hours every night and finally getting rid of his sleep debt.

He is back to following his Rules and Rituals and being horny every waking second for me, begging me to be super evil!!!

So we are having fun finally, and after so long without this kind of fun, we are taking it all in just the two of us and also because of how long Sam was sick he has a lot to catch up on so that is why we aren't sharing the details yet.

But don't worry we will soon!

Things haven't been THIS good in well over a year so I really don't forsee it turning bad again.

Hooray....Health Puzzle Solved

2011-08-16T16:44:00.002-04:00

Hello Everyone...first we would like to apologize for the lack of posts the last few weeks. We had been so excited a couple months back to find out about Sam's anemia and we thought that was the missing link to his health issues that have plagued us during the last year, but once again it was a short lived improvement. It got a little depressing to tell the truth and I didn't want to post anything else until we had better news.

I am one stubborn Mistress because I wanted my Sam to get better and I could not accept that once again he improved just to go rapidly worse. And the level of insomnia he was having for months and months on end was really the worst I have ever heard of. He literally was a walking zombie in a mental fog all the time with no energy to do practically anything. I couldn't stand to think that this would be the rest of his life. So once again I set about researching.

I spent hours on the net again trying to find the missing link, feeling deep down in my gut that the real root of all of these auto immune problems was still there eating away at him one day at a time. So I scoured the net until I found something else that sparked my attention and then I focused in on that and it was like a huge light bulb flashed and I got chills because I was sure I had found not only what was still wrong with Sam but also what had causd all of this that he has been through.

So I called him right away and he literally rushed out the door to get a panel of blood work and a biopsy done to see if I was right. I was certain that Sam has Celiac Disease. That is the disease where when your body has gluten enter it, the body attacks but rather than attack the gluten, it attacks your own tissues and glands and organs and nervous system. It actually could indeed be the CAUSE of all of this problems including the fact he became lactose intolerant too. It also accounts for the endless sinus infections, the auto immune diseases he has and well, just every single thing that has happened to him in the last few years.

So we had to wait two weeks for the test results to come back, but in the mean time Sam agreed to have a gluten free diet, and within just a day his sleep started to improve and it has been improving ever since along with the other symptoms too. What a relief. We pretty much knew the answer already, but we didn't want to post anything on our blog until we knew for sure.

I have been saying all along to Sam (even last summer) that I was sure there was something else going on that was causing all this, but the doctors couldn't come up with anything, and in the end I had to take matters into my own hands to save the one I love. As you know Sam has had many serious health problems this last year especially, that I feel like discovering this very well may have saved his life in the long run.

It is very possible that an adult that doesn't have an extreme version of Celiac Disease can live with it untreated for many many years while it attacks their body in various ways before it would ever be discovered. It is different than with a child who would be failing to gain weight, or actually losing weight and muscle tone. And because all his symptoms actually fit with the other auto immune sicknesses he has, the doctors were not looking for anything else, despite the fact that with all his treatments rather than get better and better he was getting worse and worse. The doctors just felt that everything could have been explained just from what he already knew he had.

So now it is pretty simple, no new meds to take, in fact just a dietary change. Let me just say that the last two weeks I have seen more improvement in Sam than I did at any other point, even with the small improvements he made with each sickness found. For the first time I think we both actually believe the very worst is over and it should be all getting better from here.

I feel like now he can really get his life back, get back to work here soon and already we are starting to have our fun and let me say that this time something IS different and Sam is coming back to me.

Just be patient a little longer with us for the super fun posts to start...

And thank you for those of you who have taken a moment here and there to send us nice comments/emails because it really means a lot to know that you care and wish us well.

Fast Update

2011-07-26T23:31:00.003-04:00

I was home only long enough to sleep all weekend, and came home to a broken washer that resulted in me not having clothes to wear to work Monday and an unplanned personal day to deal with that.

Tonight we had our annual picnic for my weight loss group so no weigh in. I did however kick start another week of walking with my first of five walks and upped my time 5 more minutes again and let me tell you I feel it. What a hardcore work out that was!

During the weekend I did allow sam to stroke and rub and edge for me often and also freedom to choose his porn and he did get quite nicely horny for me. He knows though there is pretty much no chance of him cumming before this net shit gets resolved and I can see him. He is working hard at it every day though which is why I gave him the freedom of porn and touching with the stipulation he use it to get as horny as possible for me. So while it was a reward it also was for me too. And truth be told this weekend I wasn't even as readily available by email to him as I normally am able to be with my smart phone, so this worked out well.

I cannot wait for this weekend, I have already been turning down plans that a few people are pushing me to do, because I just need a low key weekend at home doing what I want to do. Spend some time with my slut and spend some time making cards. I get cranky if I have too many busy weekends in a row!

Little Friday Evening Quickie

2011-07-23T02:48:00.002-04:00

Sam and I were able to have a bit of fun this evening. :).

Nothing major but I did tease him to the edge for me and laid out a few things that he must do this coming week for me, to help get him back to being sluttier.

He edged and I came so that was a successful play session.

I am going to be very busy with family events this weekend so not sure how much more time there is to play, but we shall see.

Tuesday Update

2011-07-19T23:50:00.002-04:00

Well...my Good News. I lost another 3.4 pounds this week and have now lost 21.6 since my surgery!! I also for my 5 walks in again for the week and started my first of the coming week tonight.

And Sam is getting better from the infection. This time they played it really smart and gave him two strong antibiotics until the cultures came back so that they could drop the one that was not needed. By doing this of course he felt shitty because he was on two strong meds and got flushed 3 to 4 times, but the rest of the symptoms including the fever did not advance as much as past infections so I guess it was worth it.

Now he should be recovering nicely and I hope we can have a fun Saturday.

Poor Slut :(

2011-07-17T20:22:00.002-04:00

Well my poor slut has another bacterial sinus infection and is once again getting flushed and antibiotics. It sucks but nothing that we can do but be patient for this sinus surgery. Until that is fixed he is going to keep getting these, and right now is his absolute worst pollen season so his allergies are at their max. The doctor said that they don't want him to have the surgery until allergy season is over because they are afraid he will be more prone to an infection after surgery, but the ironic thing is that while I can understand that infection right after surgery is more dangerous probably, right now it sucks that he will keep getting infections till after surgery.

He does handle it well. I mean I don't think I could sit through 1 sinus flushing and he has probably had between 50-100 easily in the last year. I cannot even imagine it. And he pretty much always needs my pushing to go sign up for that torture, but then he goes because he knows he has to.

Well this should all be behind us in a few months at least. And now the B12 is kicking in more and more so hopefully once this infection is cleared up we can make the most of the time before the next one hits, LOL. Eventually this entire ordeal will just be in the past and we can all get what we are waiting for. I can use my slut hard again, he can be used hard again, and you all can read all the sexy details.

I figure since it gets cold earlier there than here it really is only a few months more at max till they do his surgery. What is a few more months in the big picture.

Few Tid Bits

2011-07-14T22:06:00.004-04:00

This picture was from a long time ago...but it will always be one of my favorites. I can still remember that night and how horny my slut was for me. He was super horny and desperate to cum for me. We had just started using this vibrator and the painters tape to keep it in place. On this particular night we had it set up so that he was able to slightly stroke with the vibe too, and he was on edge non stop and as you can see he was more than a little LEAKY. Now this is how a good slut should be, leaking for his Mistress. I was so amused when he finally begged to cum that night, and it probably would have been a really exciting one to give him, but I had to say no and deny him because on that night he had actually started playing with my toy on skype before he had permission without even realizing, and I didn't bring it to his attention till he asked to cum. And then I said that naughty sluts who touch their Mistress' toys don't get the pleasure of cumming. I can't wait till I can see him leaking for me again.

I have started making Sam wear his high heels some now that he has been home. I just love this shot from the past of him cumming all over his heels. I mean how slutty is that. And after he came on them he had to lick them clean too. I can't wait to make him cum on his heels, real or ruined, doesn't matter, what I am desperate for is watching him kneel there for me and slowly lick every last drop of it for me. I am SOOOOO eager to watch my slut eating cum for me again.

And then there is this one. He took this one for me a while ago. I just love that 24/7 no matter what he has had his toe nails painted for me. I love that even on a day I allow him to be very manly, he is still going to see his pink toe nails. Really it is a perfect touch for any submissive to remind them and make them more aware of their status and their Mistress, even if you aren't at all into being made to do it like Sam is. It is easily hidden from those you don't want to see it, but yet always with you. I love that when I allow him to have hairy legs, it is such a contrast, and then again, it also turns me on to see his legs shaved smooth, knowing that he only does such a thing for me and only me.

Hopefully we are nearing the end of him not having a working net at home, besides the work laptop and net card which doesn't allow him to use his cam. That is part of the reason for the delays on us getting things rolling on this blog again. He can't get his regular camera or web cam to work with the work laptop. It is modified and the net card also can only be used in that computer. So we only have voice services right now. If all goes well he should have a working net card to use in his own computer soon, maybe even before the net gets fixed. The problem has been located but given that he lives in a huge apartment building it has to go through chains of approval before the work can be done because the issue is in the building and not due to the net company.

To Answer Appy's Question about Weight Loss

2011-07-13T21:48:00.003-04:00

I thought I would answer it here since more of you may be wondering how I am going about losing weight.

Well, I've been around the block long enough to know that I have to change my life style rather than "diet". I have something called PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) which long story short means that my hormones and insulin can be out of whack even though I am not a diabetic. I do take one medication daily for 10 years now that regulated part of it. The other part they try to treat with diabetic medications, but I was allergic to them. This means that I have to be really careful in my approach. I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager and an official diagnosis 12 years ago. On a daily basis it doesn't really effect a thing, it is more just an extra challenge to being a healthy weight, and I also don't ovulate, which is okay with me because I don't really ever want kids anymore anyways.

The great thing is that the surgery I had for reflux got me feeling so much better that now the act of changing my lifestyle to a healthier one is coming a tad easier. I have been trying not to have very many starches and to get my carbs from mainly fruit. I also eat a ton more veggies. I am also choosing mostly fish and chicken breast. I drink water or diet snapple green tea, but the tea is only a couple times a week.

I get my calcium from cheese rather than milk because cheese is another source of protein for me.

Here is a sample of what I have been eating for a day.

Breakfast:
1 string cheese (mozzarella) and a piece of fruit
or
half order of scrambled eggs at my cafeteria with a little bit of cheddar cheese worked in
or
1 slice of wheat bread and 1 egg over medium

Lunch:
1 pouch of tuna with 1 tablespoon mayo and no bread
cucumber slices
fruit
or
veggies and chicken
fruit

Dinner:
Veggies and Chicken. I make these up on the weekend. I take all sorts of fresh veggies (huge batch of them) and some boneless chicken breasts and chunk them up and then steam them with teryaki sauce until they are tender. I start the chicken before i add the veggies so they are fully cooked and the veggies only get tender. This keeps the nutrients in them. I use yellow sqaush, zucchini, mushrooms, onions, sweet peppers, asparagus, baby corn, snap peas, green beans, etc. All fresh. I make the huge batch on the weekend because I hate cooking after work, and this way it is all portioned out in dishes ready to go at home or for taking to work.

Snack:
fruit or serbet

Another thing, I only have "treats" outside of the home. I won't bring anything but these healthy foods into my home. If I want an icecream cone or some other treat I will go out and have it in moderation. I also try to choose healthy in restaurants, like fish and a baked potato and veggie...or something similar. I have very little bread, rice or pastas or potatos, and not even every day.

I don't cheat the night of weigh in once it is over like I used to for years, because that doesn't help anything.

I also have been walking. I am up to 5 walks per week now. I plan to max it out at 30 minutes per walk. I am at 20 mins per walk right now. When I hit 30 I focus on getting faster and then eventually may walk with some light weights in my hands and such to keep intensifying it without actually adding more time.

I know this has to be a lifestyle chance to lose weight and keep it off and to give my reflux surgery it's best chance to last for many years to come. Also because of my PCOS I am always going to have to work a little harder than someone without it to keep my metabolism working FOR me rather than against me.

Lucky I have a good support system. My friends and family are supportive, and Sam and I have my weight loss group. I go every Tuesday night and we weigh in and talk about our goals for the week and our struggles and we stay in touch with each other through the week too.

Right now my main goal is just to feel the best I can possibly feel. I don't have a set number attached to that. I just want to commit to a healthier lifestyle and do it.

Another thing, I am not allowing any more take out food to enter my home. If I don't feel like eating what is in my house, then I have to physically leave my house and go get something. I can't be ordering a pizza because I don't want chicken or veggies. When I have pizza it needs to be a decision I make because I simply want it, not for some other reason, and then I have to go to a restaurant to get it. I have not had pizza since before my surgery 9 weeks ago.

See I do actually enjoy food too. In my family freaking everything revolves around food. Family parties have to be planned weeks in advance because we all have to decide on this great menu. LOL. I am trying to make my life revolve around healthy food now...and take joy in every bite of veggies and fruit and be thankful I can eat them and how great I feel every day now.

Tuesday Update

2011-07-12T23:03:00.001-04:00

First off I have to brag...I lost another 3.2 pounds this week, total of 18.2!!! I am kicking it up a bit with my walks this week. I really want to hit that 20 pound mark next Tuesday!!!

Sam got his B12 yesterday. For the next several weeks he will get it on Mondays. He gets insomnia the night that he gets the shot so the following day he is feeling a bit lousy. It is a huge amount of it entering his system at once. So we planned the shots for Mondays because Tuesdays I am quite busy with my weight loss meeting in the evening, so we normally don't play on Tuesdays anyways.

Hopefully if all goes well we can have some fun tomorrow when I get home from work. He has the AC going well now and they did get some rain which helped a bit. Not so much with the humidity but with the temp at least.

Yesterday I did get to tease him to an edge.

And there is good potential for a little embarrassing humiliation tomorrow if all goes as it is supposed to with some net techs coming to his apartment :). Stay tuned. I plan to show off my slut's pink finger nails and toe nails!!!

I love them pink and slutty for me.

Rain, I Hope

2011-07-11T10:26:00.001-04:00

Well it seems my rain is back on the forecast to start in less than 12 hours. Mistress is crossing her fingers, toes and boobs that it really comes. We really need it. This humidity is unreal and even the healthiest people don't handle it well.

Also just a quick note that I am really starting to get better with the B12. Finally. Its slow but steady. Thank you to those who left comments for me to feel better.

I really do think and hope soon Mistress can finally start using me like the slut I am. Hard. Its been so long since I came now that when this humidity changes I really think I'm gonna be one horny frustrated slut for my Mistress again. Just the way I should be ;)

sam

Silly Weather

2011-07-10T23:43:00.002-04:00

So it seems the storm that was headed Sam's way for Tuesday has disappeared from the forecast :(. This is what happened there last July, it was one big heat and humidity wave all of July and the storms and rain kept bypassing him.

At this point it looks like there won't be rain before Friday at the soonest.

I can't imagine that level of humidity.

Anyway he got the AC working but he is going to need to do something different with it tomorrow because it is eating through the fuses. Once he gets it set where it doesn't do that his bedroom will be nice and cool. I can't believe most people there don't even own air conditioners. My window units for in three rooms in early May and stay till December. But then again I don't handle heat well at all.

We did manage a bit of fun today...well at least for me. He helped me to a nice hard O...but he was far too hot and weak from it for me to tease him. He is in good spirits though.

Hopefully the AC is all set tomorrow and then we can think about having some fun this week!!!

As for me, I was busy getting my weekly house work done, laundry, shopping, cooking and all things vanilla pretty much, except for my thoughts.

I have gotten 4 walks in so far for my weight loss week and one more to finish tomorrow night then weigh in on Tuesday and I can't wait to see what that scale shows.

More another time. Hope you all had a nice fun kinky weekend! And please, say some wishes to send the rain Sam's way!

Hot & Humid

2011-07-09T19:45:00.002-04:00

I think the voice play session is going to have to wait for another time...maybe in the next week or so. Right now in Finland they are having record breaking humidity and very hot temperatures for them. I am totally miserable when it is hot and humid here (I hate humidity) and on a day when I said it was SO humid here I couldn't stand it Sam checked and it was only at 40 percent humidity. Right now in Finland they are between 80-90 percent. There is no relief for them.

I can't even imagine what that feels like. I would go out of my mind.

In general people in Finland don't have air conditioners either, not like people here in the US. When I complain about humidity and heat, I have my AC's going all day and night, and it still can be uncomfortable. Sam did get an AC unit this year but unfortunately there hasn't been time to get it properly installed (electric wise) before this humidity and heat set in.

Hopefully he can get it taken care of before he has to suffer too much longer with this weather...and hopefully they get the next storm that is headed there way so the weather goes back to normal.

Sorry to have teased you all. I had no idea the kind of weather they were going to be having when I was thinking that this weekend might be the perfect time to try our first live play session for the blog. Guess we will have to keep you waiting a little longer. Sorry.

Happy Face

2011-07-08T10:16:00.001-04:00

Last night was fun. Sam and I spent 2 and a half hours just talking about all sorts of stuff and laughing! I don't even remember the last time we did that. That was part of what was getting so hard for me.

The doctor agreed that B12 wise he should be able to get one shot per week now for several weeks. That is great because the side effects of the shots he so desprately needs leave him feeling kind of lousy. Eventually when he gets them once every 1 to 3 months it will be so nice.

Right now is peak allergy season for him so cross your fingers he can make it through it with no more sinus infections and can get his surgery done :).

This weekend I hope we can play and just spend some more stress free time together. Other than that im getting my hair done and walking and cleaning and making some cards I hope :) I love weekends.

I may even have Sam make a little voice recording for you all this weekend. Let him ease into being publicly used that way before the videos start :)
.

Amusing Video

2011-07-07T17:06:00.002-04:00

So last night as I was watching some porn clips I came across this one which I found quite amusing. It's not that this would ever be realistic with me and Sam because I won't cuckold him, and probably won't ever make him suck a real cock, but the whole video amuses me. Although most porn like this has horrible acting. I like the sissification and humiliation of this, the male on male blow job and the cum eating.

Just a little something light for today.

Hopefully the weekend brings us more fun things to share :).

This week has been a week at work, that is for sure. Any time we have a 4 day week after a holiday on a Monday we are absolutely nuts so I am very eager to be walk out of there tomorrow and start my weekend!

Teasing and Fuck Hole Use

2011-07-06T17:19:00.002-04:00

Saturday and Monday Sam and I had a little fun together. I was able to get him to edge for me some and he helped me to cum nice and hard.

It seems like when he does sleep decently my toy is nice and awake easily. So the 12 weeks is having an effect. But I fear until he gets fully rested it won't be any lasting every minute of the day hornyness. And that is something that I MISS. Him waking up throbbing and hard and eager from the start. I know it is possible with his auto immune disease because after he was treated for that before everything went down hill this past winter, he was right back there for me, so I do think when the B12 is totally stable I will be able to get him there again.

I loved those days when he was hard from waking and it was frustrating to go to sleep with a hard leaky needy toy day after day after day.

Tuesday I gave him a choice. He could wear his smaller butt plug while being out for a few hours doing errands, or he could wear the small one 2 hours and the medium one 2 hours at home. I was quite amused when he chose to wear the small one in public as I did think he might go the other way. So there he was going from place to place, sitting in the park, all while impaled for me. And that thought while I was at work kept me wet and horny.

In fact I came home from work very horny and made him get me off before my meeting I had to go to. He said it was a mix between being slutty and annoying because the small plug always feels like it is going to slip out.

I have told him that this week he should be asking and offering butt plug time because next week I want him wearing the medium one every day for me whenever he is away from home. So if he wants to be a little more stretched and ready he needs to be proactive about asking for me to use that fuck hole this week. Yes that is all he is allowed to refer to that hole as, just fuck hole.

It is more humiliating for him that way. But really that is what it is for me.

I am sure when things get better Sam will be posting more too. He is very fluent in English but he has always struggled a bit with writing and that is a pressure I don't really want him to have right now, so you are stuck with me and my relaying what he has to say about things for a bit.

Quickie

2011-07-05T22:49:00.002-04:00

Here is a little quickie post.

Sorry for not posting last week. I think last week was the week when the stress Sam and I have been through finally reached a new peak and we just flat out exploded on Friday. Friday was also the year anniversary of when he was due to arrive here last year and it was a hard day for me and for him, but for different reasons. The sicknesses and the exhaustion and just everything reached a peak and we really just both snapped.

The good thing is that what resulted from it is good. After we both let everything out and vented we felt better. Since our relationship is both vanilla and D/s this happens from time to time. It happens to every couple off and on.

But we talked things through and we both felt heard when we were done...and we both felt a weight lifted. So it was a good thing after all.

We had a little light fun on the weekend and then a little more today after work.

More to come soon. I am just beat tonight and Sam hasn't been able to help with the posting here lately.

On the plus side I have now lost 15 pounds and am working exercise into the mix. Feeling Fucking Great!!!

And B12 kicks in a little more each day and Sam gets better.

Great things are going to happen soon I think.

A Simple Ruined One

2011-06-25T20:56:00.002-04:00

Sam and I were sharing a little play time tonight. After some nice teasing and me nicely allowing him to stroke and rub my toy with his ball separator on, I got him close to the edge. Of course I was teasing him about humiliating things, beauty care and slutty clothes.

Finally I got him to the edge and then I was teasing him about wouldn't it be nice to cum for me after over 10 weeks, and he said yes. I said good, I want you to ruin it for me. Right now. Do it, NOW!!! And he did. And he moaned in frustration. And then he had 10 plus weeks of cum pooled around him, well of course its never a full load when it is ruined, and of course there was no pleasure for him. This was simply for my amusement and to release some of the cum for health reasons, and to leave him feeling hornier and frustrated.

So he obeyed me. Then I made him lick up one finger full of that nasty cum, and then he nicely offered to lick a second. After that I let him clean up and then he made me cum good and hard.

Fun little Saturday Evening I think.

Mid Week Update and Fun

2011-06-22T23:02:00.003-04:00

This week is going a little nicer than last week was. Things progress forward.

You all know that Sam has had a more than fair share of sickness over the last couple of years, and all of it resulted in him not being able to attend hockey or soccer games, which prior to this, even when we were first together, he did do regularly at least a few times a month. Even more than that before we were together. He is a major sports buff when it comes to these sports, and it is very important to him, but over the last couple years not only was he not able to get himself to games being so exhausted and/or sick all the time, but lately he was even forgetting about the important ones on TV. That was another reason that I knew something else was wrong, because that is so NOT him.

He is starting to get a little better now with the B12, and while he is no where near back to normal, and he still has a few responsibilities to get completed for me that are extremely important and not at all kinky related, that I have been waiting a very long time for, I just felt that he really needed something. I also know that even if Sam had been thinking like I was, he wouldn't have said anything about it because he knows that the things that have not been taken care of yet are so important to me and that I have been more than patient. I gave it some thought and yesterday I told him that I wanted him to get his ass to the soccer game today, in person, at the stadium, like he used to. Then I wanted him to go out to eat in a restaurant afterwards with whichever of his friends he could meet up with at the game. He has not had a night out with friends in at least 1.5-2 years now because literally every time he made any plans to he got sick. Now that is sad. Everyone needs that fun from time to time.

And then on the way home he was to visit the clinic for his B12 and do the panty thing I told him to do the other week.

I think Sam may have been surprised that I pushed him to do this, because we hadn't been talking like he was even ready for that, and like I said, even if he might have thought he could handle going to a game, he wouldn't have mentioned it while he hasn't yet been able to fulfill these other obligations. But I am the Mistress and I have the power to tell him it is okay to go, and that I know how much he needs that, and that perhaps just getting out and feeling "normal" for an evening would give him the boost he needs to get through this last stretch of getting well and to know that he can have his life back again. The kinky and vanilla parts of it. Also I hope too that the little boost it gives him will help him in getting these things done. Because I have really used up most all of my patience, LOL.

Before the game, Sam and I shared a short phone call while I was on break at work and for the first time in a long time he sounded happy and excited. And then when it was time to get ready he asked me if he could give me some edges in the shower. This all made me smile.

In the end today, while he was still tired ( but not exhausted) he got himself out to the game, walked all the way there and back, they won and he met up with several friends to have dinner with. It was several hours of tension relieving fun for him and I am happy that he had that. He did deserve it for sure.

Of course being the evil one I am I did make him wear his bra and those panties under his clothes, but I did allow him to be without his lipstick for this without making him ask or offer anything for it. We haven't yet exposed him to people who know him directly, and I don't think he is ready for that, but sometimes I still make him offer something to ditch his lipstick when meeting a friend or family member. But today was really more of a treat for him, so I didn't want to. The bra and panties however are just good to remind him of his place a little bit as he is out there having fun. It reminds him that while he can get his life back, it isn't quite the same as it was for so many years because he is also a submissive slut. It keeps him feeling my control even as he is in a very vanilla setting, and I do love that.

The clinic didn't go as well. By then Sam was quite tired out and so it really took the slutty submissive effect out of it, and the nurse gave no reaction. So I told him next time he is to wear the matching pink thong under those panties (which by the way if you look at our blog header, the 5 little pics under the main one, it is the middle pic, those panties) so that he will pull down the see through panties, but keep the pink thong in place since he won't have to even pull it down to get the shot there :). Perfect don't you think?

When I got home we had about an hour to Skype because I had plans to spend time with my Grandmother later on and he was about ready for bed anyways. He did make me cum nice and hard though which hasn't happened at all for about two or three weeks, and I do love and cherish the orgasms that he is involved with so much more than any I have on my own, so I was happy too.

Well mostly. I do have a little secret to share, I am terrified of bugs. And I came home from work and found a fucking bug in my bed, and it hopped to my hip and I jumped out of bed freaking the hell out and flicked it, and when I went to try to find where it was so I could kill it, I couldn't find it anywhere, so now even as I sit here writing this, I am worried where it is because I have to go to bed soon and I am afraid it is going to end up sleeping with me, or crawling on me while I sleep. So there you have it, I might be a tough strict Mistress but get me near a bug and I am the biggest baby there is LOL.

I hope I get some sleep tonight at least LOL.

Also, I lost another 2 pounds this past week and I am really motivated now that I am feeling so much better. I think most humans could stand to lose some weight and be a little healthier. It feels nice to feel energetic enough again to go to my weight loss support meeting and see my friends I have made there each Tuesday. The thing is, what I was going through I really had put on the back burner compared to what Sam had been going through, but really the stress of his sicknesses had actually made my reflux worse and brought it out to the surface till it was clear I had to get it fixed or I would really not have a very good life quality either, I was just lucky that a surgery could pretty much take care of my problems as long as I commit to a healthy lifestyle afterwards. I am very lucky, but then again so is Sam, because his kinky doctor (me) found out what was wrong with him :).

I do have a real hope that everything we have been wanting is going to start slowly happening, and I can finally get this blog back to what I want it to be.

That is it for tonight.

Ooops

2011-06-19T22:09:00.001-04:00

I guess we went all week and didn't post anything.

Sorry about that. This was a very rough week. Sam had the stomach bug and then ended up with another sinus infection. Not the really bad one that he had before though, but it was just another reminder how much he needs that surgery, so I hope they hurry up with a surgery date for crying out loud.

The B12 is kicking in though because his sleep is improving more and more. It still isn't totally normal but it is headed that way...only downfall was this week between being sick and finally sleeping his body wanted to sleep shortly before I got home from work and wake after I went to bed. This was very hard on me because I was already missing him for so many months now, that then having no live time with him each day was sad.

But then Friday he was perkier during my day and I gave him a few little tasks for my toy to wake it back up. And then today before my Dad came over for Father's Day I was able to spend an hour with him and I teased him. I didn't quite get him to the edge though because I ended up saying something in my teasing that made us both laugh our asses off so that sort of ruined the edge moment and then there was no time left. But it was nice to laugh anyways.

Other than that I had a busy weekend.

I am noticing so many improvements to my quality of life since my surgery. I am just so completely impressed and thankful.

The rest of my weekend was spent doing vanilla things, I had several cards to make. One for my dad, one for my surgeon to give him at my Follow Up Tuesday and another for a lady I work with. I enjoy it, that is my crafty time which I very much need.

But this week I do hope that I get some time with my slut. We have something planned that is supposed to be fun and special and if it doesn't happen I am going to be so disappointed.

So wish us luck.

Busy Weekend

2011-06-13T00:16:00.001-04:00

I had a very busy weekend.

Just a quick note to say that things are a little delayed because Sam caught the nasty stomach bug going around...but for once he wasn't the first one to get something ;). Family members of his that he hasn't even seen lately have had it before him, so that was kind of nice.

So his starting the task is a little delayed and his B12 shot will be postponed a day or two because of the bug...B12 is hard on his stomach as it is.

Even so there should be some fun happening the second half of this week.

Sam's sleep has gotten better each night this past week and the last two nights he actually did sleep like 8 hours uninterrupted...so I am crossing my fingers toes and boobs that this continues.

I am Feeling MUCH Better

2011-06-11T11:48:00.003-04:00

Now that I got my first week back to work out of the way, and life is more normal for me, I am feeling great!!!

So far there aren't any signs that my surgery was anything but a success :). I am totally loving my new hair style and Sam keeps telling me how fucking good I look and how pretty I am.

I normally was the type to wear soft make up, enough to accent but not out there...but last summer when Sam didn't get here and he was so sick for so long and then my reflux got worse and worse I just totally stopped wearing it at work or pretty much any time. The only time I ever wore it the last year was when I had to hide the fact that I had been crying. :( Then I decided to grow my hair to be able to have this new hair style, because it was ultra short before, and so for about 6 months I just looked totally BLAHHHHHH...and you know I pretty much felt like it too.

That is so not me. I was the type that wore eye shadow to match my shirts, and jewelry to match my outfits and take pride in my appearance, not because I am vain, but because when I get up and make myself into the best me I can be, my entire attitude for the day is changed and I feel so much better, I take better care of myself and I am happy and bubbly which is the real me.

I love to laugh and giggle and smile, and that is what people fall in love with about me.

It is so nice this week, I was feeling well enough after surgery, more like the old me that I made my hair look pretty every day and wore my make up for work, and I got so many compliments because people probably were thinking I looked like me again, not the unhealthy acid reflux version of me. LOL.

Last night I went out with a girl friend from high school and we have been friends since elementary school. We graduated high school 16 years ago, but we still get together. Well I was wearing clothes that last summer were just too tight, because I had gained some weight when my reflux pretty much wiped me totally out, and it felt great to wear those clothes again and I even added my jewelry too!

I still hope to continue losing weight, I have been losing since the surgery...partly because of the minimal food I am able to eat for a few months, but I hope that after I am able to resume a normal diet I can be more sensible. I have learned it is in fact possible to go a month with no pizza, chocolate, bread etc...and know I seriously cannot have any of those items makes it easier to stay away from them, because they could compromise what I have had done, so I hope that after I am fully recovered in a few months that I can have some of this will power carry me through and that I can make better choices and really be the healthiest me possible.

All I know is this past week I felt like me again, and I was more relaxed and seeing small improvements in Sam this week too just made me very happy. He has actually been getting some half way decent sleep the past few nights, so I think the B12 is just barely starting to kick in. All I know is it is showing some signs of working and that makes me feel more hopeful all the way around.

So I am sorry for my post before I returned to work...I was down in the dumps that day. I guess even someone who tries hard to be positive and bubbly as much as possible has weaker moments too.

Oh Boy

2011-06-10T16:30:00.000-04:00

So you all know I have to get B12 shots for a while and you also know my evil Mistress and how she likes to embarrass and humiliate me. Well she decided she's taking her chance to use my next shot time on Monday.

She informed me that Monday I am to wear my black see through panties that have a pink design on them under my jeans. When the nurse comes in and its time for me to turn around and bend over and pull my pants down I have to pull first the jeans down so the panties stay up and the nurse can get a nice look of my slutty ass. And then I can pull the panties down too.

Oh, fuck.

This is fun but hard. And fucking will be humiliating. Its going to be interesting because I won't be able to see her face when she sees me like that. Oh boy.

And I hoped I might get lucky if the nurse made me get ready and meets me in the room already bent and exposed but Mistress said if that happened (it hasn't as of yet) then I must pull the jeans lower than the panties so the nurse still sees them.

LOL. She is evil. I love her being evil. She has all the control and I have to suffer. And even though this is going to be hard I am glad for her using me as the slut I am.

I'm sure I'll be blushing and turned on. Especially afterwards when I think what I did.

So stay tuned for Monday when I update how it goes.

Wish me luck. I know it doesn't seem like this would be hard for me based on the pictures here and past things, but it is.

Thank you Mistress for using me.

sam

I Want it ALL

2011-06-09T22:34:00.002-04:00

I was doing a little thinking today...I am sure with Sam's new little task he is going to do for me and most of what you see on this blog, and because we have some new followers each day, I wanted to take a few minutes to mention that I really do want it all when it comes to my relationship with Sam.

First and foremost he is the man that I love very much, he is my friend as well. I look forward to coming home every day and sharing everything with him, I talk to him about everything. I know he is always there for me and will do anything he can to make sure I am happy. Not to say he hasn't had less than shining moments during the sickness of the past year, because he has, but the core of him is a good person.

Secondly he is my submissive slut. He gave me complete control over all things related to him being a submissive slut for Christmas, and I accepted. That was over 2 years in the coming for him to be ready to fully surrender and I knew when he said the words that he meant them with all of his being, he really wanted no more control left.

Sam is not a sissy...he is a man who happens to be a submissive slut. He doesn't live as sissy or transgender, but I have the right to make him dress as one or even if I wish spend a period of time behaving as one. That is part of the control he gave to me.

I don't really see ever turning Sam into a full time sissy.

The thing is, one day Sam and I hope to close the gap between us and be together in person all the time. When that day happens, I don't think Sam will spend as much time dressing so slutty as he does now.

When we are together, I will want to spend time with just the man I love. I will want to see him dressed up in manly clothes taking me out to dinner. I will want to introduce him to family and friends as the man in my life, etc etc. I will sometimes want to spend nights cuddled up to him watching a movie (if we could ever agree on one to watch together LOL)...but other times I am going to want to dress him as a slut and humiliate him.

I will love that I could go out to dinner with him dressed as a very sexy man, and then take him home and turn him into the sexiest looking slut too, and that he can really play the part so well...because he is a slut.

It gives me such a thrill to think that the future can hold the best of the vanilla life along with the kinkiest of the D/s life, and that both will fit together very well. Until that time, with the distance between us, it is just nicer to have him spend more time being slutty because it keeps him connected to me in a way that he wouldn't be. It is the constant reminder of what is mine and what he gave me, and the loss of control for him, and that I can use him...but when we are together all the time, I can keep him in that place so much easier without the need for him to spend the majority of his life dressed as a slut.

I am not even sure if in the future I would want to be together with him in public in a vanilla setting with him dressed as a slut, those outings might just be for him to make alone to suffer the public humiliation for me. But you never know, perhaps where we end up living I won't feel so inhibited and I will learn to love being in public with him both ways...I don't rule anything out.

One thing I do not see happening is me sharing him beyond videos and cam shows for others to see. I want to keep the commitment just between the two of us, hence I would never cuckold him or anything like that.

I do dream of having a very kick ass website one day when we live together, where we have videos of play sessions often and all sorts of fun things...but we will see on that one too.

Just thought I would share a bit about my thoughts on things and what I like...and what Sam is.

Clothing, Accessories, Beauty and Toys Task

2011-06-08T21:36:00.004-04:00

Since my sam isn't able to be so physical right now as we wait on him getting better from B12, he needs a way to feel quite submissive to me.

I want to make him really think and see himself as the type of slut he is going to be for me, in the future, not so distant future. I want to expose his thoughts to you all.

So this is what you will do.

I want you to pick out 3 slutty outfits that you really really want me to make you wear in PUBLIC, telling what about them makes you want it, and in this case it isn't just wanting it to please me, but wanting it because you are a slut and you do want to wear slutty clothes. You will mention any body parts that this will accentuate for me, and also a few places you can picture me sending you wearing it. You will share the three outfits here in one post, picture, then the writing about it, then the next picture.

I also want the same thing done with 3 outfits you find embarrassing but would not "want" for yourself.

And then the same thing with 3 more outfits you would find utterly humiliating but would wear for me, because you have no other choice, you have no control after all.

And here is the key...at least one of each of these categories from clothes has to be something you can order from your own country, so that I can choose which of the three that I will make you purchase to begin wearing for me whenever I see fit.

***

Then we need some Accessories...belts, jewelry, scarves, etc etc.

I want you to find me 3 that fit each of those categories. Post them the same way.

I also want you to find me 3 pairs of high heels and what appeals to you about them, to wear them for me.

***

Next comes Beauty Care...I want you to do the same thing, find me three products you want to try, three you would be embarrassed to try and 3 you would be utterly humiliated for me to make you do. Or this could be an action, as in going to a salon, but find a picture that goes along with it. I want a nice description of these and how you would feel.

***

And then finally comes toys.

I want you to select three hoods we can choose from when ordering yours for the videos we will make for this blog, and what you like about them.

I want you to find me 5 different devices I can use to torture and remind my cock that it is my toy!!!

I want you to find me 8 toys to use when I start using that fuck hole hard again.

I want you to surprise me with 10 other toys that you would like in our collection one day, and why they would please me, and what benefit you would get from them.

There must be at least three toys that you share in total that are ones you can order easily to be delivered to you, I will choose the one I want first.

I would like you to attempt to post once per day, so tackle one category at a time and then post it, this way we can at least entertain our readers a bit that way till you are in better shape.

I can't wait to see what you come up with and how evil this is.

And slut...if I don't see you working on this regularly, I won't be happy. I really need to have you focusing again on being my slut, I have been very patient and very lax with you as you haven't been well, but you are going to be getting better a little each day and I want to see good effort being made with this.

Last Day Off Work

2011-06-06T17:56:00.002-04:00

I'm a little sad...my time off work recovering from surgery is done. Today is my last day off. Tomorrow I have to start getting up early again and getting things at work caught up.

Don't get me wrong, it is a good thing really. I am going to feel so much better now in my daily life than I did before surgery, but I was so in need of some time off work and I really loved having a few weeks to stay up as late as I wanted and get 7-9 hours of good sleep every night. I was spoiled.

Things didn't exactly go as planned with my free time, I didn't get as much time with Sam as I had wanted, in fact way less than I had wanted. There was only one or two times the entire time that I even got to tease my toy. I only came with him a handful of times. I pictured long lazy days laying in bed skyping and teasing and playing and talking and laughing, and it happened on a much smaller scale than I hoped.

I won't lie, I am bummed about it, but shit happens.

At least we now know why things are so bad for Sam right now, and it is being fixed. Just have to be patient a little bit longer. I can't imagine what it is like for him though, to be so exhausted every second of every day, and to not be able to complete things that are long over due and needed to be done for me. I am really not the most patient person in some ways, but I have had to dig very deep within my patience to remain patient for him, because all along I believed something else wasn't right, and I was right.

The nice thing is that I still have just a smidge less than 3 weeks of time to take off work for this year, which is half over almost, so I can take a few days off later in the year when he is really doing better and then we can have the kind of days I wanted to have this time.

At least today we managed to have a little bit of fun...even though he only got 2 and a half hours of sleep and has a migraine to boot. Come to find out migraines go along with B12 too so maybe those are going to be much fewer and further between going forward :).

I was able to tease Sam today and edge him a few times. He hasn't cum in 8 weeks...so it doesn't really take much to wake my toy.

I told him that starting now until further notice every day he has to roll 1 die. If it is even then he must wear his high heels out of his building to take his trash outside. This is going to be a nice big step forward for him with the public exposure and the chance that this could happen several days in a row or not for a week. And if he rolls odd then he must offer me something else besides the heels. So either way the simple act of taking his trash out each day isn't going to be just vanilla. This is all part of my plan to later have him do the same dice system to determine if he has to wear his high heels to the grocery store.

And the nice part is that during the winter he has the chance to stop being used to the feelings it generates so each spring and summer it can hit him hard again.

This is going to be fun.

I also teased him with more types of videos he is going to be making for all of you to enjoy on this blog.

At least it starts to finally feel like this will happen again one day...all the things that I have been wanting to do with him and for all of you, and that feels good.

So, I will be off to work in the morning. I have a new hair style and I am even going to wear my make up every day again...I had stopped doing that when I felt so lousy for so many months, but I definitely owe it to myself to put my best food forward every day :). After all I am going to feel so much better now.

This Should Explain It All - Health Update

2011-06-03T19:46:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I started to do a little research without telling Sam first, because I still felt like there was something else going on with him, since his auto immune disease is “stable” now and yet he isn't really up to par, and having so much trouble sleeping, being dizzy, achy, headaches, and more. Not to mention a total lack of any energy and not being himself all the way around.

I came across some information about B12, specifically a certain type of B12 anemia that goes hand in hand with his auto immune disease as well as one of the infections he had last spring and summer. Everything started to make sense to me because he had all the symptoms of this and also it seemed very likely he could have this.

It could explain the insomnia, the feeling exhausted even when he does get enough sleep, headaches, low body temp, feeling off balanced, dizzy, well just all of what he has been suffering from, which has gotten increasingly worse the last few months rather than better.

So I asked him to talk to his doctor and get a certain test done to see if I was right in my research that he is lacking B12. The Doctor said it wasn't very likely but that he could see why I might wonder, so he agreed to let him get the test done. We just got the results yesterday, which was perfect timing because even after he got all that sleep, he was exhausted the whole day after waking, and then went right back into his insomnia pattern. But the test results showed that he is indeed lacking B12...so my theory was right and I am so relieved and happy that something overcame me and told me to sit and do some research because who knows when the doctor would have thought about this.

What was kind of a bummer is that even after the long sleeping, Sam woke very exhausted and not at all better. And some of the symptoms he has are actually the latter symptoms so that pretty much says that he was totally depleted or very close to it. So it really was good timing that the test results were ready, or else it would have been even worse. With treatment he should get completely better with all things that had gone so wrong. He has already started getting injections of B12 and may have to do so daily for a while to build him back up and then eventually weekly and monthly.

So that explains a lot of things. He will still need to undergo one more test to confirm if he is lacking B12 due to that type of anemia I think it is or some other reason, but either way he will be getting injections of B12 and should start to get better.

Now this brings a new sense of relief to us both, because this is an easy fix and this very well could be the end of the troubles for him once he gets built back up and his body reaps the benefits of it again. Hopefully it will kick in soon and then things can get back to normal.

Even though this is something else he will have to worry about the rest of his life, this isn't so bad because it is treatable and symptom relief comes with treatment. It isn't the end of the world, and with any luck, my “diagnosis” of him should greatly improve his life quality...and our kinky fun.

Sam has taken to calling me his kinky Doctor :).

So part of my job as Mistress is to think of Sam's over all well being when making decisions, and since this B12 is quite serious because he was having so many symptoms of it and feeling so totally lousy now, and it is going to take some time for him to get better and back in balance, I think it best to end this mega denial period he was supposed to be on. That takes a lot of strength and as much as I wanted it, and he wanted to give it to me, it just isn't going to happen right now. So he is free to ask to cum now, and when I feel like I want him to he can. I don't mean I will for sure say yes the first time he asks, but I don't plan to put him through a hard core denial right now.

Sleeping Continues :):):)

2011-06-02T01:26:00.002-04:00

So after 8 hours of really good sleep Sam woke up to pee and he got a quick bite to eat and a drink, and we spoke for a few minutes on the phone before he went back to bed. He was quite happy to be sleeping finally, and so was I to get the confirmation that he was indeed sleeping well all those hours.

Now he has been back asleep for about 3 or so hours, and with any luck he might sleep another 5-6 making this one long sleeping stint to rid him of the sleep debt so we can enjoy the weekend.

I have been BORED today, LOL. I have been 3 weeks out of work now, my time off is winding down to the end, I go back to work Tuesday. This week I feel much more like myself, and I am not very sore at all anymore. My diet is still limited but that is okay. I knew that was going to be part of the deal with the surgery, so I am being patient. There is so much swelling and tightness where they sutured my stomach around my esophagus that I can't eat normally and have to be very slow and careful or food can get stuck. I have caught myself going to fast a couple of times and felt the food get caught there for a minute which is very painful. This gets better in a few months.

Best part is not one sign of Acid Reflux for 3 weeks now!!! Hooray!!!

So today I played some games on my phone, entertained myself with some sexy stories and orgasms, made 3 hand made greeting cards, watched some TV and did some work on my greeting card shop. Very boring overall.

I am looking forward to spending tomorrow with Sam.

And I am going to be totally screwed when I get back to work because I have become a total night owl again, staying up till almost morning and sleeping till noon, LOL. I just can't help it, it is so much fun for me.

He's Sleeping!!!

2011-06-01T20:22:00.001-04:00

It has been 7-8 hours now that he is sleeping, and since I have heard nothing from him I can only hope it is good DEEP sleep since normally when it is light crappy sleep he is awake off and on and would contact me.

I wonder how long he will sleep? Hopefully not so long that I get worried something happened to him. I would not be surprised if he slept for 16 hours this time after being so gosh darn tired.

But then again he normally does wake to pee at some point, so we will see.

I just hope this is going to be a restorative sleep and we can get back to business when he wakes up.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Please Let Him Sleep...

2011-06-01T12:22:00.002-04:00

I can't seriously believe how bad this sleep issues are for Sam. Totally insanely ridiculous. He took a super strong sleeping pill and after about 4 hours it managed to get him to sleep for 2 hours. Oh my goodness this sucks. Hopefully now, half way through my day, he is falling asleep.

This insomnia while I have been off work has been the most depressing ever. It is never fun, especially when he finally can get a few half way decent nights of sleep and it just starts all over. That seems to be what the last 8 months have been like.

Unfortunately other dr's he sees don't want to make any decisions and just want him to see his own dr, but it seems he's either too exhausted to get there during those hours or he is trying to sleep. This is no kind of life. And Sam is at his wits end with feeling this way.

We were supposed to be making up for lost time with me out of work, spending hours and hours together everyday, talking, playing, laughing, yet my entire time off work has been spent with very little skype and him trying but not succeeded to sleep every day. I am very sad about this. I try not to show it every second of the day because I know he can't help it and he would sleep if only he could, but I can't help it. I am so disappointed and sad about this.

I only have 5 more days off work now, and if she doesn't get some sleep today there is probably no chance we are going to have enjoyed pretty much any of my 3 and half weeks off work, and I am very sad about that. I just can't help it. I am sad.

I will go back to work happy if the next few days work out and we actually get to have some fun though.

I sound like I feel sorry for myself...and I do. I feel sorry for him too of course, but this Mistress and woman feels very sorry for herself over this...it has just ruined too many of our days to not be sad over it.

The thing that pisses me off is that it's not his auto immune disease that is wrecking things and making his life miserable, and making us have very little time together, it is insomnia. Health wise except for the sleeping he is SOOOOO much healthier than he was. The sinus infection is gone, he hasn't been sick sick in so long. But this damn sleeping.

I hope his dr sets up that sleep study asap which checks the brain activity and all that when sleeping or trying to sleep. I hope they can find the glitch and fix it.

I feel terrible that this is what our blog posts have become, but it's either be honest or don't bother posting, and I don't want this blog to just die. Before he got sick this was a thriving blog with lots of fun and kinky things going on, and I do have big plans for as soon as our life gets even close to normal again.

Till then I guess I just have to hope that today he finally sleeps and that the few good days a month he tends to get are going to be these next 5 days I have off work...

Short Update

2011-05-31T01:50:00.003-04:00

Not a lot to say...not a lot has happened during the last week. I am still home recovering from surgery. I am actually doing a lot better at the moment, I had some GI troubles after surgery. The surgeon told me they must have irritated a nerve in my esophagus that controls the stomach and intestines and so I ended up getting dehydrated.

I can't eat very much at a time and I am on a limited diet for a few weeks to a few months, so I guess I just wasn't getting enough fluid and the stomach issues didn't help. I started to treat myself as if I was dehydrated and it made a huge difference in my feeling.

Because of this the dr is keeping me out of work for an extra week, so I don't go back till a week from today. I am kind of glad how it turned out because I really needed this time away from the business of work. I've been making cards, laying around relaxing, watching movies, etc etc. Just having a lot of down time.

Meanwhile sam waits for his surgery date and also is trying to see about getting a sleep study done that will look for any and all possible causes of this damn insomnia he has. It is like beating a dead horse, every post we mention it or so it seems, but he can't help it. He would give anything to be able to sleep, and him walking around like a zombie all the time exhausted and all doesn't leave a lot of time for fun.

Yet I still have faith that we and the doctors are going to figure this out so he can get back to more normal living here soon. I do feel bad for him being so beyond tired all the time. It creates a lot of tension between us both and puts a toll on our relationship. I have stood by and waited pretty patiently for him this past year, never losing faith that he is going to get his life back on track. But it is hard, sometimes it takes quite the emotional toll on me. I am far from perfect, but I do love him and I was in a full time relationship with him for 2 years before he was diagnosed with this auto immune disease. It is a bit rare and it also is a disease that is based on a lot of trial and error and only 6 months into it he is still learning the ropes for how the rest of his life will be.

Sometimes I am afraid that life as we knew it won't ever come back...maybe it can never be as good as it once was, because his health and his daily needs are different now, but I do believe that there is going to be at least some better middle ground between what we had before, and what there is right now, both for his daily life and our relationship. The truth is he is going to have bad days here and there, but they should be less often than right now.

Interesting Video I came Across

2011-05-23T14:34:00.003-04:00

I came across this video today when watching a few from one of my favorite sites, XHamster.

Please go ahead and click the picture to take you to the video where you can watch it in full screen.

This video pretty closely fits things I would like to do with Sam...or should I say to Sam. Although my laugh wouldn't be like hers, and I would be doing a hell of a lot more verbal teasing and tormenting of him, but it gives some sort of idea. I am sadistic, but not to the point of being down right hard core violent. I don't have desires to punch his balls or kick them, or things like that, but I want to squeeze them and spank them and so forth.

Also I can't wait to use his mouth and tongue for my pleasure. That is what it exists for...it is another part of his body I own, and it has no right to deny me pleasure if I choose to take it. Whenever I choose to take it. Sam's mouth was the hardest body area for him to surrender to me...he was very stubborn about it. It took quite a long time even after he knew how much I wanted it, for him to beg me to take it. See...that is how I operate. Yes I love to have control of him, and yes, sometimes I want something for myself faster than he wants it, but when it comes to the initial surrendering of control of an area of his body, or a certain theme of something, it has to come from him. I won't control if I don't believe it is consensual, so I wait until he is ready to surrender it, and I make him ask me for it and beg me for it. Not so much begging in the sense that he made me wait so now I will torture him with begging, but more asking in such a way that really truly convinces me he wants it.

So you can imagine how pleased and proud I was when after being stubborn and hesitant for quite some time, he finally asked me and pleaded with me to take control of his mouth and turn it into just a hole or toy that I own, and to use it how I wish. It took a lot for him to give that to me, and I love him for it. I am happy to have waited because when he finally was ready, he really wanted me to have it. So you see now I have no reason to wonder what he would feel about licking pussy, ass, eating cum, sucking dildos for me, being gagged etc...because that mouth belongs to me and is mine to use when I wish. Now of course I also love Sam very much and care about him, so if he is feeling nauseated I wouldn't be so sadistic as to make him be gagged for me or sucking dildos...that would not be very compassionate...and above him being my submissive he is the man that I love very much. So I would rather take my pleasure from his mouth on a day when was more able to give it....and then, I will take it how I want it, for as long as I want it.

Anyway I got side tracked here.

What I love about this video:

I love how he is restrained. We have used siran wrap before. It is a very tight bondage.

Also I love this furniture she has devised. I love how he is positioned in that chair so she sits above him and he cannot move his head at all, and yet there is no risk of her crushing him. He is just there, mouth in place, ready to please her whenever she mounts his mouth. I find that fucking hot. I have told Sam that when we are together in person we are going to have a pussy worship bell. Whenever I ring that bell whatever he happens to be doing, he has to stop and come to me, and please my pussy...whether I want it fucked, kissed, licked, sucked, or whatever I desire. I could ring the bell 25 times in one day and I would expect him to happily serve me. I have told him that before we are together, sometime soon I am going to start a pussy worship bell which would have to be in the form of an email thread, and where I ring it, he would have to do or say something that is sure to really make my pussy wet and tingly...I think that will work just nicely until we can use a real bell.

I love how she just sits there taking pleasure from him while using his cock and balls for her own fun. I love how he is just there to serve her, and has to way to get away...can barely only move his fingers and toes.

I love how she squeezes those balls and spanks them...not so violently, but just enough to hurt and show him who is boss. And to have her own fun.

I love how she jerks him off and lets him cum...almost a ruined one because she isn't really giving him very much stimulation at all as he cums, but still enough to be a frustrating real orgasm.

I love seeing that cum go shooting out like that, very big turn on for me.

I love that she made him cum before the real fun was to start, that is wickedly evil and that is the type of evil I am. She made him cum and now for the second type of torture, he won't even be sure to get any pleasure from it...not the same as it would be if he were still horny during it.

And I have to say I am very turned on by that device she uses, how it crushes him a bit, and how it will shock him. Perfectly evil and a huge turn on.

And then of course I love how she mounts his face again and tells him that she won't turn it off till she has cum a second time. I don't know about most women, but my second orgasm takes a little more effort than a first one does, so I know that if it were me, he would be suffering a little while like that :).

So you can see, this is my style and I could see this sort of scene happening very easily between Sam and me. I know Sam fears and doesn't like devices that would give that sort of crushing pressure, but it could be used with less pressure that she gave to him....I wouldn't have to tighten those screws so much as she did.

I hope you take the time to watch the video...I found it very arousing.

Maybe this helps to show more of my style of dominating, at least until we can start showing our own videos here.

Oh recently I informed Sam that I am now controlling his porn too. He can't watch it without my permission and he only is allowed to watch types I tell him, unless I give him some free porn time, then he can watch what he wants.

And Sam....

I will expect you to watch this video clip and really picture yourself being him...picture how you are going to feel when this is me...and yet picture the ways I tease and torment you verbally, while all this would happen...and I want you to edge for me 6 times before the video ends. You will get to an edge, stop and wait 30 seconds, then get it the next one, and keep that pattern going. There is enough time to make this happen. And if you don't get all 6 edges for me before this video ends, you are going to pay dearly for each you did not reach. Enjoy your task my slut, and you had better not cum.

Denial...Oh the Sweet Denial

2011-05-21T02:18:00.002-04:00

So...Sam and I were talking today, and of course my comment at the end of my last post has had him thinking. As much as he loves to cum for me, he also loves to feel so horny for me, but most of all he really just wants to please me as much as he can. I do know that in his core, despite whatever daily struggles exist, he is a good submissive, he does want to please me more than anything and make me very happy. I love him very much and I love this about him, and I don't take it for granted.

I do make sure that Sam always feels a connection as my submissive, and I don't neglect my Mistress duties. He has given me complete control over so many aspects of his being and his life, which really is a gift of infinite value...and one that I am very honored and lucky and happy to receive from him, so I always make sure to show him I appreciate it. Of course many times that means I am evil...but what good would I do to show I appreciate that gift if I didn't use it as much as I want to right?

Anyway, we had a little discussion about it when we first skyped this morning, and then we went off to do something things apart. I realized I was extremely wet just from the brief talk we had...because the thing is, I miss him being so horny for me like he has been in the past, where he leaks and throbs all day long with need for me and can't help but ask for more evil tortures. We haven't been able to have a long streak like that in so long now.

When we met back up again a little later Sam confessed that my toy was driving him nuts today over the thought of me denying him, and even though he was dead tired, it was awake and wanting him to get himself in trouble...LOL.

Yeah...not to beat a dead horse, but Sam had like one whole week of decent sleep and then his body reverted back to its fricken insomnia. I think after the sinus surgery if it doesn't really get turned around, then he is going to have to go get a thorough sleep study to find out what the heck is going on. This insomnia is ridiculous and it spoils so much. But it is NOT his fault. I mean...he would give anything to be sleeping rather than watching the minutes pass by getting more and more tired day after day. And with him, even the strongest of sleeping pills won't work to get him into a deep sleep. He has tried at least a dozen of them. I personally think that once he is back working again, and has the surgery it will get better. Right now he can't even get out for long health walks because his worst pollen allergy is in full force right now and he cannot chance that infection coming back and ruining his chances for surgery soon. So he isn't really getting a lot of activity in and that also has an effect on sleeping. But if any of our readers have any tips, tricks or ideas we have not thought of please let us know. He uses a photo therapy lamp which has helped quite a bit, but something still isn't quite right. I feel so bad for him when he doesn't sleep, it puts a damper on everything. Him, me, the whole thing. It has been the cause of nearly every fight we ever have too. It just sucks.

Anyway as I write this I am confident he IS sleeping, because I was supposed to hear from him 90 minutes ago if he wasn't...so I hope that he is off into a nice deep sleep and that tomorrow he feels great again!

Now back to the fun stuff...when we came together on skype, I told Sam how wet I was over the thought of actually denying him again for a long while and using him hard and making him crazy horny...and my toy was reacting to it. Sam loves to turn me on, he lives for it really. I told him how much I missed having him in that state for me...and before he knew it, between his desires to please me and my toys reactions for me, he was flat out begging me to please deny him and really drive him crazy.

Now this is after 5.5 weeks already since he last came, and despite everything he does have a feeling of wanting to cum, even if sleep has been such a struggle. But he sat there and begged me to please deny him...and I loved hearing that from him, because all he cared about in that moment was giving me as much pleasure as he could, and he could beg me for that, rather than ask to cum.

So I ended up saying yes...so for right now he is on an official denial. Right now my plan is to build his horny level as high as I can get it before his surgery...then I expect a week or two there will be a substantial drop as he recovers. When I had my sinus surgery done (just sinuses) it was the absolutely WORST headache I ever imagined was possible to have and he has to have his septum fixed to, so he is going to be worse off than I was for sure. So I expect there won't be much horniess for at least a week.

He has been told that how good of a slut he is for me before surgery, how enthusiastic and pleasing he is, will determine how far I deny him after surgery. If he makes a very good effort for me before surgery then after surgery I might only deny him days or a week or two...but if he isn't acting up to par for me, then he knows that denial is going to be extreme.

Of course this is what I want right now...I have been known to change my mind from time to time when something isn't working or giving me the results I wanted, but most likely I won't deviate from this.

After that we played a little and I teased him and scared him and got him quite horny for me. And then he focused on pleasing me and got me to a very hard orgasm, our first together since my surgery, and it was FANTASTIC!!! I really needed it badly.

I still have a week and a half off work...and I hope this coming week he sleeps better so we can make the most of our time together. I think what I most looked forward to with having this time off work was just to spend more time with him. Time to just be lazy together and talk and laugh and play. We really need that this coming week. So please everyone cross your fingers that he gets a surgery date soon and that he sleeps better this week so we can really enjoy each other before I get back to work.

Recovering

2011-05-18T13:56:00.003-04:00

I am home and recovering from my surgery. It went quite well and I was a little ahead of schedule so I was able to get home a day or two early and ended my birthday at home. I am still in some pain and my stomach feels a little blah, but over all everything is going well. I haven't had any trouble swallowing soft foods which was the biggest concern. So I just have to be patient a few months and work more foods in after a few weeks until I can resume a normal diet.

At least already I can tell that my acid reflux has stopped, so I have every reason to think the surgery will be a huge success in my life. No coughing all day long and tasting everything I eat for 10 hours afterwards, LOL.

And let me tell you, one night in a hospital was enough to drive me totally nuts, so I have no idea how Sam seriously did it all last summer for 8 weeks in a hospital and then more recently staying at that clinic. It gives me a much greater understanding and appreciation of what he went through.

Sam kept me entertained with some birthday mp3's he has been making me. He is about half way done with them. I have enjoyed hearing him tell me again how he feels about me, some things we are going to explore, and so forth. He has the sexiest voice ever and I could hear a lot of love and desire in his voice...and they made me smile.

Yesterday he had to make a stop out for a quick medical test and I made him wear his black lacey bra underneath his white t shirt, and that was a nice reaction from him. Everything is hitting him new again now that he is home, that it is nice because things he did last spring and summer are having a very huge effect on him today.

Today I told him he had to go out wearing his hair in a side pony tail (just the front part) and full lightly done make up...his white ruffly shirt and some jeans that I sent him, which hug his ass so nicely...and he has had a few errands to do while out, so I can't wait to hear how he felt wearing these for me when he gets back soon.

I did make the decision about his punishment for ripping his nails off...I will have him post about that soon.

Oh and he is horny...it has been over 5 weeks, and now that he is home and things are starting to have a huge impact again, I wonder if it is time for an orgasm denial like no other he has known before, the kind that would turn him into the most wonderful submissive jelly in my hands, the kind that would make him throb with need for me every second of every day. What do you think?

Happy Birthday

2011-05-13T17:01:00.002-04:00

Happy birthday Mistress.

I love you very much.

And notice to our reader: surgery went well.
Mistress is recovering well and is getting home tonight.

Sam

Is Sam Feminine?

2011-05-11T17:40:00.002-04:00

We rec'd this question from Robert...

"I have a question Miss Christina, does Sam look in any way feminine? Just that making him wear lipstick and pink tanktops, I hope he doesn't look like a builder..."

I just wanted to go ahead and answer it here in case anyone else was wondering this too.

So...Sam always was very masculine before meeting me. He does have long hair, but so far I haven't made him have a full time feminine hair style with it. It is just long hair like a man might have. Fun for me though because I can use it from to time.

I think Sam has a nice figure, he looks nice in manly clothes and slutty clothes.

In fact a female friend of ours was jealous because of how sexy his legs look when he wears high heels, but his legs also look perfectly normal in manly clothes too.

He looks nice and manly when wearing manly jeans, but he looks very slutty when wearing female jeans because they hug his body differently.

Sam is a pretty healthy weight and tall so pretty much all the slutty clothes he has fit him and flatter him, in that way.

As for the make up, when he is shaved facially and having his long hair, he could pull off a full make up, and probably appear as a transgender. If he isn't shaved then its just like a man wearing lip stick although it doesn't show very much unless I want it to. He has a small mouth and his lips are not very full, so with a beard and mustache the lipstick is really more for a mental thing for him than to be seen well by others. When I make him shave, it is more noticeable to others.

So I guess the long story short is how I have him dressed, how I have him shaved or not shaved and how I have him wearing his hair really impact if the make up is a mental status for him, or something really exposed to others.

Sam doesn't often wear full make up, that isn't a daily thing right now for him, so usually it is one element or another that helps to keep his focus on being my slut. Even with a little eye liner and mascara and full make up, he does it in a way that it doesn't look stupid or feminine, or out there, but just enough for him to feel slutty and be controlled and potentially embarrassed.

And added from Sam:
In my part of town it isn't even rare to see non kinky guys wearing make up, because there are lots of artists and students and musicians. Although maybe not so many are my age.

Getting Back Into a Routine

2011-05-10T21:52:00.004-04:00

So today was another day spent mostly trying to get things done, for Sam anyways. But still we started getting back on track with his rules and such.

Around the house today he wore just his ball separator for me. Outside it was normal attire except for his slutty pink tank top, with his jacket open. He did confess he got a lot of looks today from people, and that it almost feels like starting all over again with how all this is making him feel compared to before.

So I say that is perfect...because now he can feel the full effect of doing all these things again, but this time around with the knowledge that he no longer has any say about anything, no control at all, because he begged me to take it all from him and just use him. Everything is starting to sink in again.

He was required today to wiggle his ass a few times where there was a chance it was seen. Such a slutty behavior and it embarrasses him nicely. He was also required to apply a fresh coat of lipstick where it was certain someone would see him.

And then there was the edging and teasing I did to him. He edged about 15 times today, 10 were right in a row, making him hold the last one. He did ask nicely if he could cum there on the last edge, but I told him no. I also took some time to crop that cock and balls too, with the ball separator on. I had him do 60 crops to the balls, and 250 to that cock of mine, so it was a bit swollen when we were done.

All in all this was a pretty nice day. I can hear an excitement in Sam that he hasn't had in a long time. And I was horny all day just knowing that I could use him.

In fact I had a nice long edge at home tonight myself, followed up with my slut making me cum nice and fucking hard. God I needed that, so badly. I feel quite relaxed and happy at the moment.

Now if only his net providers would get his home net working so I can finally see him again in his own home. It has been such a long time, 7 and a half months, since I could actually see him there at home like normal and emotionally I was at me limit with it basically if something didn't start progressing in the right direction...but now things are looking up.

I hope we have some time to play a bit tomorrow night, as that is my last night before surgery. Besides there is oiled up breasts in it for Sam as soon as I get to see him...and a special surprise I have for him too...but there is absolutely NO way he gets to have those until I get to SEE him.

I am a bit nervous about Thursday. I have never had a real invasive surgery before and I am not the type that likes getting anything medical done to myself. I love to read and watch about it all, but not be the one going through it LOL.

And I hope that my slut takes my little hint and has a nice little surprise waiting for me on my birthday to enjoy in the hospital that morning.

That is it for today. I am keeping him in suspense a little longer about his punishment, a bit of mental torture for him.

He is HOME!!!

2011-05-10T11:00:00.000-04:00

Finally after 7 months Sam is home, in his own apartment, and man does that feel like a turning point at least.

He is still working on getting some things done but this was a great thing to just know he is home.

As soon as he got home it was like my toy sprang back to life and so did his submissive slutty mindset too.

After I got home from work I took a little bit to tease him and play with my toy. I kept making him rub his slutty pre cum all over his lips for me, I love when he leaks enough to do slutty things with it. And since it has now been 4 weeks since I let him cum he is nice and horny for me.

I teased him to the edge, and he was asking a few times to please let him cum, but I said no. At least for today. He needs to buy some baby oil asap so I can use that on my toy. It drives him totally nuts and makes him even more horny. One time I got 5 back to back ruined ones out of him because of how well the baby oil feels for him :).

Tonight before bed he asked to pee. Yes he has to ask for every pee. I told him to pee on 4 of his fingers and lick them clean for me.

It was just the little things today, the simpleness of it all, nothing fancy, but there was a definite reconnection there, and I just love it so much. I love that he is mine and he submits to me and tries so hard to please me.

But speaking of that, did you read his post yesterday about his finger nails? He really is in trouble. I am contemplating his punishment. I was seriously very very excited that I was going to be able to start using those finger nails again to embarrass him and now he has gone and ruined them all. He has been nicely asking me to consider allowing him to get a press and seal set of nails that he can do himself at home, even offering to wear longer ones if only I would consider letting him out of the manicure at a nail salon part.

We will see. I am going to think about it, and decide what I want. Either way it is going to be serious enough to really make him think twice about ruining my finger nails again when they are there for me to use. He has no right to rip them off like that.

But he did confess right away and I know he is sorry. The punishment will suit the crime and he will learn from it. What do you think? Should I allow him another option besides the public manicure?

Give me your input...and I might consider it :).

Ut-Oh I am Really In Trouble Now

2011-05-09T17:27:00.000-04:00

So, I am quite scared because I made a big mistake today.

You see, I am not allowed to bite my finger nails or rip them off because as you all know, they belong to Mistress, and she likes them to be long enough to look nice and slutty being painted for her whenever she wants. Biting isn't a problem because I haven't ever bit my finger nails but when I get nervous I had the habit of ripping them.

There have been several times in the last couple years that I have ripped them, and Mistress has given me more minor punishments. She really doesn't like them ripped because then they are out of use for her for a few weeks.

The worst part about what I did today is that Mistress has been so excited that my finger nails were so long now and with me finally getting home she was so ready to start using them and already had planned on me having them painted bright pink while I am out doing things.

I did get some news today that made me nervous, but a few months ago Mistress told me that she wasn't going to be very generous anymore if I rip unless it was a life or death type of nervousness that caused it. Today's news wasn't very good, and is worrying, but it wasn't life or death. But, before I knew it, I had gone and ripped off all these long finger nails that belong to Mistress.

Fuck.

Now I am really scared because Mistress told me many months ago that if I ripped them again without it being a life or death situation, that my punishment would be to get a professional manicure with acrylic finger nails and that I would be wearing them for an entire month.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Now I can't do anything else but wait here nervously what will happen and what Mistress will decide to do about this.

I am very sorry though Mistress that I ruined your finger nails, especially right now when you were so excited to be using them again.

sam

Super Busy Weekend

2011-05-08T22:43:00.002-04:00

Just a quick word to let you know we are okay, just busy.

Sam has his apartment all cleaned now thanks to an after hours cleaning lady, so he will be home tomorrow.

He is still awaiting word on when his surgery will be.

As for me, I have been a busy gal doing things around my home and preparing for my own surgery which will be this week. I am having surgery this coming Thursday to fix the GERD I suffer with daily. GERD really isn't fun at all. I am nervous but excited because I had to go through a lot to even be able to get this surgery done.

I will be spending a few days in the hospital, but I got a net card so that I can skype with my slutty love :). And then I will be off work for 2.5-4 weeks. So I am really looking forward to some nice long days on skype with Sam...and we both really need that.

And with any luck he can have his surgery before I get back to work so I don't have to be worried about him while working.

Wish us both luck!

Oh and I will be spending my Friday the 13th birthday in the hospital! Oh well!

Better

2011-05-02T21:39:00.002-04:00

So...it seems that even though Sam started trying to sleep on my Friday night around 10 pm, his body just would not cooperate until my 8 am Sunday Morning. So that just goes to show that after weeks of this insomnia, it was STILL that bad. What the heck. Saturday he just laid in bed and rested and dozed into light sleeps all day. But no deep sleep at all until my Sunday at 8 am, and then he spent my entire morning, afternoon, evening and night, even my middle of the night, sleeping LOL.

WOW.

So he got up an hour before I did today, and got started with things. At least for once the week started off with us back to the same schedule and him rested at least. We also started trying the change with his meds today and hopefully it works! I so hope he sleeps tonight too.

So today we made the decision that he goes home tomorrow. The last few things he needs to accomplish just aren't getting done where he is staying, and he is just going to have to be very careful to get around the dust without it bothering his allergies. We need him back home and getting stuff done. And this way he can start working on his net connections at home and all that which was wrong when he left there last fall. He has a laptop and net card that works for right now.

I know he is excited about this and so am I. He has been waiting a very long time to get home.

Tonight we had a little light play. Just some teasing of slut and my toy, I did get it nice and leaky for me...but I told him no edging tonight.

I was teasing him with more thoughts of using him on videos for this blog and such. I love to tease and scare him.

Then he helped me to cum good and hard just like a good submissive slut should.

And he reached the three week mark again since he has cum for me. I think someone is going to start acting like a really horny slut if he continues to get sleep again!

Another Saturday Alone

2011-05-01T00:25:00.002-04:00

Let's just say that this past week Sam's sleep was pretty much non existent.

We had that hour of fun after he got back from the clinic but pretty much NOTHING was accomplished the rest of the week. Unfortunately he always had a little trouble sleeping before this auto immune disease, and now that he takes steroids to treat it, even though he is replacing something he is missing, we are thinking he may have to change the way he takes his meds. I anticipate this whole year is going to be a learning curve for us and for him in dealing with this...but he already is so much better than he was all last spring and summer and fall. I mean seriously, SOOOOOO much better.

The lack of sleep is rough on the both of us. It keeps him exhausted and it makes it so that we don't get very much time together. It is wearing my patience to the max too, but I know that it is not his fault, so we deal with it.

In fact today he has been trying to sleep (off and on he has) all my day long and evening, and night, and hopefully with any luck he is in some truly deep sleep right now and freaking stays there. Truth is he hasn't had more than a few good nights of sleep since last fall, so that is why I am starting to think the meds are also playing a part in this, but one thing is for sure, it can't continue.

It puts a damper on everything, his horny level, over all health of course, but also on our fun together. I so wish for him that we can figure out this sleeping thing so he can start enjoying his life again. That is what I really want. Sometimes I feel very helpless because there is only so much I can do to help him. So today I helped him by telling him to sleep as much as he could, even though it meant no skype, and no time together, but it is worth it if he sleeps.

So I stayed busy with very vanilla things, crafted and cleaned and shopped and such, LOL. Didn't even make the time to give myself a nice O. Maybe tomorrow I will get to share one with him and even play a bit. This insomnia has to end sometime right?

I hope all our readers had some fun kinky bliss today!

Nothing Too Exciting Today

2011-04-27T23:24:00.001-04:00

On the kinky front, but Sam did manage to get something very important done today that has been a long time coming. So I am very pleased about that.

I hope more than anything that he gets a decent deep sleep tonight. Crossing my fingers, toes and boobs that it happens for him so he can feel even better tomorrow and feel like my horny slut again for real.

We will see!

As for me I got nice and horny today reading some fellow bloggers posts. Love it.

What a Difference a Day Can Make

2011-04-26T22:27:00.002-04:00

Well...the last couple days were really getting to us. Sam was getting so bored and frustrated, and even though his sleeping has improved, it is not perfect yet, and so he is still very tired out, not to mention after being cooped up in a clinic for several weeks it really takes a toll.

I was getting frustrated because it had been a couple weeks since I had been able to tease him or cum with him or have any sort of fun conversation that wasn't revolving around all this other stuff. We had a couple of arguments, more like silly fights the last two days because we were both just at our wits end. If you can't release stress other ways it comes out one way or another.

Today I had no expectations at all. Sam slept better but not well enough to put a dent in the sleep debt he has and I was trying very hard not to hope for anything today happening other than just spending vanilla time with him. But then something happened.

In my later afternoon it was decided he was leaving the clinic, there is no more need for him to be there because the infection has been stopped and he will stay on antibiotics till his surgery, there is no surgery date yet and he is otherwise very healthy, so he got booted! When I spoke to him on the phone I could hear excitement in his voice for the first time in 5 or 6 weeks, and it was wonderful, it really made me smile.

So he is staying at a family member's vacant apartment for a little bit until he can arrange a cleaning service for his own apartment. There is way too much dust to chance him being there before it is clean...there is NO way we would chance the infection coming back. It is bad enough that right now this time of the year is the pollen he is most allergic to. So he has to be careful.

And at least he has total privacy where he is staying right now, so he doesn't have to talk quietly and try to be careful that others don't hear our conversations. Even though he speaks to me in fluent English, he did tell me that most people in Finland do know English quite well, so even that doesn't let him be relaxed when in a clinic, LOL.

The fricken minute that he got free of the clinic my toy sprang to life, and when we were on skype and I started to tease him, it was leaking before we even began. Well it has been a couple weeks since he came, but seriously, the last two weeks my toy was dead to the world. This really proved how badly Sam just needed to get the hell out from there. So I teased him for a good 45 minutes...a good part of it was telling him ideas I have for videos he will make for this blog...and ways I will have him dressing for me and so forth. He did manage an edge for me.

Then he focused on me, and helping me to cum good and hard. I love erotic stories, and I have trouble finding good ones, so many times Sam will give me an impromptu story and we go back and forth with it, with all sorts of kinky things until I cum very hard. Otherwise when everything is back to normal many times I cum hard while playing with him, like making him spank his balls till I cum and so on. Either way one thing is for sure, I am a woman who needs to cum daily to be at my best, sometimes more than once a day, and I cum the hardest and the best with Sam. So when those lovely O's are missing, I am much more tense.

So that is the difference a day can make...yesterday today seemed hopeless, and now today everything looks brighter and so much closer to getting back to normal. I am happy and besides teasing him and edging him and cumming, my very favorite part of today was hearing that excitement in his voice after so long without it. That meant the most out of all of it.

So I wonder what tomorrow holds in store...he is already seeming eager to get back to being a good slut for me. :)

Few Plans I Have for MY slut!

2011-04-25T19:59:00.003-04:00

I have a few plans for my slut this summer.

One is to start his high heel training. I want to get him feeling as submissive as possible, and a great way to kick start that is to have him start this training. He can handle 4 inch heels for short time frames, so the goal will be to get him able to wear them for most of the day. Oh what fun it is going to be. He will be constantly aware of me then, and every step he takes in his apartment on the hard wood floors will make a noise, just further reminding him of his submission and that he has no control. And just wait till I start making him wear them out in public. I can't wait for the first time that I make him wear them doing groceries. That will be a nice humiliating moment for him, and he does need that. I can't wait till he goes there in heels, toy leaking like crazy and his cheeks blushing. I can't wait till he is totally nervous and scared and all that, but knows he has to do it, because he has no control and this is what I want.

Another thing is to start using him as a dirty slut again. It has been too long since I was able to do that. I have a couple of ideas of how I want to make him eat his cum for me, and also I plan to get him offering dirty things just so that he may have a chance to touch my toy. Don't forget it doesn't even get the slightest touch unless I say.

I also want to start some fuck toy training. This is something different. The purpose of fuck toy training is to be more harsh with him, to really instill in him that he is there just to be used, that his entire being is a toy. Sam and I are on the same page that this is not something we want all the time...because even though he is my submissive slut, he is also the person I love, but for small periods of time, he will be a toy to me to use. We are interested to see how we enjoy these play sessions. I am sure it will be fun, but I think it is left for just that, fun.

I plan to push him with his slutty clothing and being in public that way, dressed as a slut for me, make up etc. I want to really push the embarrassment and humiliation with him. I want him waking up with a little sense of fear at what the day holds for him, what I will make him wear and who is going to see him this way.

I want to start seriously using that fuck hole of his and his mouth. I want him to be able to be double penetrated for my pleasure, gagging on a dildo around his mouth while fucking himself with another one until I cum. I want to really instill in him that they are holes to be used by me, when I want, and nothing more unless I want. When we were first together, Sam surrendered himself to me one body part at a time, until he finally asked me to give him all the control.

Oh yes, and I hope that by the end of summer I can have him out there in a skimpy bikini sunbathing in the park. It is going to be interesting if I can get him there. We will see.

Even though I have all this control of him, it doesn't mean I can just use him as fast as it might be fun to, he is mine to take care of. It is my job to push him to our goals, and to what I want him to become, but it is also my job to make sure that I guide him in a way that he remains emotionally balanced and feeling secure with things. So the pace is yet to be determined, but one thing is sure, there will be a steady movement forward. Sometimes there are going to be bad experiences but I will be there for him to care for him when those happen. That is another thing I love about being the Mistress...not just the using him, but loving him while I do it.

So these are a few plans I have for this summer...and that doesn't count all the humiliating pictures and videos there are going to be here for all of you.

Saturday Alone

2011-04-23T20:54:00.002-04:00

I am spending my Saturday alone. My slut stayed up all night last night while I slept, hoping to get something important done, but it did not work out. So when I was ready to really start my day he was ready for bed. He has such a huge sleep deficit that I hope he is sleeping deeply. We talked about me calling him during my evening, but I decided not to, he really needs this sleep badly.

I do hope that he wakes up rested and perky and feeling better than he has in a long while. I hope. I also hope that maybe I can do without some sleep so I can have some time with him while he is the most perky and tease him.

He owes me an offering from last week. You see he has to have permission to remove his make up. Right now he is wearing it daily until he is home and things are normal, so his friend was coming to visit him at the clinic where he is staying and take him out to dinner. He asked if he could remove the make up and I felt a little Mistressy, it has been tooooooooooo long since he had the chance to ask me something like that, and I told him it would cost him. That he had to offer me something. He was in a rush for time so he asked if he could make the offer later and then if I didn't like it I could punish him for it not being good enough, so I agreed.

He better make that offer to me soon or else I am going to choose something and he really might not like what I choose. :).

I already informed him that after he wakes from this sleeping I expect him to wear one of his slutty brown and pink pajama sets there at the clinic. He is definitely nervous about that. It has been a long time since he has had to wear slutty clothes in front of others. When he made a trip out of there a couple weeks ago I made him bring that outfit back with him and I know he has been wondering when I would make him wear it.

So for tomorrow I get to be in control of what he wears again and I know he is not going to forget for a second that he is my slut when he feels that soft material against his skin, when those arm pits are so nicely exposed and shaved and when other people catch a glance at him :). He does have a bathrobe type of thing to wear over it when he is out from his room, but it won't cover all :).

So I am just hanging out alone tonight. I have been relaxing and enjoying some erotic stories and also doing some vanilla crafts.

The next month is going to be interesting. If all goes well then Sam will have his surgery and get his arse home finally, and if all goes well for me then I will be having a little more serious surgery to fix my acid reflux ( I don't really mention it here, but I have been suffering for a long time with acid reflux that is at a very abnormal level), which will most likely be the day before my birthday.

So the funny thing is, I have been looking at my birthday as being the turning point for all this....but truth is, it's not that simple. I really need this surgery and it works best for my work to be out during my birthday, LOL, so there goes that, unless something gets changed when I actually meet my surgeon. I am very much looking forward to us both feeling our best again.

The nice thing is when Sam gets his nose fixed, we aren't going to have to worry so much about every time he gets exposed to pollen. I have serious plans for using him outside this spring and summer.

I have to say one thing, he has his moments of being miserable and sometimes takes it out on me, which of course you take things out on the one you are closest to, but over all Sam has been so patient really, for this whole past year, waiting to get his life back to normal. His reactions to all the set backs have many times been better than mine. I guess we have each taken our turns being the stronger one, but that is what a relationship is.

I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas right now as I wait for him to wake up. I really want to let him sleep until his body wakes him, and I am pretty sure he has slept long enough now that it has to help a lot. I so want to play with my toy when he wakes up :). Better yet I hope that he actually wakes with it twitching for me right from the start.

More another time.

I Miss All the Little Things

2011-04-20T17:23:00.002-04:00

I have really been missing all the little things, the little day to day rules and rituals. Sam has been following his major rules these past few weeks, or maybe it has been a couple months now, but he isn't really able to follow through on all his daily tasks and rituals he had.

I really miss choosing his clothing every day, but until he gets home I can't. I really miss sending him out for errands wearing exactly what I want, or sending him to the grocery store to buy something with some special embarrassing instructions, but there isn't any of that right now.

I miss him being able to actually do little tasks for me all through the day, the using him as I wished that I used to be able to do. Now I am lucky if there is even teasing him most days. I know he misses these things too, especially being healthy enough to fulfill his title of total slut.

I know he misses being home too and all the fun that awaits. It is hard to feel as connected as Mistress and submissive while things are like they are, so I try to hold tight to my fantasies and plans for him and things we have done in the past, and remember that even before when we hit rough times with his health, as soon as things improve everything bounces right back how it was and then all is well again.

But for now I miss all the little things that make him my slut.

SIX O's

2011-04-19T20:53:00.003-04:00

For ME, not him. Hehehe.

I was horny today, more than normal. I guess my last two posts just got me aroused.

So I ended up being so horny today at work that I actually got myself off there at work. No one was around and I was very careful about it, because at any moment someone could have walked in. The little risk of it gave me a nice thrill.

But that orgasm didn't even touch it, I came home horny as fucking hell and told my slut that I needed to cum hard. He entertained me for about an hour and I came very hard, then he had to leave me for a while.

As nice as that orgasm was with him it just wasn't enough. I had to grab out my magic wand after he left and make myself cum 4 more times. I just needed it. I came very hard, and I could have taken more, but sometimes I go too far with the wand and give myself very hard burns on my intimate parts, so I stopped before I heated things up too much.

This was just what I needed, muscle clenching, heart racing, hard core cumming, and it was wonderful. I feel so relaxed right now. The orgasm that I enjoyed the most was the one shared with my slut. I love cumming with him.

It is funny because I cum most every day at least once, but that is never enough, I have to break out the wand from time to time and take as much from myself as I can get! I just need it.

I think Sam is one lucky sub because he has a Mistress that almost never tires of using him and is always in the mood for sexy things.

Leaky Horny Slut I Miss

2011-04-18T20:37:00.002-04:00

This is a picture of the past, of the toy I own. This toy might be attached to his body but it belongs to me fully. It gets no attention unless it is from me. And even then it is only when I feel like it. In this picture my toy was taped to a vibrator that had him on the edge and leaking like a faucet for me. Just look at that pre cum. So fucking hot.

This is what I want, when he is back to work and things are normal again soon after his surgery. I want him to be my leaking horny slut, all day, everyday, getting more and more frustrated with each passing hour. I want him leaking enough to be a good slut and lick it several times a day...and I want him leaking enough that my toy feels always wet and serves as another reminder of him belonging to me. And I want him leaving wet spots on his clothes that others can see.

I want that toy throbbing with need all day every day...longing to cum for me but knowing it can't. I want it to remember every second of the day that it belongs to me and so does he and only my pleasure really matters at all.

And I want to torture him, I want to make my toy suffer nothing but pain for weeks on end, while I use all other means possible to keep him horny and eager.

I also want to use those nipples hard. I want him to start suctioning then a few times a day so they stay puffy and tender and stick out in his skimpy slutty shirts. I want them to be always sore so that when I choose to inflict pain on them, they really hurt. I want him aware every second of every day that he is MY slut.

Soon, that is what I keep telling myself, soon I will have all this back again, and so will he, and there won't be any stopping the fun we will have.

Ass Worship?

2011-04-17T19:23:00.002-04:00

Lately here I have been very turned on thinking of making Sam worship my asshole with his tongue. I have been watching a lot of porn of men licking their woman's assholes and envisioning what this would be like, and it really turns me on.

I know that Sam won't like to read this, LOL, because that is far from is fetish. But I also know that I do have the control to have him do that for me. It is not a hard limit for him because I would not involve any scat play into it. I love the thought of him being on his hands and knees, spreading my cheeks apart and licking me there and kissing me there, as submissive as he could possibly be, while I played with my clit until I came very hard. I love that he would do it for one reason only, because I have control of him and his job is to please me. There would be no personal satisfaction in it for him aside from pleasing me.

And I love the thought of it because I bet it feels totally wonderful...and it really turns me on. I even bet that if I worked the right angle I could one day get Sam to beg me to allow him to worship my lovely asshole and maybe even convince me that he needed it so badly. I mean with all the control I have over him, of course I could get him to that mindset...and hearing those words from him would really turn me on.

It won't be his favorite activity, but neither is eating his cum. Oh yes, that brings me to another hot turn on of mine. Making him beg me to let him stroke my toy and cum all over my asshole so that he can lick it clean for me. :). Yes, very sexy thought.

Or maybe just maybe, Sam will see that licking my ass isn't bad at all, not what he mentally thinks it would be now before he has done it, and when he sees how much I would love it, he would really learn to love it himself.

Anything is possible.

I love how things change...a year ago having him worship my ass didn't really mean much to me. It was something that I could take or leave, but now I want it :). I hope one day he learns to want it too.

Truth be told I want his tongue all over my body, and his lips too, kissing me everywhere and making every part of me feel loved by him, and desired by him and needed by him. I want to feel from those kisses from him that his life could never be complete again without me, and that I am really the Mistress he waited this lifetime to find. I want time to move faster and Sam to be back to work and new plans to be made so that our time to be together finally comes and everything I have been waiting for and dreaming of can finally happen. That I can finally feel all those things from how he touches me rather than from what he says to me or does for me. Not that those things aren't nice too, but the touch is what I am longing for right now.

Shower Cumming

2011-04-13T19:47:00.002-04:00

You may have noticed that I let my slut cum the other day. He had been 2.5 weeks or so without a real O and had ruined that one as I wished over the weekend. The insomnia continues so there wasn't really a build up from that ruined one...everything is too dulled from his total exhaustion to be really horny for me. And this time the insomnia could be caused in part from medication, so they are trying to figure it out. In the mean time we just hang in there day by day waiting for it to break, which it will, and trying to get things done before his surgery. I really want him to get rested before surgery because I am afraid his defenses will be weakened if he doesn't and maybe his recovery will be slower. Anyway I will just be happy and him to when this is behind us and we can get back to business. So I told him the other day that while showering I wanted him to just stroke my toy and cum for me in the shower and let the cum be washed away, and to enjoy it. I don't often at all allow him to cum when I am not present, and I also don't seem to be letting him cum that much the past year as it is, so I am sure, despite his exhaustion he was really thankful for this. Of course as much as he loves to be controlled and give me ownership of that cock, he does miss being able to cum more often. He wouldn't be normal if he didn't. So he came for me and he was really sweet thanking me after and asking if he could please cum again the next day in the shower. That is what I want, him thinking more about cumming more often and asking more often so that when I do deny him again for a long time it will be even harder. As you can see he did not cum in the shower the next day. I did give him permission but he was too tired to make it happen. I am ok either way. Haven't decided when I am letting him cum again so we will see.

Update and a Ruined One!!!

2011-04-10T00:16:00.002-04:00

Hello everyone, welcome to our new followers!!! So excited that you decided to join us here.

I just wanted to give a quick update. Sam's sinus infection has finally cleared up (that took forever) and they are keeping him on antibiotics until he can have surgery, which hopefully is going to be very soon. Hopefully we will have a date early this week and we can get this show on the road.

In the mean time it has been difficult for him to consistently do what is needed to help ensure he sleeps well, so there have been some insomnia issues too. That really hinders things for us. But this time we are just trying to grin and bear it because we know what fixes it and why he has insomnia so we also know that his sleep is going to get back to normal soon too.

Despite being exhausted lately, he has been horny. It has been a couple weeks again since his last real orgasm, and it takes an awful lot to put my toy down for the count. At least these past few days we have had a little more time together. I do tease him when I get the chance, but any real play is on hold until his surgery is done and we can get back to normal.

Tonight I was teasing him and I really got him going talking about some slutty beauty care needs, and ways I might humiliate him in public and here on this blog for all of you to share in. Lately I am getting really impatient waiting for him to be well so we can start training his fuckhole (asshole) for good hard fucking. There are so many ways I want to use him, that sometimes it is hard for me to be patient and wait. But I do believe that this spring and summer has to hold some good things for us.

I have so many plans for fun things to share here on this blog again, I just can't wait until we can.

So yes, tonight I was teasing him and it didn't take him too long to move to the edge. He started to ask if he could please cum for me. I asked him if he really wanted to cum more or be horny more, and he said both, but that what he really wanted was to be controlled. I love this man so much. :). I love those words. So I told him that I really wanted both too, and didn't he think that I should have both if I want both? And he said "oh fuck" because he knew that meant I wanted him to ruin his orgasm for me, so that he could cum and yet he could also be horny for me. And the next thing I knew, I had him asking me so sweetly to let him ruin one for me. So I said yes, and he kept his hands away and ruined one for me. Afterwards he was very eager for me to let him go wash up, but before he did he offered for me to lick a finger full of his cum for me, which I wanted, of course. I love to make him eat his cum, and there is going to be more cum eating in the future too!

In fact sometimes I really miss using him as my dirty slut too, having him do dirty things with his cum for me. In fact, truth be told I miss everything, all the time. Everything we were able to do last year before all this crap happened. And I know he misses it to because he tells my quite often, and he shows me with the little things.

Oh and I have told Sam he is not on any kind of denial right now...and won't be on a true denial for a while, so I want to retrain him to wanting to cum all the time. I think during the last 9 months he got used to denial mode, but right now I am in the mood to let him cum, but that doesn't mean that every single cum should be a real one. However I do want him asking me often to cum, I want him to get used to cumming and rebuilding a state of wanting to cum again, and for it to truly be a hardship when I deny him. Basically, when there was such long denials, he fell out of the habit of asking to cum, and I want to reverse that. I think he understands what I want and will give it to me. The only reason that denial should happen is when I say no, not when he forgets to ask ;).

Thank you for the comments asking if we are okay.

Very Evil Toy...

2011-03-26T01:13:00.005-04:00

So a few weeks ago when Sam was feeling a little better, I decided to tease him in a new way. I was sending him links to various slutty clothes and nighties and such, and then making him look at them as I described why I would make him wear them and what I might make him do. It was working so well. I think he gave me at least 30 edges. Probably more.

Then after that I started to look at toys and I stumbled upon this one, and when I started telling Sam how perfect this one would be for his Sissy Training, or just in general use for my fun, he really got scared. This fake strap on pussy seems so perfect for punishment for him, or just for him to wear when I want to disable my toy as a cock and turn it into a different type of toy...using vibrators there on the head, or just a couple of lubed fingers swirling it.

And not to mention the ideas for humiliating him with this are endless.

The funny thing is I am not even into Sissification and neither is Sam, but I have total control over him, and one way to make sure he fully feels it and also to make sure he doesn't forget his place, is to make him live as a sissy from time to time. I would never be interested in that for the long term, but here and there in order to get what I want from it, I can live with.

Anyone ever used this type of toy? Can you leave us some input?

Or if not, maybe leave me an evil idea of a way I can use it with Sam.

I will be looking forward to your comments.

I Let Him Cum

2011-03-24T23:17:00.003-04:00

As you probably read in Sam's last post, he has been having a rough time. This sinus infection situation is no joke let me tell you. I can't believe it. Everytime the doctor thinks it is killed, the fucker comes right back, and with fury. Funny thing is I am always the first one to know it too. I can just tell by his mood and behavior and this past time I was able to tell before tests could even confirm it.

Seriously speaking, the sinus infections have really stolen the last 6-8 weeks from us, making it so clear that he has to have that sinus surgery asap. No one should be expected to live like this. After everything else he went through over the summer, this is just the last thing he needed. Everything else improved so much though that there is no reason to think that we won't have a great spring and summer. We both need that so much.

I don't know if any of you know how they test for bacteria in the sinus, but they have to stick a huge needle through your nose into the sinus and flush it. Ya...not pleasant. I don't think I could sit there for it once, and yet my Sam as had this done more times than we can count, seriously at least a couple dozen times, and that makes him freaking brave in my book. I don't think I could do it, and he does it mostly without complaint, because its the best thing for him when he gets so sick with a sinus infection.

The last several weeks have been so hard. He is so sick of being sick, and I am missing him so much. We are approaching a year in like 3 weeks from when Sam was initially supposed to be here last April, and that is what is making it hard on me emotionally, because we are no closer to making new plans for that, because he isn't well enough yet, and not back to work yet. The thing is, all the stuff he went through last summer is over and under control, but the reason he didn't get back to work this winter is the damn sinus. So unfair.

I've been crying a lot and feeling like I have PMS all month long, and I think it is because I am sad and nervous. I am sad because this isn't fair and I hate knowing how he is suffering. Sad because I miss him and being able to spend time with him where we aren't looking at the clock, or thinking what time he should go to bed, etc. And I am sad because everything is in limbo. I am nervous because he has to have a surgery where they put him under, not just epidural, and I can't be there in person, which means I have to wait even longer to know he is okay, till he is well enough to tell me himself. I am just nervous that all goes well and he is just okay. I can't help it, being across the ocean I am going to worry. That is just me.

And that brings me to the point of this post. When Sam begged me to deny him a couple months ago, I told him that I would but if sickness started to screw it up again I would stop it. Although I admit I held out hope and the few times he was able to edge for me I didn't let him cum. I love when he is so horny for me, and how that horny level builds and builds, and he bounces back to that quite fast when sickness comes in between, but the truth is he can get horny again fairly soon anyway.

Today he was really suffering. I felt so bad for him, because there is also some stress hanging over both our heads of something that really needs to get done and hasn't for months now. This is weighing greatly on the both of us, and everything combined I just felt he needed something. You see, unless Sam is very sick, he is happy to help me cum any time I want. And he has. He has all this stress and all this crappy feeling, and something that would bring him a little pleasure he can't even take for himself, because I own that toy.

So I told Sam that I wanted to try to wake my toy and get his mind off things and give him a few minutes of fun. He was skeptical that I would even be able to get my toy hard, let alone anything more. But I teased him and guided him toward what I wanted. Finally to help him get where I needed him I had to go ahead and tell him that my motive in all this was to get him to cum for me, that I felt he needed the few minutes of pleasure, as well as to release some of the tension in his body. It wasn't the most ideal way to play and cum, but we did it anyway.

I teased him to the edge and gave him some pretty evil thoughts to think as he slipped over and came for me, and I loved hearing him moan, knowing that for a moment he felt really good and that some tension would be gone. He deserved it. No one should have to carry this much stress and feel this lousy. But this was NOT a pity orgasm. This was a gift of a few minutes of feeling good from a loving Mistress. It was my decision to give him some pleasure, because it is mine to give. I am glad it worked.

I hope that tomorrow is a better day for him. I know this sounds kind of glum, but one thing to remember is that sometimes the treatments are worse than the sickness. What is making him the most sick really is the antibiotics. They are giving him very strong doses, sometimes more than one kind at a time, which is the biggest reason he is so sick. Kind of like when someone is on chemo to kill cancer and it makes them so sick.

It makes everyone who loves you feel so freaking helpless. I can't fix him and I can't suffer it for him, but I can be here for him and I am the only person who can give him a few minutes of pleasure, and tonight I did :)

I love him very much. I really do. I would give anything to help him.

Keep us in your thoughts and don't give up on us. I haven't given up. We miss the fun we used to have, and the fun things we were posting on this blog all the time, and as soon as we are able we will be back full force.

Time since his last Orgasm, 2 months!

Just an added note here, I was in no way comparing a sinus infection (even a recurrent nasty one like Sam has) to cancer. I was comparing strong antibiotics to chemo. Not many people, myself included, would realize exactly how sick they can make you, and after watching family members suffer chemo, and Sam suffering these Antiobiotics, aside from the emotional aspect, the physical aspect is not that much different. He has spent time throwing up and so totally sick he doesn't want to move an inch. And also I guess until you have had a sinus infection like this one, and the other medical conditions Sam has you can't realize how crappy it makes you feel. It sounds simple, just a sinus infection, but it isn't simple at all. It is nasty and it makes you have a fever and feel like total shit. And then strong antibiotics by IV just make you feel much much much worse. So to me right now, this feels serious and all I know is it is very hard emotionally for me to stand by helpless for the most part and watch him suffer.

Update

2011-03-21T18:36:00.001-04:00

Things have been quiet here with our blog because I've been having what seems like one big 6 week long sinus infection. Just when I am finally reaching a much healthier status with everything else that was wrong and Mistress figured out a fix for my insomnia my sinuses are really screwing me.

The good news is that once I have a little operation for it this problem should be over and stop happening like it has. So that's why no real posting lately.

Mistress is keeping me denied and her toy definitely loves her because it responds to her sometimes despite how sick I feel. Lol. It really is HERS. I love that.

And I'm going to be so screwed. I begged Mistress the other night to give me an evil surprise. So she did. She made me choose between 20 ruined orgasms before I have even a chance for a real one. Or 3 months of going to my main cafe as a slut at least 2 to 3 times every week.

Oh, fuck!

I hate ruined ones. But I also want to keep my cafe a little vanilla as long as she let's me. So I chose ruined ones. But I am sure during that three months there will still be some slutty cafe trips even if not as many.

So I'm gonna soon be a frustrated even hornier slut for Mistress in agony every time I feel her toy contracting with no pleasure and knowing Mistress she probably won't waste all of that cum either. So I'm gonna be in trouble LOL.

Well at least she's going to be amused and have fun with me and I do love that.

Wish me us luck that this operation is done fast and we can really enjoy our spring and summer!

sam

Forced Sissification

2011-03-10T12:41:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a great deal about the topic of Forced Sissification. You know since Sam gave me complete and total control over him he has no say if I were to decide to force him to live as a sissy for a period of time. I've never been into sissy play nor him. The interest we've had in sissy type of things was always because it bring out the slut in him. However I love knowing I have this control over him. I'd love to see him submit to me that deeply. It could be fun. I'm seriously thinking of trying it. Sometime I'd like your imput though. Experiences. Anything. How do you think it will benefit us? What would be the draw? I already found a pussy Sam can wear to turn that cock into a pussy and turn his cock head into a clit and I intend him to purchase that. The ideas for humiliating him with that are endless. So give me some input. Tell me what you think I should do with me slut :)Thanks!!!

Great Minds Think Alike

2011-02-19T22:44:00.002-05:00

So yesterday I made the blog post telling what I wanted of my slut and strangely enough at practically the same time I got this email from him, which pretty much sums up what I was saying. We have a real knack at doing that sometimes. So here was what he had to say...

Mistress,

Why should you use toy/slut more now:

I want you to use me and your toy because slut should be horny every minute of slut's life. Leaking and wanting to cum so badly that slut don't know how to survive next hour.
Or minute.

And slut should blush all the time. Either because slut's humiliated right at that moment or because slut knows what's coming next. And what's coming next is going to be hard. Slut should be in little fear all the time how you use slut.

And that all should be every waking minute of slut's life. There shouldn't be any minute when slut at least don't feel very fucking slutty. Either used or to be used.

Your Slut

What I Want

2011-02-18T13:20:00.000-05:00

I want all of him. I want to own him completely and absolutely. I want him to be MY slut and only Mine always. I want to have 100 percent control of him and I want his total submission. I want him to love and hate being my slut. I want him always being nervous wondering what I've got planned for him. I want to torture and use him. I want to inflict pain on him and drive him out of his mind. I want to love him. I want to know the I am the first thing he thinks of when he wakes and the last thing before sleep. I want to train him in all things slutty. I want him able to be any kind of slut I desire. When I desire it. I don't mind letting others share in his humiliation and observe him. But I don't think I'll ever want to share him in reality. I am a bit too possessive of what is mine. I want him blushing nearly every minute. Always leaky and horny because of how he's treated. I want him to be the perfect fuck toy for me when that is what I wish. Or the perfect gentle lover when I desire it. Even when I hurt him I will love him. Even as he dreads what I'll make him do I want him wanting and needing it deep down. Yes. I want to be the one who pushes him and forces him to do every nasty, slutty depraved thing he never thought he could. I'll be his demanding Mistress but always loving him more and more. And I also want him to feel being MY slut every minute of his life, even if just sublty at times. That's all I want. I want all of him. Every day. Any time I want. I am a very lucky Mistress because he gave all this to me for Christmas and surrendered all to me. Now I have exactly what I want and it will just get better from here.

Yes...So Nice to Have a Horny Slut Again

2011-02-16T23:04:00.002-05:00

I hope you have been entertained by Sam's last few posts. I decided to sit back and let him do the posting.

Something really changed in the last week and for the first time truly since last spring I am feeling like we really ARE turning the corner on the whole nightmare of spring, summer and fall...and while there is still a bit more to take place before it is really behind us, it is a huge improvement.

I believe I have diagnosed and cured his sleeping issues myself...hopefully! The sleep deprivation really was getting too much and at least one thing now, he is falling asleep much better and his sleep quality should continue to improve. It makes a huge difference with EVERYTHING when he isn't a walking zombie all the time.

The second that he was rested, he became my eager slut again. I realize this isn't always easy for him, especially when he knows that some of his actions have hurt me, while he was cranky and exhausted, and he knew my patience was wearing thin, but I give him credit for bouncing back so fast for me. That is one way that I know there is no doubt that he still wants the same things and we are still on the same page, even if our D/s connection wasn't very strong while he was so exhausted.

And as always it came back full force immediately. I don't know why I worry when things interfere because it is pretty clear we are meant for each other as Mistress and slut. We just are. It almost makes me laugh to think that I worry when the it seems there is too much distance between us and then in such a short time the gap can be closed and we are just one again.

Anyways, I have been using him pretty hard the last few days. He has given me countless edges, I have taken more control of him, I have been giving him evil choices to choose from each day, and just really reminding him of his status. It's just what he needed. His mind is on being my controlled slut and how horny he is for me all day long now. He is already starting to get himself into "trouble" with the things he asks.

And another thing, that I am incredibly pleased with, his edging skills are improving. I've told him that when he edges without me, he doesn't have to hold them, but when he edges for me of course I make it harder. Sometimes I let him stop fairly fast, but other times I am firm and demanding and make him hold them. And amazingly he is holding them longer for me than he ever has.

Tonight he gave me one of the fucking hottest edges every. Not only was he holding the edge for me, but I was making him tell me how badly he needs this, how he needs to be kept this horny for me more than he ever needed to cum before. It was nice to hear him struggling and moaning his answers to me and yet all the same time holding it, and moaning harder, and asking to please let him stop. I told him to hold it till he absolutely couldn't a second longer and then just start cropping that cock head till he dropped away. That was hot. To hear him moaning with pleasure and frustration and then just hear him groaning in pain the next second.

Tonight I teased him to tons of edges showing him links to clothes I may have him get one day. And other sexy things. It drove him mad. I know it made him the horniest yet. And then I was teasing him about toys and I came across something that is going to be priceless for us.

We will share all about it in a post soon. Let's just say that he is really scared now, because he knows the ways I can use this thing are endless and any way you cut the dice it's going to be awful for him. :). Just the way it should be.

And not only do I have my horny slut back, but for the first time in months he truly seems happy again. And also he is getting sweeter. Tonight he sent me the sweetest email out of the blue, and those are the things he always did before, that were missing all these months. And now I really believe this is just the beginning of things getting even better.

I think in some of the posts I made before, I was trying to stay positive for him and me, and our readers, but I don't think that the feelings of hope were 100 percent real. Not that I lied, but I think sometimes you can almost convince yourself that you are so hopeful, because it is the only way you can really cope at the time. But right now I actually really feel hopeful.

And the nice thing is that if I can get him really back, the time is going to pass by faster and more fun and in time we can start making new plans for being together in person. What a journey this has been. I must admit there were a few times i wasn't sure we were going to make it, because it was really really hard, but it helps that we are both stubborn, and honestly that we have so much love and passion, otherwise we would not have endured this. There have been some fights, and many tears but that is only normal when things get as stressful as they were for us.
Just imagine how frustrated you would be if you had been through what Sam went through...and then imagine how you would feel if you were me, just waiting, and hoping but generally feeling helpless to really be able to fix anything.

I can't wait to see what happens from here, and just how horny I am going to make him before I ever let him cum. He has been warned that this time I am going to push him...and I have threatened to make it a good long denial. And the truth is he needs it. He needs to feel my absolute control and he needs to feel that I am pleased with him. I just think he really needs to submit and just have me use him. After all he begged for this.

I know just what he needs. It's amazing how well I know what is in his head. I plan to really make the most of this denial period.

Stay tuned for more.

Random Thoughts

2011-02-15T14:27:00.000-05:00

(Mistress had me wearing ball separator and vibe and just letting out my random thoughts for her and you. This is what they are. And not to mention her toy is always needy, leaky and often hard for her every minute of the day already )

I'm so fucking horny. Want to be even more horny though. Leaking and cock throbbing. I'm gonna get in big 'trouble'. More horny I get more I want. I know it, Mistress knows it. And she's gonna used it. And I want that. Longer this takes, more and harder things I'm gonna ask. I want to be very used slut. Controlled slut. I want Mistress to change my behavior.
I'm so screwed. And will be even more so. I want to blush and feel embarrassed. And I want Mistress to surprise me and use me ways I couldn't even image she would. For her fun. Her amusement. I want Mistress really have evil fun when I feel shocked about things she gonna make me do. I want to be full time slut. Used one. For Mistress.

Announcing Myself

2011-02-14T19:25:00.000-05:00

Mistress informed me tonight that I am to announce myself to the world what I am.

So here it is. I am a slut. Mistress' slut. Any kind of slut she wants. Just a slut. To be used. For her fun. Her amusement. Or just used because sluts should be used. So that is what I am. A Slut. That's that.

sam

PS...don't forget to see the post before this one...it will be quite amusing for you.

Denied

2011-02-13T23:46:00.003-05:00

Saturday night Mistress and I were playing, and after a few edges and some fun teasing Mistress told me that since it was late and we were both tired, she wanted me to ruin an orgasm for her, so that I could wake up Sunday very horny and eager right from the start. So what could I do. I had to obey. She teased me some more and got me to the edge and then I just ruined it for her. It was fucking frustrating at the start of it, but then part way through it got a little easier. I really wanted to cum though. It has been a while since the last time I came and it would have been nice to cum. I can understand Mistress wanting me to be horny for her though, because I love to be horny for her too...at least for a while.

So Sunday morning came and I woke from sleep earlier than I wanted and was a bit restless after that, but even at that time, Mistress' toy was very awake and wanting to be used. I even wrote something to that effect to Mistress while she was asleep, letting her know that I want to be made to be an embarrassed slut all the time, blushing for her and driving her toy nuts.

It wasn't long before we both woke up that Mistress and I were on skype, and her toy was practically hard right off the bat. She was nice enough to let me touch it, and fuck it felt good. Mistress had made a comment the night before that the only way she wouldn't give me those 4 orgasms that I am to be allowed before denial, was if I begged her not to let me have them. I was so horny already, and would have liked to cum, except that I also love to be so horny for Mistress because she loves it so much. She is so patient sometimes when I am sick and all that I really love to be a good horny slut for her whenever I can be. It's just hard because I also love to cum, and sometimes I miss the days when I used to cum more often. But still, I am a slut, and part of being a slut is making Mistress happy and being horny for her as much as possible.

Mistress had to go for a few minutes and told me to stroke and think while she was gone. She wanted me to think what I wanted in terms of cumming/denial, and be ready to tell her when she returned. Well you know me, when I get horny I often get into trouble with the things I ask for. When Mistress got back I asked her very nicely to please just be evil and start the denial and driving me out of my mind horny right now, and not let me cum. I told her I wanted this because she has been so patient, and I really wanted to be back to being her horny slut most of all.

Yup, I am sure I am going to regret that one soon enough. It is amazing after you give away your chance to cum, how fast you want it. After that Mistress had me stroking and rubbing and I really wanted to cum, it felt so fucking good. Instead she teased me to a couple more edges, and she made me hold them. On one of the edges I didn't think I could hold it ten seconds, but Mistress was firm and demanded a minute, and she kept encouraging me and I actually held it for her the whole minute even though it was agony, LOL. So, I have no clue what she has in store for me, but I know it is going to be hard. She is going to push me. She has made it clear she has a lot of plans for me and I know she has been very patient waiting to use me hard. I hope I can give her all she wants from me.

Stay tuned for another fun post this week where slut really gets himself into more trouble when Mistress asked me to do something for her. I am sure you are all going to be entertained. As for me, I think I am going to be more screwed than ever.

Mistress thank you for using me, and thank you for pushing me and please Mistress, just one thing, use me fucking hard please, and be evil.

Love you.

sam

Few More Before Denial

2011-02-01T07:30:00.000-05:00

When I woke up today there was an email from Mistress.

Saying that we will roll one dice to see how many real orgasm I will have before Mistress starts to deny me. Deny me until I go nuts with hornyness and ruined orgasm. Fun. And a bit scary too.

Well, more than little scary. I know that when Mistress informs me before like this it's gonna be something. Something else. Something hard. Something fun. Well, for Mistress. And for me, suffering. But fun suffering, at least fun for awhile. Can't wait this to start.

Thank you Mistress for this fun surprise.

Love you.

sam

P.S. We rolled and I have 4 real orgasm before denial starts. Hooray. Or not. Because Mistress is deciding how I cum and what happens to all that cum.

Plate Full of Cum

2011-01-24T21:58:00.002-05:00

So as I am sure you all read, I let my slut cum for real last night. I ended his 16 and half week denial period by letting him cum twice with me live. I just felt it was time and that he deserved to feel some pleasure and to release some tension. I love being the Mistress and having that control over him, to decide when he feels pleasure.

I was feeling generous today and bit relaxed and I decided to give my slut a treat. I told him that I wanted him to cum for me in the shower right before we would skype, and that I wanted every bit of that cum to be put on a plate and brought to me on Skype. I told him not to let it get watery and not to lose any that I wanted all of it.

I think I surprised my slut, and he replied with an "oh, boy" and told me he would obey me as I wished, but of course he knew nothing too good was coming from this one when I expected that cum offered up to me.

Well, my slut brought me the plate of cum. Yummy! It made me happy to allow him to cum for me tonight. I told him to offer me three ways that we could use that cum.

This is what he offered.

To use it as a lip gloss tonight, refreshing it at the start of each period of the sporting game he will watch.

To rub it on his nipples during the sporting game.

To leave it sitting there beside him smelling while he watched.

Nice offers, in fact I liked them so much I decided I wanted all 3. So...he will be coated in cum on those sexy lips that belong to me, and that will ensure he smells and tastes it often, and also those slutty nipples will be covered and anything left will just be there on the plate until the sporting game is done.

Yup, I like this. I like letting him cum and using him as dirty slut sometimes. It reminds him of his status, and how little control he has left, if any. It also means he will be thinking of me and feeling my control over him.

So that was Monday...:)

Lots of O's for Mistress and Two for Me

2011-01-23T23:09:00.000-05:00

Earlier in the week Mistress had told me that during our Skype time on Saturday she really wanted me to cum hard many times and that she wanted to use her magic wand while I teased her and turned her on with some hot fantasies. My Mistress is having a very stressful time at work lately and really needed to get rid of some tension. Mistress really is happiest when she cums every day, but with work making her so worn out and tired lately she hasn't been cumming very much.

Of course I wanted to help her cum and not to mention I enjoy seeing her in pleasure and playing. I've been getting so much better the last weeks but my sleeping isn't and insomnia is an awful thing to have. I am so tired of being tired and not being able to sleep well. That is what happened Saturday, but I fought to perk up to be able to share this time with my Mistress and help her relieve her tension. And also we haven't had our normal amount of time together lately and we both miss that.

I did help my Mistress cum, 9 times to be exact. One was with her finger before the wand and then 8 with her magic wand. We were shooting for 13, but the wand heats up and can really burn Mistress badly if she isn't careful, so this time she knew just when to stop before the real damage would start. It was nice to see her having all that pleasure. After the second O she just started laughing.

After Mistress was done cumming hard she asked me if I would like to cum, and of course I want to cum, but I was just too tired to even try. Now that is what I mean, I am tired of being tired. I want to be slutty all the time and cum when I might have a small chance to, and just be able to spend time with Mistress without it being so hard for me. And then Saturday night I didn't sleep again and woke exhausted even worse on Sunday.

During Sunday afternoon Mistress sent me an email and told me that on Skype she was going to tease me, even if I wasn't feeling well, she said that I needed to relieve some tension and that she would tease something out of me and her toy, whether it be a ruined one or a real one. I of course was tired but I also thought that it might be fun and it might work. I wanted to try, but I was a little worried how it would go with me being this tired, because I wouldn't want to disappoint her.

I did all I could to get to the best feeling I could today despite being tired and then Mistress and I played. She teased me and her toy responded right away and felt so good. It didn't take more than a little teasing before it was leaking for her. Yes, there is no doubt that toy is hers. We slowly worked toward me getting to the edge and when I got to the first edge I started to ask to cum. Mistress was teasing me more and really making me ask many ways for it, reminding me of things and then she made me laugh and I dropped from the edge after that.

I was more relaxed though knowing I could edge and everything was on track, so she teased me some more and pretty soon I was on edge again, asking to cum, telling her that I needed it, not only because it would feel so fucking good but also because I wanted her to have a clean start with her toy now that slut is healthy and not sick all the time. The only thing left to fix is this insomnia and I am going to really be back fully. I really wanted to cum for her.

Finally Mistress told me that I could cum. Just like that, not really that big of a dramatic moment. And I came...and it did feel very good. My cum was quite thick and just sort of came without much pressure, so there was no shooting every where for Mistress, but after a 4 month denial it did feel so nice to cum for her. I am happy that Mistress decided she wanted me to have a little pleasure today after everything that has been happening. It's been so long since I had any control over my cock or orgasms, and I never know exactly what she has in store for me, but I do know that Mistress does like me to have pleasure too, when she decides it. I just love it so much more when it is her decision and not my own.

Shortly after I came and washed up she allowed me to stroke again when I asked. Then she surprised me and said that if I could get to the edge again I could cum. I didn't think it would work, but sure enough her toy responded and it wasn't long before I was near the edge and Mistress teased me with a quick fantasy about how she is going to fuck my ass in the park one day, and before long I was asking her to cum and she said yes. There was a big relief that came with the second one too! It felt nice.

So that was our weekend...lot's of O's for Mistress and two for me, and even if she hadn't let me cum at all I would still be happy because I made her happy last night.

Thank you for letting me have two real O's for you Mistress and have that fucking good feeling.

And on a side note, I am too tired to write even decent text using a foreign language, even if Mistress does tell me I am very fluent in English, so Mistress helped me get this written so we could post it tonight. Thank you for helping me Mistress.

Love you.

sam

Ruined One in Kitchen

2011-01-16T22:29:00.000-05:00

Friday night after Mistress and I played and we made that blog post, before she let me go shower and wash my cum off my face, she gave me an order. While making dinner she told me to find something in the kitchen to just cum on. She wanted me to simply stroke myself as quickly as possible to the edge and then ruin another orgasm for her, all over the object. That would make my second ruined for that day. So...what could I do, I was ruined. And so was O around the middle of me making dinner. I really hate ruined orgasms, they are pure agony, but I do enjoy making my Mistress happy and if that is what it takes, I will obey her.

But fuck I want to cum. For real. It's been over 15 weeks since my last real orgasm. I don't count those weeks but Mistress keeps reminding me about the length of time daily. It's just her way to make it more difficult for me. I don't so much think this in time but more like how it feels at times to be this horny, but when she reminds me how long it has been it does make it seem harder because I am so fucking horny. And I also fear that the long time might indicate how she is going to be going forward with the amount of time between letting me have real orgasms. And thinking the time for the future and how rare my orgasms might be is much harder than thinking how long it has been since the last one.

Thank you for this ruined one Mistress, and letting me do something like that for you while cooking. Also thank you for keeping me wondering and always trying to guess what is coming.

I love you Mistress.

sam

Friday Evening Perfectly EVIL Fun!!!

2011-01-14T17:28:00.002-05:00

Sam and I are sitting here together, well on Skype, to make this blog post. I am sitting naked in my bed nice and comfy and clean, well my pussy is a little sticky, but that's not as poor Sam who is sitting here with a face loaded with his wet cum. MMMMM.

Yes, as you can tell we had a little fun today. Ahhhh. I feel nice and relaxed, as I should, and Sam well...he is thankful he has a stuffy nose right now.

My slut informed today that once again my toy was needy right from the moment he woke. I love it. That is how it should be everyday. I decided I wanted to tease him and edge him a few times, so we got started. I spent the first portion of our time just reminding him of his new status and how he no longer has any control since he asked me to take 100 percent control of him. Yes, although I like to remind him of this, I also get very hot talking about it, because I do love to have him as MY slut and only MY slut. Besides I do think that he needs constant reminder that he gave himself to me and this is what his new life is going to be like forever.

After this teasing we got down to edging business. The first edge took a bit for him to reach and I didn't make him hold it long. However the next two edges came faster and I did make him hold it. I am very pleased with my slut because he has improved greatly on holding edges for me, and now when I surprise him and make him hold them he does, quite well, and that is so much more fun for me because I can really get off better from hearing him struggling and moaning.

After those edges my pussy was soaked and I was hot and horny and I wanted to cum hard, and I hadn't decided what I was going to do about Sam. He had been expressing how much he "needed" to cum for me, how my toy "needed" to explode, but I just wasn't sure he really needed it, but I knew I did need to cum. So I made him get to another edge, telling him this time be prepared to hold it.

His moaning and begging to cum when he reached the edge really made me wild. It wasn't long before I decided what I wanted, and so I told him that I was going to cum very soon and that as soon as I started to cum he needed to ruin an orgasm for me. He was still on edge all this time, and even though just 10 seconds earlier he was begging to have real one, he seemed all too happy to submit to this ruined one for me when I said that was what I wanted. I reminded him shortly before I came that he had better pull his away, and he said he would.

So, a few seconds later I exploded into a nice hard orgasm, where I was moaning and almost screaming from pleasure, and that the same time my obedient slut removed his hand and groaned and moaned and said how much he hates that feeling of agony, but yes, he was a good slut and ruined his orgasm while I had a very fucking hard great orgasm. I loved it.

I really have to say that was a very nice Mistressy high. I mean that truly is as evil as you can get....especially to let him cum the exact same moment that I did, which really connects two people, but making him ruin was priceless really. Very evil. I felt evil. Sure he really does want to cum, but honestly he doesn't need it yet. And what I needed was to just be Mistress, and in that moment I needed to be evil, so I was. This is about my needs first, and his second.

So yes, that is how he came to be sitting here with a face covered in cum...because I made him rub it on and he won't be allowed to remove it until we are done with this post. I really like the idea of him sitting there coated in cum, yes, his dirty cum, that he didn't even get to enjoy releasing. It's wonderful.

Yes I may seem evil...it has 15.5 weeks since he had a real orgasm, but really, I am just a Mistress who loves her slut, but I also am a Mistress that will use him hard, and push him, and give him chances to be as submissive as he could get. That's because I love him. And I know deep down he needs that more than he "needs" to cum.

Starting Out the New O Year in The Right Way...HEHEHE

2011-01-07T23:30:00.002-05:00

So tonight my slut and I played a bit. This past week was a little stressful for both of us, mainly because he still isn't sleeping well and this past week I had to transition into some new additional duties at my work, so...we were both glad to see Friday night come.

All week even when Sam has been so tired, my toy is awake and ready regardless. I kind of love that! Actually I fucking love it and so does my toy! Slut...well, he just wants to be used, so it's okay. Today I offered Sam a chance to do his make up application in public in a different location, because it doesn't really matter where he does it as long as there is a chance someone could see him. Sam accepted my offer and did this in an elevator using the mirror in there, not knowing when someone would decide to ride that elevator.

I was quite amused. Especially when he told me that he almost "peed in his panties" when he heard a door open, but then lucky for him he realized it someone taking the stairs. What a close call that was! But that fear and excitement is exactly what I want him going through for me. So I was pleased and since he did this for me he now had a chance to cum tonight. But only a chance.

I teased him to 26 edges...and then I told him that he could talk to me about what he wanted, did he want to cum for me or not? After 14 and a half weeks, at least 10 ruined ones and who knows how many edges, I know damn well he wanted to cum, but lately he wants to be controlled and submissive more than anything and so he asked me to just use him however I wanted.

So I did...I got him to the edge again and I told him to ruin an orgasm for me. Hehehe. So fun. It was pure agony for him, but pure pleasure for me...and he made quite a mess. It was then that I offered a choice! I told him he could eat all the cum and be done with it for tonight, or he could go wash and then it was fair game what I did next! Well...of course I knew given the choice my slut would go wash, even though I know he knew what was going to happen next!

So when he came back nice and clean, I got him to the edge again, and then I made him ruin another one for me! This time though I made him eat a little bit of cum for me. Then I let him go wash and when he came back I told him that there wasn't going to be any more ruined ones but that it was time for him to help me cum hard! So he did, very fucking well, and then I told him that was that for tonight.

So...a nice fun way to start the weekend off...slut fucking horny and denied and Mistress cumming hard!

2010 Orgasm Stats

2011-01-07T23:28:00.001-05:00

Ruined O's: 16

Real O's: 16

Perfect Tie!

Revised Rules In Effect for 2011!!!

2010-12-31T23:21:00.002-05:00

Sam's Rules and Rituals

Revised December 31, 2010

(Happy New Year to all our Readers, Hope you Enjoy Reading the Latest Edition of Sam's Rules & Rituals!!!)

For a Christmas Present in 2010 I offered Mistress to take complete and total control of all things related to me being her submissive slut. I no longer have any control over how she uses me as a slut, with the exception of the few hard limits that neither of are interested in anyway. It is my responsibility to be open, honest and communicate to Mistress as well as try my very best to follow her commands and be obedient. Mistress will punish me or correct me if I am not behaving in a submissive obedient manner, however she may choose to reward when she sees fit as well, but I will not expect rewards for good behavior unless she gives them to me. Given that Mistress now has total control over me, she has the right to modify or add to these rules any time she pleases, and now she no longer has to discuss them with me unless she chooses to, but she does have to let me know when she wants something changed. If Mistress allows to give input or my opinion I will appreciate it but I will never again expect it.

Morning Routine:

~ Upon waking, I will strip my clothes if I am wearing any and remain naked until shower time and then I will see if there is clothing instructions.

~ Next I will email Mistress good morning and apply my lipstick.

~ I will go to the cafe for my morning coffee and paper (unless I choose to stay home for this) and I will be back home within an hour.

~ When I am back from having my coffee and paper time, I will let Mistress know and then go do my work emails.

~ Then it's time to answer any emails that Mistress has sent that didn't need immediate attention.

~ Do work to complete an hour from where I left off with emails.

~After that it is time for showering, shaving and taking care of any beauty needs Mistress wants and then if there isn't any clothing instructions I can either ask for clothes or I am just to wear my default clothing which is a slutty pink shear nightie that has slits to show off my slutty legs.

Bathroom Control:
I am required to have permission before peeing as my pee and my bathroom usage belongs to my Mistress. The exception to this rule is in the middle of my sleeping I may pee freely. I must email/call my Mistress and ask permission for peeing. If she is unable to answer my request I must wait a full 20 minutes before going pee and for the morning pee the wait is 10 minutes. If I do not ask and pee without permission or do not wait the full amount of time for her answer Mistress may correct or punish me as she sees fit. Mistress has the right to deny my pee request, or make me do her bidding in order to pee. Mistress also prefers it if I ask to pee offering something creative when asking.

Clothing:
Mistress has complete and total control over what I am wearing both inside and outside my home at all times and also it is her right to decide what I wear around friends, family or on an office day. I have no more control over my clothing at all. I am expected to be in my clothing for the day within 2-3 hours of waking, and if I need more time I must get permission. If at any time during the day I wish to change or remove clothing I must ask for permission. If I am ill with a fever I will attempt to ask but if Mistress is unable to answer I am allowed to dress more warmly and change clothes as needed. I must also have all clothing items washed and back in use within 2 days of wearing them.

Shaving:
I am required to keep my cock and ball unit shaved every 2-3 days to prevent stubble as my Mistress does prefer a smooth cock and balls, but also to prevent stubble from damaging my sensitive skin. Mistress also has total control over all of my hair. She can instruct me to shave those areas as she pleases and I must do it. I will keep my arm pits shaved all the time and I will shave my legs at least 2 times per week. I will shave my chest, belly and ass at least once per week.

Beauty Care:
Mistress has complete control over my beauty care needs. This means she controls how my hair is styled, what deodorant and perfumes I wear, my nails, my eye brows, my make up, etc etc. Bottom line is I have no control of anything beauty related or where and around whom I must wear these things. She can send me for manicures, or eyebrow shaping, or waxing or anything beauty related in public, and I have no control over that either.

Lips:
Mistress prefers my lips to always be colored for her, so I will wear my lipstick at all times unless I have permission to remove it. If I remove it for any reason without permission, even an unexpected family or friend or office visit, Mistress will still punish me as that is not her problem and she expects to be in total control because that is what I gave to her. The colorful lips are to keep me focused on my Mistress and my status as her slut all day long. I am also required to have at least one lipstick on me at all times when I am outside my home, so I may still keep my lipstick refreshed.

Toenails/Finger Nails:
My toes and fingers are to be always painted for my Mistress. Once per week I am to remove all polish and replace it with new, but I am also expected to touch it up as needed through the week! As with my lipstick this is not allowed to be removed without permission for any reason or I will be punished.

Toy:
My cock is simply a toy that belongs to my Mistress, and it's only purpose is to please and amuse her in whatever way she sees fit. I am not allowed to touch that toy without her permission. I will only touch or stroke her toy as she has outlined, nothing more and nothing less. I am allowed to ask Mistress at any time for permission for stroking, rubbing, and so forth, but I understand she may say no and deny me even the fun of touching it. If she has given me stroking time or rubbing time, there are no restrictions on edging, but under no circumstances may I cum without her permission. So I may from time to time be able to surprise Mistress with long edges. In addition to touching Mistress also controls what types of bondage, pain or anything at all that happens with her toy. I may also ask for these things too.

Horny Level:
Whether I am being allowed to touch or not, I am expected to be always as horny as possible for my Mistress and in the mood to happily accept any commands from her. Being horny 24/7 is not always realistic, but I will do my best to be the type of submissive slut she desires, with or without a high horny level because she has total control anyway.

Asking and Accepting:
My Mistress expects a balance between her commanding me and me asking her for things. This is partly because she loves when I ask for things, but also because it will help to ensure that between her commands and what I ask for, we balance each day.

Communication:
Mistress does not wish for anything we are sharing to become a burden because we are in a 24/7 D/s relationship and not every day is the same. I work from home but that is not to say that sometimes my work isn't difficult or won't take all my concentration at times, because it will. Mistress does not want our relationship to negatively impact my work, so I will make sure that I communicate with her all through the day with how my work is going and if I am hitting rough spots. The goal is that I be focused on being her slut and remaining in her total control, while balancing my work load too.

Cumming/Denial:
All orgasms that I will have belong to my Mistress and are only decided by her. I have no right to cum without her permission period. If I accidentally were to slip over the edge and cum without permission Mistress will punish me, but if I were to purposefully play with her cock and cum, the punishment would be severe. My Mistress can order me to cum any time she likes and I should be ready to be her cum slut, she can make me ruin orgasms any time she likes if she doesn't want me to feel the pleasure of it. I will respect the fact that I asked Mistress a long time ago to take control of when and how I cum, and I will please her with all orgasms, or lack there of. If Mistress wishes to deny me I will do my best to be the pleasing horny slut she wants, desperate for her, and ready to cum for her at her whim.

Mouth and Asshole:
My mouth and asshole belong to my Mistress. She may use either in any way she wishes, and these are simply holes here to please and amuse her. My asshole is to be referred only as her fuckhole, as that is its name now. Mistress has the right to put these holes she owns on display in any way she wishes.

Collar:
I am required to wear my necklace that Mistress made for me to act as a collar and be a symbol of my submission to her at all times unless I have her permission to remove it. The collar is currently not in wearable condition until it is repaired. Mistress also made a matching bracelet and anklet which I wear when she wants me to. In addition to these items Mistress can also make me wear other types of jewelry and I have no control and must obey. Mistress also has the right to make me pierce my ears and start wearing dangling earrings whenever she chooses. If I were to remove any of these items even in the case of unexpected family visits or office day, and I don't have her permission I will be punished.

Daily Ritual:
Each day I have a ritual to perform for Mistress. She prefers this take place in public but she will allow it to take place in front of my windows or on my balcony. I must think of something that will be embarrassing or humiliating and do it for Mistress for her surprised amusement. I am allowed to use props or even other things I normally need permission for as long as it does not involve cumming. This ritual should be done in a way where there is a chance someone could see me, but I don't have to time it in a way it's certain someone sees me. I should not be repeating ideas often because part of the purpose of this one is to keep Mistress surprised and entertained. If I do not have permission to skip this on any given day and I do not complete it, I will be punished.

Skype Ritual:
Every time I come to Skype and start a new Skype call I must be doing something to surprise and please Mistress when she first sees me. I am allowed to use props and do other things I normally need permission for so that I may please her, but I may not cum.

Behavior Modifications:
The purpose of these modifications is to require me to behave with slutty actions in and outside my home and to keep my focus on my Mistress and my submission to her.

Every time while shopping I will find a couple opportunities to wiggle my ass like the slut I am for my Mistress and she hopes that I will be seen.

From time to time when I am away from my home, whether it be shopping, doing errands, or at someone's house, I will use my compact mirror to check my hair and lipstick or make up etc. I also am expected to have my compact mirror with me at all times when I leave my house. If I do not I will be punished.

At all times, at home or away, when my hands are not otherwise in use, I am expected to be rubbing, pinching, pulling and playing with my nipples for my Mistress. The exception is when I am wearing something that there really isn't a point to it, such as a winter coat because Mistress doesn't expect me to put my hands into my clothing to do this in public.

Each day I will roll one die and if it is an even number I am lucky, but if it is an odd number then all the curtains and blinds in my home must remain open for the whole day regardless of what Mistress has me wearing or doing for her. Mistress also expects me to use common sense and not to do something directly in front of window that may get me in trouble or not be very smart.

Daily Dice:
Each day Mistress or myself or sometimes together will roll 6 dice. We add the total of all 6 and whatever number it adds up to, I must complete that for the day. These are not permanent fixtures but as Mistress gets bored with them over time, we tend to change them out for new things to be keep it fresh for us both. Here is the list of my current Daily Dice Activities:

6: Free Day

7: Dress and act very slutty and you will remain that way no matter what, and order in food.

8: You will choose a clothing, shoes or toy, send me a link of what you want and then order it.

9: You will roll 6 dice and add the total, that is how many edges you must give me today.

10: You will apply your lipstick using your compact mirror in public where people can see you.

11: Humiliating Outing in your cafe.

12: 50 hits to Fuck Hole meant to really hurt.

13: You will make a public blog video of something you do not like, Mistress chooses what.

14: When you are out and wiggling today, you must do it on purpose so someone sees you.

15: Mistress' Choice.

16: You must wear your high heels to take the trash outside.

17: Every time you pee you must choose to wet yourself, drink 13 sips or make pee cubes and stuff 4 in your ass and plug that fuck hole. Pee cubes remain till your next pee.

18: Attach dildo and mount slutty mouth on it, enough to struggle but not puke. Roll 2 dice to determine how many minutes you will be there. Punishment given if you unmount during.

19: You will be an eager pee slut, peeing at least 8 times and being fucking slutty in your asking.

20: You will wear sexy panties and I expect one hand to rub toy from outside as much as possible all day. Can still ask other touching too.

21: 6 Pictures to public blog, one of which you really don't like, and you have one week to post them all.

22: Full slutty make up and hair day.

23: Today you will pee squatting over your bucket, and pinching nipples either in front of window or on balcony. If I don't feel you asked enough to pee today you will be punished.

24: You will do something slutty and humiliating when taking out the trash.

25: You offer something.

26: Three hours gagged.

27: Slutty blow job on dildo and roll two dice to determine how long. Be sure to lick and kiss and suck.

28: Make me a video for our private blog.

29: Slut cuffed and tethered day.

30: You will wear feminine body spray all day, refreshing it when going out.

31: No manly clothing or shoes regardless wherever you are going.

32: 2 minutes of public humping.

33: Toy will be bound all day.

34: You will wear your bra today and have it stuffed and make sure that someone sees you for sure in public like this.

35: Go to a public place and paint your nails where others can see you.

36: You will wear your pink nightie to take your trash outside.

60 Edges and a Whole Lot of Denial!

2010-12-28T22:44:00.002-05:00

So...as if the last 5 days weren't nice enough, I had a real big surprise tonight. You see, last night Sam didn't sleep well at all, and he got up amazingly enough at his alarm clock today but he was quite tired from the crappy short sleep he got. I had some instructions waiting for him, and I told him he was to edge three times for me shortly after waking. Now a week a or two ago, I probably would have gotten some resistance from him due to his feeling, but today, he was eager even if very groggy. He got those three edges done and also got things done that needed to be done.

The day took a little different turn with him needing to go out unexpectedly for a few hours doing some errands that had it turned out had to be done today. I knew was going to get home after I got home from work and I expected him to be very exhausted and not up for much, and given how nice the last several days were I would have okay if he had just wanted to go to bed tonight.

But, nope, my slut wanted to eat a good dinner and then see what fun we could have, and he wanted to succeed and get things done that were asked of him today. While I was at work I checked his Orgasm counter and realized that today he would reach 13 full weeks without a real orgasm, and of course 13 is my lucky number, so I told him we would celebrate, and I wanted 13 edges or 1300 spanks, or mix and matching.

After he had dinner we started edging and teasing. We found that I've been keeping him as such a horny slut that the edges were coming pretty easy, but still very frustrating, even given how tired he was. So I teased him and loved it and soon enough he had gotten 20 edges done, and he told that even though he was tired, he thought he could give me 50. I was quite surprised only because of how long I've waited to really get him back, that I never really considered he could do all this on a day with hardly any sleep, not after what we've gone through. I was happy though and wanted to try.

We did these in 10's. I let him edge, and stop just long enough to really drop from the edge, and then restart. I would just tease him non stop about all sorts of things until he got 10 more edges done. I was really loving it. It was so amusing...and it really made me happy because he is so totally screwed now that he is getting better. After each 10 he took a short break which was perfect for toy not getting over used and losing sensation so this way each edge was powerful. Even better!

I teased him in all sorts of ways. Some were just fantasies that was clear would never happen but the thoughts were hot and he was hitting those edges like nothing. Others were real and things that I do have full control now to make him do, like get hair extensions, or spray tans, or very humiliating things shopping. All the teases were great because they made him edge in a way he stayed relaxed and the edges had a better effect and it greatly amused me.

When we reached 50, we kept on going, because we were having so much fun. Meanwhile my slut was telling me how big the wet spot was growing on his pants from my toy leaking all over and the best part was the only time they were touching my toy was during the short breaks, so he really was a horny leaky slut for me. And I fucking love it.

So we went to 60 edges and I warned that on the 60th I expected him to hold the edge until I said he could stop. I swear he held that edge longer than any other for me before. I don't even understand how he did it, but he says it was being more relaxed now that his body is more in balance and getting better, and if you ask me I think his submission is really strong right now and that helps to. Even though the teasing was just for fun, I could hear a lot of passion and desire in him as we talked back and forth during them, and during those times there was no fantasy, there was hard core pure submission and wanting to be used by me and me to be evil.

Well, if making my slut edge 60 times in one night, after not letting him cum for real in 13 weeks, and after ruined ones in the last few days, isn't evil, then he really should be scared what the future holds for him. This is just a beginning...and I have to say I am totally loving him being this horny for me that I am not sure I ever want to let him cum again! Hehehe. Yes, he should be very scared indeed!

Oh and on a side note, its pretty clear how much better he is already doing because when I wanted him to edge 513 times for me before he could cum, a month or so ago, after several weeks he only had a few dozen done, and now today in one night, he did more edges than he did that whole time...and it wasn't for lack of trying then, he just simply wasn't well enough. And even right now, he is 100 percent back in full health, he has a lot strength and endurance to build back and still some stamina lacking, yet look how well he is doing.

Oh and my slut says that he could pull another 10-20 edges for me still tonight if I wanted. But, I think I want my toy to be usable tomorrow and not over used and desensitized, and besides, I know damn well he just can't stand it not being touched, but I think toy has had enough for one night and needs to rest now and be ready to stand at full attention when he wakes and be needy and eager and between you and me, I hope it twitches so badly right from the second he wakes tomorrow morning, that he doesn't know how he's going to survive the first hour of the day because he is so horny...and yet I might not let him cum for many many weeks!

Yes, this week is shaping to be very much fun. Hope you enjoy!

Very Lovely Monday

2010-12-27T22:20:00.002-05:00

I still can't believe how much better things are going the past several days. I just cannot get over the turn around in Sam after he recovered from that winter virus. It is pretty clear that his over all health issues are getting better, and the moments I have waited months for, are finally starting to happen.

I was thrilled with Thursday and the 5 Ruined ones in one night and then Sam offered me total control over him with all slut related things on Friday and that made me so happy because he showed how much he really trusts me, loves me and wants to be with me, and be mine. There is something that happens when someone is sick a long time, that resentfulness at always being sick sort of rubs off to everyone you love, and so I was starting to even wonder if he really was that happy with me anymore or in love with me. Sam insisted he was, but when someone doesn't seem happy it is harder to have faith that they still desire you like they did before the sickness.

I have no doubts now. The minute that my slut felt truly better, he was back, 100 percent and giving himself to me, and being sweet and loving and making up in a day for all the months of hard times. I can't believe we just shared 5 full days in a row together that were tension free (unless you count how horny he is), happy and full of kinky D/s. It's like a dream come true, I was starting to truly lose hope that we would ever get this back.

So anyway, Sam has made a few posts too sharing what we have been up to. He woke horny and eager for me again this morning and I told him I wanted 13 edges. Let's just say the first couple were done very soon after he woke. He has been eager and on top of getting everything done for me. I also surprised him with a new thing...at least until I get bored with it, every day he will roll a die. If it's odd he will have all curtains open, and if it's even they can stay closed. When they are open anyone can see into his window at the slutty clothing he wears or some of the things I have him do. He really loved this one. I love to give him some games of chance, where he has to sweat out how each day will be. Of course I always over ride dice when I feel like it.

No ruined ones today, however I did tease him myself to several more edges. There was also some porn and vibrator stints that had him really struggling not to cum. I fucking love it. The last couple of edges we shared live were my favorite. I gave him only a minute to get to the edge and then made him hold it for a minute. That was a real struggle and I loved hearing him moan. Then the last one I made him hold it for 1 minute and 13 seconds, except when the time got closer I told him I changed my mind and he had to hold it for two minutes. That was a huge struggle and he was really moaning for me. It really turned me on and I just love it when he struggles for me. He did succeed. I was reminding him all through it that he had better not cum. I love having an obedient slut.

And what else...yes, he has been communicating so much better, and he has really been making sure that I know how much he wanted me to have this total control. There is no doubt in my mind that he really thought about it and knew exactly what he was offering before he did it. And I am loving how much better his attitude is towards me now that he is healthier and on track as my slut. I think we both were desperate for him to get there, except now he is the only one who will be desperate...to cum that is.

I made him get me off really well when I got home from work...and he did a great job. I expect to cum often and hard, even while I deny him and that is exactly how it should be. These past few days I have felt so connected to him, and so in love that it fills my heart with hope again. Hopefully the improved health continues and this is just a beginning!!!

Just to Have a Chance to Cum

2010-12-27T12:00:00.001-05:00

So Sunday night Mistress and I were skyping again and I was so fucking horny for her. She teased me to a few more edges then informed me that I would have to ruin another orgasm for her. Oh fuck. This made number 9 in three days. She said it was only because she wanted to even up my orgasm count. I was at 15 ruined ones and 16 real ones for this year and she wanted to be able to decide during this week which way it would end for the year.

After that ruined one I was horny and frustrated and wanting to cum, but I also want her to use me so hard and be very fucking evil. I need her to be evil and really use me. I love it when Mistress is evil. I love to see what her wicked mind has for me and what amuses her.

So after a little while I made her an offer to get her to consider letting me cum this year. I asked her that she could decide something really evil for me, and if I chose to do it, then there could be a very small chance that I could cum this year.

Sometimes I really should learn to be careful what I ask for, LOL. Mistress decided that I am going to have to go to a public restaurant where there is a mirror out in the open and I have to apply my lipstick, and mascara and blush right there where anyone could see me. I can already have my eye liner applied at home before going since that takes so long. Oh fuck...just wondering who is going to see me and what that is going to feel like is very fucking scary. She said that if I chose to do this then we would roll one dice and if the number was a 6 then I have a guarantee to cum this year if the task is already completed, but if she rolls any other number then I don't have any guarantee but I still have to get this make up thing done before I can ever cum again for real.

So Mistress rolled...a 3!!! I am so totally screwed LOL...and I love it. So now if I have any hope to cum again I have to get this done for her, and with the way she is pushing me, I am sure I won't want to take too long to get this done or I might go nuts because I am already so very fucking horny for her.

Thank you Mistress for being evil and taking total control of me. Thank you for using me.

sam

Even More Frustration

2010-12-26T21:46:00.000-05:00

So last night on Christmas Mistress had to go spend time with her relatives and she left me with instructions that I was to be very desperate to cum, for her, when she got home. And that is what I did. Didn't took lots of effort to be very leaky and horny slut for Mistress. And only a little more to really want to fucking cum for her.

Finally Mistress got home and she was very tired but she did use a little bit too. I couldn't wait to be used by her and good thing is she wanted to use her toy too. She made me edge many times for her again, and I really want to cum. Mistress decided she wanted me to cum to, she told me to ruin another orgasm for her. Fuck!!! That made the 8th one in just over 48 hours. Of course as frustrating as it was I did what she said and pulled hand away and ruined for her. Thank you Mistress.

After a little time Mistress had me edging again. She had me edge a few more times and then before the last edge Mistress told me it was going to be the last one and that if I wanted to have a chance to cum I should offer something for her. I am really loving her having this total control over me, so when I was getting to the edge, all I really wanted was for her to decide and so I just offered to her to please decide whatever she wanted. I could have offered something really great and she might have let me cum but I just wanted to be controlled.

Now let's talk about this morning. Oh fuck, I am in so much trouble, because now I wake horny as hell with a toy that twitches and aches to be used right from the second I wake. I love it. And so does my Mistress. She has been waiting so long to get me back to this state that I fear if she is ever going to let me cum again.

I fucking hope she will.

Please let me cum soon Mistress. Pretty please?

sam

Christmas Evilness

2010-12-25T12:48:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas to my slut, and to all of our readers. I am very happy this morning. I was beginning to lose a little hope that my slut and I would ever get back on track again after all his sickness. So many months and months and I really missed my SLUT.

This morning it is really sinking in more to him the total control he gave me, he begged me to take. I am loving it. Of course I accepted it. How could I not accept it. I was so happy because it has been a progression we have built over the last two years to get to this point, and I know how much he loves me and wants to fully submit to me and please me. And I can see how much he trusts me to, and that makes me very happy. I am one lucky woman.

And so last night I used him hard and he had an edge to end the night after that 7th ruined one in a 2 day span.

This morning when I called him to say good morning on Christmas Day he surprised me and told me that my toy was already very needy for me. Hooray!!! I have only been waiting like 8-9 months now for that to happen. I so missed the days that he woke horny and eager for me right from the first minute, and today he did. I am so so so happy!

So to have a little fun on Christmas morning before I go spend the day with my relatives, I teased him to 3 edges and we talked more about his new life now that he has no control. I also gave him two new rules that we will share with you all soon. On the second edge I really pushed him. I told him to stop asking to stop the edge and just fucking hold it for me, and he fucking better not cum. I reminded him of that a few times and made him keep holding it while I listened to him moan and struggle. Finally I allowed him to stop.

I told him before the 3rd edge that on this one I expected him to hold his edge until I came. So We got to the edge about the same time and I could have held it forever, I am talented that way. I can hold edges for hours and hours and be within 10 seconds of cumming. My slut started to so nicely ask me to cum. He said he wanted me to cum because I really deserved all the pleasure and it really was frustrating for him to know that I could cum and he just had to remain on edge. I finally let myself cum and you know, orgasms are so much nicer when you know your slut is on edge wanting the same pleasure for himself too but he can't. He just has to accept that your pleasure comes first and he gets only pleasure from that. And after I came I let him stop! And he was thankful to stop.

Today I am allowing him to rub and stroke and do things with my toy because when I get back from being with family I want him 100 percent ready and desperate to cum. Yes, that will be perfect because then I could decide if I will let him cum or keep him in that agony for as long as I desire...so many hard choices as a Mistress. Well time will tell!

Merry Christmas, and slut...I love you.
Mistress

Oh Fuck

2010-12-25T01:10:00.002-05:00

Tonight Mistress and I were skyping some more and my mind can't stop working non stop thinking what she is going to do with me now that she has this total control. My cock is twitching and throbbing for her and wants to be fucking used hard. I want to cum, I am horny and I want to be used.

So after a few more edges and me asking to cum and Mistress saying no, she made me ruin another orgasm, so that made 7 in two days. Fuck. It is so frustrating for me. It's agony to pull my hand away and ruin it, but I do it, for her.

Thank you Mistress for another ruined orgasm.
And thank you for using me.

sam

Oh Boy, What Have I Done!

2010-12-24T21:03:00.000-05:00

Well, it's nice to feel better and slutty again. And feeling a little bit of Christmas spirit I did some giving. Nothing big or major. Just a little something for my Mistress. All control of things related to me being a slut. Hey, wait. It is big. If she's smart (and trust me, she is) she can extend that control to practically every part of my life. I love it. And I know I'm gonna regret it too when things get hard, but that's what I wanted.
But enough of that for now, there's more coming in this subject in another post later.

I'm still horny. Very much so. And now it's harder (but more fun too) when I feel so much better physically. I want to cum badly now. And I know that it can be a long time before Mistress might let me cum again. That is, if we don't count ruined ones.

Like the ruined one today. After few edges Mistress wanted me to ruin another one for her. So I did. Happily. But it is so frustrating. It's not just that one, or 5 yesterday, but knowledge that I have no saying how many more there is going to be before I can have a real orgasm.

But still, thank you for letting me ruin another orgasm for you Mistress. And merry Christmas. To you, and all of our readers.

Love you.
sam

Emptying Those Balls-OMG We Needed THAT!!!

2010-12-23T23:01:00.004-05:00

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW is all I can say!!! I am so excited right now!

As you all know (well anyone who has remained interested in us these many many months) Sam has been under the weather and dealing with more than one person should have to for a lifetime, and this has not only spoiled all our plans of being together this year in person, but also really limited our play in our D/s the past many months. None of which is his fault, just a big fat sucky situation.

I was beginning to lose a little faith that we would ever be able to really get on track, or that my slut would ever be as horny as he once was for me, or that I would ever really get my Mistress mojo back again. Also when you are struggling with health and most of the D/s goes on the back burner the level of submission one can achieve is not so much either.

This past couple of weeks Sam has been hit with a couple of winter time viruses and had some fever and such, just normal sickness for this season. And as he is recovering from this last virus he got a migraine. Thank goodness not as bad as his migraines can be, but still not fun. Usually when he gets a migraine that isn't in the middle of a heat wave, it is because there is too much tension built up.

We have certainly had our fair share of tension. And Stress. And throughout the past 12 plus weeks I hadn't even let him cum at all. That alone can cause tension through the body. So I decided that it was time to give him a little release from tension. We've been treating him with kid gloves because of all this and his newer diagnosis, and I just decided today that it didn't matter if he wasn't 100 percent healthy, he needed to be used a bit and I needed to give him a little work out and get some tension out. I told him that we were going to give him a ruined one.

So to my surprise for my slut not feeling well, he seemed all for the idea when I mentioned it while I was at work. That made me happy, because sometimes in the past he is resistive when not feeling well! So I was excited that he was very open to the idea...and that made me feel more confident again. So I started to think as I finished up my work day about what I was going to tease him with and what I really want. I want to control him....I want it back. I want to push him again, and I am tired of everything being on hold all these months, that I want to really go back with a bang. So I thought of a way to take more control for myself and leave him with pretty much none and just enhance the rules that are already in place for him.

We got started right away when I was home. He hadn't even been allowed to touch my toy the past couple of weeks, and as I said hadn't cum in over 12. All it took was a couple of touches and he was hard and then with the ball separator he was bulging in no time at all. At first I only let him rub and then later when he asked nicely I let him stroke too. I started to tease him about how he is no longer ever going to have any control over what he wears. Some of the limitations that were in place, such as being allowed to remove things if his immediate family visited, are being taken away. If he removes anything without permission, even in an unexpected circumstance, he will be punished as it is not my problem. He fully agreed. We can go into more detail on those things later. Also there is going to be a new addition to his shower time each day
that is going to really be fun!

Anyway, all this got him to the edge in a nice amount of time and oh yeah I forgot to mention that after just a few rubs he told me that the overwhelming need to cum was right back strong as ever. I loved it. I fucking loved it. So there he was working toward the edge...and I really wanted him to have that ruined one for me, but I also felt that it wouldn't be too awful if I let him really cum because he has suffered so much in so many ways that a few minutes of pleasure is also something nice for him. However, there was no doubt what I wanted. I love to have ALL the control, and I love to order him, but even more so I love it when he truly offers that submission to me in a way that is harder than just obeying...so when he reached the edge....

I told him that he had a choice, he could either cum right then with pleasure after all these months, or he could ruin that orgasm just for me...his choice. I wanted more him to choose me, but I would have been okay with him cumming too. Well, my very good slut decided he wanted to ruin one for me, rather than cum, and so he did....and he pulled his hands away in time and just watched in total agony as his cum dribbled out. So frustrating.

Then he made sure I came and came hard. So nice!

Then we took a little break so we could eat and came back together. The migraine was still there but not worse...and the best part was my slut was still horny too! We were going back through the same crap we do every night, wondering if we should skype long or would it perk him, should we play some more or would that screw his sleep, etc etc. I am so sick to death of that. So I finally said that it couldn't really hurt, and that I wanted to play some more.

So I started to tease him well and get him working toward the edge again. As he was getting close to the edge again I asked him what he wanted, did he want to cum? He said that he just wanted me to take total control, he just needed to feel very controlled. As for me, well....I wasn't ready to let him cum. I wanted him to get a tension releaser without a horny slow down, and I told him that he had to ruin another one for me. He did, very obediently, and it was just as hard as always and frustrating but he was a good slut and obeyed me.

Then after about 30 seconds I told him to start stroking again. This was more of a test for me, because a year and a half ago I was able to ruin him back to back to back with no issues and then all of a sudden at one point that cause horrible pain for him. It turns out the cause was what he had to have that procedure on his urethra for over the summer, that was causing all those UTI's, so now....yahoo it works right again. In no time flat he was at the next edge and I told him to ruin another one for me. So frustrating for him and yet so fun for me.

Then after 30 seconds I made him start again. Ultimately in this second play session I made him ruin 4 O's for me without really breaking in between, which on top of the first one, was 5 ruined orgasms in one evening. That was certainly a record for him. I was more than pleased and he was so frustrated.

The end result of this, is that he is still horny as ever, actually still telling me tonight how much he wants to cum for me, but also he is nice and relaxed and had a good cardio work out and some tension released. And his migraine is no worse. He needed this. I needed this. OMG we both needed this. Mainly he really needed to submit to me again, and he submitted fully and he NEEDED that. I needed his submission and I needed to feel that total dominance again with him, and it just came flying right back, just like that we were back to our natural places together, like no time had passed, like all these months of hell never happened.

That is what I love about us, that is how I know we are meant for each other. All it took was the right situation and we were both right back where we love to be. And we reconnected and the passion was all there and the best part is that it gave us some restored confidence. Sam is more confident knowing I can use him hard and he can submit like that and give me all that in one short period of time when he isn't even as healthy as he will later be. As for me, I needed to feel in charge again and I needed to know that his sex drive is still there and he will still be able to be horny for me and that I don't have to treat him with kid gloves all the time.

Also...it is so nice to know that on this night, we spent hours and hours together and didn't allow ourselves to talk much about sickness or worry about him perking up, we just did what we wanted, and we both needed this. I am so happy right now. I have much more faith for the future of our D/s....and even though there is probably still going to be some rough roads ahead, this is a progress and a start that hadn't happened for months, and it happened tonight.

Today is a wonderful day. I can't think of a better Christmas gift that to get my slut back and to have him horny and relaxed all at the same time, and to know that even after months of tension and sickness and stress trying to tear us down, he still wanted me to be his Mistress and he still wanted to be under my control submitting to me just as much as ever, perhaps even more.

Wow, I still can't believe I got 5 Ruined Orgasms out of him in one evening. All that and he helped me cum very fucking hard, which is exactly how it should be. Now we are refocused on where we are going...and I gave my slut a little warning at the end.

I said to him, "You know slut, since Mistress made sure those balls were good and empty after all these weeks, there really is no reason I have to let you cum again for me any time soon."

And my slut said "oh, fuck" because he knows it is true, and very well could happen. Yes..there is no reason that he has to cum any time soon...and you know, if I wanted to be really evil, which I am more than capable to be, I could deny him another 12 weeks and then make him ruin 5 more O's like he did tonight and then just start all over. Yes, I have the control to do that and he hasn't a thing to say about it. I doubt I am that evil tough. :) Besides, on each of these 5 tonight, even the ones that I told him in advance I wanted ruined, he still asked and begged for each and that has made me very happy!!! I am one smiling Mistress tonight...and I am so in love with my slut that I just want shout it from the roof tops.

EDIT: So...as if the day wasn't great enough, after we skyped some more and I decided to tease my slut to one more edge. Now my toy is in the state it wants constant use, and needs it, but of course it gets only what I give it. And then after that my slut made me cum again very fucking hard in a nice intimate way, and I felt very close to him and loved and wanted. So now this is perfect, I came hard twice and he ruined 5 and ended the night with an edge that will leave him horny as hell for tomorrow!

Adjustment Period....

2010-12-05T15:15:00.001-05:00

Well it seems there will be more of an adjustment period for Sam and I than we had planned on. We were so excited when he was fully changed over to the new thyroid medication thinking that this nightmare of a summer was almost behind us. But this time his energy didn't improve enough, and many of his thyroid symptoms lingered.

We and the doctor started to suspect something else was going on. So a few more tests were ran and sure enough there is another medical condition involved that is causing his current issues. It is possible Sam has an auto immune disease which many times goes along with hypothyroidism and also shares practically the same symptoms as hypothyroidism, or it also might be a temporary condition he has right now, caused by some of the treatments he had earlier in the summer for the health issues he was facing then. If this turns out to be the auto immune disease then it would actually have been the cause of everything Sam went through this summer, along with the Thyroid medication not working properly. Only time will tell which it is and in a few months we should know more.

Until this medical condition either goes away, or for the rest of his life, Sam will have to be careful. He will be taking daily medication to replace what his body isn't producing, but it also will take a lot of balancing because the medication amount will need to be controlled in a way that the dosage he takes each day will be changed a little based on how stressful or exerting his day will be. We will also have to be careful because if there is an emergency situation this can become quite serious if not treated immediately. Also when Sam is sick we will be more careful too as his body will need more. This condition can be life threatening if not cared for quickly in a crisis situation such as major accident or injury, but it would be a pretty unlucky event if that were to happen and he couldn't be treated in time, so while it is a risk it is not very likely to happen at all if we are careful. So Sam really should be able to live a normal life even if this ends up being permanent. Of course the chance something could turn fatal is quite scary, but the more careful we are, the less we have to worry about that.

This of course isn't a great thing, but we're happy that there finally is another answer to why he isn't yet himself. And now we can deal with it and make adjustments so we can get back to living our life again more normally and Sam can get back to work soon. We are sharing this with you, our readers, because it may still be some time before we can do all the things we once were. And there may still be days when Sam has a great kinky day and then crashes the next, until he finds the right balance of medication to take. We'll see how it all goes.

But no worries...mentally he is right where I want him. We'll make the most of things, and hopefully within a few weeks our life will be much more normal. We've only just discovered this diagnosis in the last couple of weeks, and already there is some improvement, so that is a very good sign that soon enough he will be back to normal and back to work.

On a side note some circumstances at my work which I've just found out about have taken away any chance of me going to Finland before spring. I don't want Sam flying before he's really back to normal, and not during flu season, so it seems our time in person has to wait at least until spring. That really sucks, but that is life sometimes. We will make the most of it, and anyway, once Sam is really back to normal, everyday will be much better than the last 7 months were anyway.

Also, we have some new training to share about soon, and a few other fun things coming your way. Just be patient and give us time to get this blog back to normal too.

Two Happy Years

2010-11-28T10:33:00.002-05:00

Well...yesterday was our 2 year anniversary of the day we talked and decided to begin an official D/s relationship. We were already friends and he was already tasking for me for a few months and finally one night we talked and decided that we wanted more. I am so glad we did.

I've mentioned before that I went into this with the mindset that I was training him for a future Mistress, probably someone who lived in Finland, so I tried to keep it more professional at the start. At the tasking site I went by Miss Marie as my name (middle name) so I had him calling me Miss Marie. I referred to myself as his Domme. It is so funny to think back on it now, but at the time I figured there wasn't any way we would be together for a long time in reality. I figured he would get bored with the skype stuff and the way that a relationship has to be until you can be together in person all the time, and I just didn't think our situations would turn out like it has.

But there is something so special about Sam. He really is a very special person, and I couldn't help but melt when I was with him. As a few weeks passed by I realized that I was his Mistress and I wanted to be his Mistress and I didn't want to train him for some future Mistress. I was his Mistress. And so for Christmas 2 years ago I told him that I wanted to give him the gift of calling me Mistress and he was so excited.

That was when it shifted. That was when I really felt like he was mine and I developed even more naturally into my Mistressy roll with him. That was when I really took control and he really started to surrender more control. Then from there the next several months something else happened that I had not expected. We fell in love. I didn't realize it was happening, it sort of snuck up on me. I knew I loved coming home from work every day to our skype time and spending time with him. I was laughing and smiling every day. I just was very happy and this part of me that had been missing was found.

Then one night about a year and a half ago, we were talking. You see...I had been pushing the denial a bit with Sam and he was one horny slut. When we first began our relationship part of his rules said that he could have sex with women if he chose, and he could cum if he was having sex with a woman, but that he wasn't allowed to do anything kinky with them and he had to tell me about it. Like I said when we first started I felt like this was a temporary relationship. For 6 months Sam never acted on that rule, and I was denying him and he was horny and missing having sex.

So that brings us to this one magical night that I will never forget. We were skyping and it was very late at night here. It was just one of those deeper talks that sometimes you must have. Sam asked me flat out if his rule still applied, if he was still allowed to have sex with other people. I was really quiet. I hadn't even considered it because he had never acted on that rule and I sort of just forgot about that rule because we were having so much fun together. I just didn't know what to say. I was just silent.

He knew me so well by then and he said to just tell him how I felt. That he could tell by my silence that I didn't like the idea. I told him that I was afraid to tell him that I didn't want him having sex with other women because I couldn't be there to have sex with him and maybe it wasn't fair of me. But he was sweet and he made me forget all that and just be honest with him, and the truth is that NO, I did not want him having sex with other women. I actually couldn't stand the thought of it. Just thinking that he might made me want to cry.

That was when I asked him, how he really felt about me. We had been saying I love you to each other for months, and I knew how I felt, but what did those words mean to him? He told me he was in love with me and had been for a long time. And I told him I was in love with him too and that I couldn't stand the thought that he might have sex with someone else and that I didn't want him to. LOL. It was a really special night to me. After that we both were open about how we felt, and we didn't worry about the distance or all the other mountains we would have to move to ever be together, we were just two people in love. And I was so happy I can't describe it.

After that night, we really fell more in love and we started to see this as a long term relationship and we started to plan seriously his first visit here which was to have been last April. And Sam is faithful...neither of us has had sex in a very long time. So long we could cry over it really LOL. Too fucking long. But just think how the desire for each other builds when you have to wait to be together, and some of that passion just spills out into our daily life.

I've never written here before about the night we said we were in love with each other. The purpose of this blog is to entertain all of you, and to educate on a healthy D/s, but also it is a documentary of our relationship, and so I also try to just write from my heart and I also sometimes just enjoy reading back on our entries here and enjoying those memories too.

So...two happy years together. Here we still wait to be together, but now we feel more confident about moving those mountains to really be together. We are in a very different place and it is a good place. And as hard as the wait can be I just remind myself that time makes all things better, and when the time is right we will really be together. In the mean time when you are happy and smiling and laughing and passionate together, it is fun and healthy and the wait goes a little faster.

I also get super turned on knowing it has been two years since he had zero control over so many things, including orgasms and playing with that cock. I just thrive off that control of him and I am thankful he gave it to me.

Happy 2 years my love.

Happy Anniversary Mistress

2010-11-27T23:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Anniversary Mistress,

These two years have been wonderful.
And I know coming years are going to be even better.
I love you very much.
We are going to have such a wonderful future together.

Thank you for being my Mistress.

Sam

13 Embarrassing Tasks!!!

2010-11-24T09:51:00.001-05:00

Here is the list of 13 Embarrassing Tasks I've given Sam to begin working on.

As we've said before he needs me to force him to do things like this. He needs to be blushing and leaking and submitting to me. And as much as he needs it I crave it. So it balanaces us out.

1. One time when taking trash outside you must be there a few mins wiggling that ass for me and bending down and sticking it up a bit. Just think slut, you'll never know who is seeing you.

2. You must go paint your finger nails bright pink in the lobby of your building or somewhere where there's a chance you're seen being the slut you are.

3. You will go to a public bathroom with multiple stalls and put your eye make up on there. If someone happens to come in you must continue as if it doesn't matter. But if someone's in there when you enter you can wait till bathroom is empty to start. Just think how lovely that fear of being caught is going to be.

4. You will go drink coffee in your cafe wearing your jeans I sent and the white shirt I sent you a long time ago. And there must be an ass wiggling there where someone could see you. And no jacket when inside.

5. You will go for a walk outside during the day with a very full bladder. So full you wiggle your way to a private place where you'll call and beg me to let you pee out there.

6. You will call some beauty salons and find a place where they are happy to provide eyebrows and finger nail care to a slut. Explain to them that you don't have control and you need someone who won't mind doing these things to a man.

7. You will take a letter to a trustworthy post office. You will ask how much postage is at the desk and pay it. Then lick the envelope and give the seal a quick kiss to get your lipstick (brightest color) on it. I want that clerk to know you have lipstick on and are leaving me a sweet slutty kiss. Then mail it to me.

8. You will go to the dentist to get your filling wearing your eye make up and glossy lipstick. Just think slut, there isn't a chance in hell they won't notice it. :)

9. You will go shopping to purchase one new slutty outfit for me. You will hold them up in front of a mirror and admire them for me. Then buy it and come home to model it for me.
10. You will go get a hair cut. Tell them your Mistress wants long layers put in it and 2 to 3 inches off the bottom length. Tell them we still want it long but all dead ends gone and long layers so we can have more fun styling it. Of course you'll have your lipstick on and maybe something else. We'll see.

11. We will have our live blog play on video with both our voices and me teasing you in a way that you're embarrassed to know our readers will see you this way.

12. You will spend a day at home with all windows open and at my beck and call. I'll use you any way I wish all day in front of that window and I definitely hope someone sees you.

13. You will go somewhere in public where someone could discover you and you will stroke and play and edge for me a few times. Then call me and beg fucking hard to cum. We'll see if I let you. :)

So that's what awaits my slut. Very evil. It will be so much fun indeed!

Pretty Decent Week and a Few Things

2010-11-21T23:51:00.003-05:00

Since my previous post Sam has been trying very hard to get back on track. As he said in his post, he isn't 100 percent yet, but he is getting there. He still has a lot of trouble getting decent solid sleep, so it is hit or miss with his good days. It is just going to take a little longer than we thought for him to really be himself again, but the improvement compared to the summer is substantial, because he isn't getting infections anymore, he is just pretty much still worn down from all he went through and with the sleeping not being great yet, it does put a damper on his feeling many times.

That being said...I have seen him making much better efforts to get back on track. The addition of his new morning goal has really helped. Now each morning shortly after waking, he has to choose a goal for the day that is going to work on as my submissive slut and tell me what it is. He has been thoughtful in his choices, really using this to help him get back on track, and it is working how I had intended. Each day he has set a good goal and he has for the most part followed through on them. Today he wasn't able to but he put the effort in trying to so that counts as far as I am concerned. I think this morning goal will remain at least until he is fully 100 percent well, but even then I may continue with it, because there is always room for improvement in some area.

The 513 edges have not worked out at all how I wanted. Just because of him being worn down and not sleeping well. Edging how I would have wanted just takes too much strength. It really does. He has tried, and each time he manages a nice little edge marathon he pays for it the next day by being more run down. So it really isn't the best plan right now. He has been a very good slut though and was making great progress on making me cum hard :). I have decided it is in his best interest for me to end these 513 edges and the denial period associated with it. It was a tough choice, but sometimes as Mistress you have to stop something that isn't having a benefit as hoped. It is not for lack of effort on his part though, so I am pleased about how well he was trying, it is more just not feasible right now. I have warned Sam though that at some point in the future when he is 100 percent I am just going to spring it on him and we will start it new at that time.

For this week I told Sam to focus on getting desperately horny for me, and that I "may" let him cum this Saturday the 27th, but not before. And that "may" only means maybe. See Saturday the 27th is our 2 year official anniversary of starting our D/s. We've actually been sharing tasks and getting to know each other for a few months before that. So it's our anniversary and I want him to have the chance to cum. By then it will be over 8 weeks since his last orgasm anyway, and he has been making good effort to really be my submissive slut again, and I feel he deserves a chance to cum for me, if he can show me he is horny enough for me. Neither of us made any other plans, so we have the whole day for each other to celebrate 2 years.

So to be more clear, it has been over 2 years since Sam has been able to cum without permission...or since that cock was his. Or he could touch how he pleased. So lovely. I have loved every minute of our D/s the past two years, but more so, what I didn't see coming was how much we would just share our lives together, and fall deeply in love. Or how much it would hurt that our plans to get together went badly two times. But mostly, what I feel from the last two years is happiness and excitement and passion and love. And those are wonderful things to have in your life. So Saturday when we celebrate I am not going to think about April or July or the whole past 6 months that were so rough, I am just going to think how happy I am, and how passionate I feel and how much I love my slut!

Oh and I have given Sam a list of 13 very embarrassing situations/tasks he must complete as he can. I really thought of some good ones. You know how I love to embarrass him so much and make him blush, and he freaking needs it too. He needs to be forced to do those things for me. He needs to be there in public blushing and leaking for me and knowing he has no control and must obey me. Don't worry as he does these 13 things we will share all the details here on the blog for you all.

So we are getting settled into a little more routine. He's not back at work yet, but soon. May or may not be this week. Just depends when his sleeping improves and his over all feeling can be good for more than a day or two at a time. It's been so nice the past week to really feel like my slut was back to being my slut, even though there were days he couldn't achieve a horny level I may have hoped, mentally he is showing me that he is my submissive, and that was all I really wanted. I am patient and I can wait till he is 100 percent to really start using him hard again, but the difference is that now he is putting for the effort to show me he is my submissive slut rather than to just say he is, and it has made all the difference.

And to reply to one comment my slut made in his post:
"Thank you for not giving up on me and still being with me and being my Mistress."

You're welcome...I would never give up on you. I am here for you and I am not going anywhere.

So let's hope that this week is even more improvement over last week and my slut might get to cum Saturday.

Does anyone want to see the list of 13 embarrassing tasks he has to complete or shall we wait and surprise you with it as he does them?

Still here

2010-11-15T20:39:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone. I'm still alive and kicking. Not in full health yet but getting closer. What a rough time it has been since spring. Mistress has kept you updated so you know that our plans didn't work out and we're still waiting to be together.

I just want to post something today because I'm really thankful to my Mistress. She's really been there for me every day and tried hard to be positive for me even though she was really sad and disappointed. Mistress I am sorry I wasn't able to get there. There wasn't anything I could have done about what happened with me but of course I wished I had gotten there to be with you my love.

Thank you for not giving up on me and still being with me and being my Mistress. We are going to have fun when we're together and I love you very much. I hope that I'm really able to fully be back as your submissive slut very soon.

And thank you to everyone who left Mistress and myself comments these past several months.

Sam.

Happy Birthday To My Slut!!!

2010-11-13T17:36:00.002-05:00

Today is Sam's birthday! We started celebrating it last night when it was his midnight and we will continue until we go to bed Sunday night. That's the nice thing about us, we make our birthdays extra long. Makes it more fun that way.

More later.

For now, just Happy Birthday to my Love.

Getting Back on Track

2010-11-08T00:25:00.000-05:00

So it has been interesting to try to get back on track given the way the summer worked out and the sicknesses and all that Sam has been through. We've not been able to play large amounts of course this whole summer but we have had hours and hours to talk and we are still on the same page with our relationship as well as the D/s...but still it is hard to actually get back on track.

We have both been through the ringer this summer in slightly different ways and I finally realized that Sam needed not only a push but also my help in getting back on track. And it really isn't any fault of his. The way I finally saw it, he has been sicker than sick during the summer, and he was stuck in some type of limbo. Not working, waiting to get better. Just limbo. Meanwhile I had to pick up the pieces of my disappointed heart of him not being able to get here and all of our plans going bad and my worry of him being so sick, and work all summer. It really did literally take all I had some days to paste a smile on my face at work, and then of course be the best cheerleader I could for my sick slut. So we both suffered and endured in different ways but we never lost sight of what we want.

Now Sam is doing much better. Still not 100 percent, but everything is looking better each week and most likely this coming week is his last one out on sick leave from work. So really and truly our life is going to be getting back to normal all the way around...except that he didn't get here yet, LOL. I've noticed that as I tried to get Sam back to following rules consistently and being slutty again as the situations would permit, there just wasn't any consistency, which did not match what he was telling me he wanted, which is to be my submissive slut. It's not that he was really doing anything wrong, I just think that being stuck in the limbo he was in wasn't the best situation to bring forth his submissive slutty nature for me.

I was very patient all summer, and I let a lot of things slide, because he was so sick and run down. That meant that rules did not get followed consistently and those sort of things. But now it is time to get back to normal...so I had a talk with Sam the other night and I explained what he can expect to happen if I don't start seeing a very good effort at him being slutty and submissive again. It was quite a scary threat for him...I told him that he would be wearing full make up and no manly clothes period until I felt he was really able to be trusted to be my slut without it. This meant out in public too. It is a little harsh but I had to let him know what will happen if I don't see him consistently making the effort each day allows. I don't expect perfection but effort.

I also gave him a morning ritual to do each day, which is to think if a goal for the day that can help him get back on track as well as submit to me, and to let me know each morning what it is he has chosen to work on that day. This way I can help him stay on track for it. Friday he offered to me that he wanted to make his communication to me be really well done and wake my toy back up. He accomplished both. I love this because it makes him choose something to work on and improve each day, and sometimes I think those things are more effective when it's your own choice.

I also gave Sam a reminder. Not so much a punishment, but a reminder. His chest is to be written on in red permanent marker, "I am a Submissive Slut for my Mistress". It is to be refreshed and there until I no longer feels he needs this reminder. And just to be sure he is more aware, on his top of his hand, he has written something to the effect that he will make the effort to be a "better" submissive slut again for his Mistress. I wanted the hand because it is right there, being noticed all day long as you do things, and when he is out from home. Both writings will remain till I feel Sam is really back on track.

As I said, none of this is really punishment...just a push from Mistress and my way of helping him to get back on track. It isn't easy when you went through a 6 month long health crisis ordeal...and you have to get back to normal living.

The good news is that Friday, Saturday and Sunday my slut made great improvements so I can already tell that my pushes and help is working, and he is really starting to get back on track now. I am so proud of him because whether or not he wants this so strongly doesn't make it any easier to get going again, and he is finally really embracing his submissive slutty side for me again and coming back after all these months, even if it is just baby steps each day. At least now we are going in the right direction again and I can't wait for each week now.

It would really mean a lot to me of our readers could leave a comment on this post and give Sam a word of encouragement. Any real submissive knows how hard it can be to carry on submitting when you have been through a rough ordeal...and I think your comments or suggestions to him, or just support would really mean a lot.

Birthday Poem For my Sweet

2010-11-08T00:09:00.002-05:00

Every once in a while I write a poem for Sam. It's so funny because I am by far NOT a poet, of all styles of writing that is my least favorite, so I keep simple rhymes and try to just write from my heart. To read the other two poems I have written him you can click here and here. This poem which I wrote and gave to him as an early birthday gift, focuses more on our relationship just as two people in love...not so much the kinky side of us.

Sam's birthday is the 13th! Exactly 6 months after mine. So here is his first little gift, but remember I warned you that I am NOT a poet!

My Sweet Love

Oh my sweet love,

How I long each day for you.

I need you to hold me in your arms,

Like only you could do.

I’ve waited so long,

To feel your warm embrace.

To look into your eyes,

To gently touch your face.

Two years we’ve been together,

Sharing our lives each day.

Laughing and having fun.

Never running out of things to say.

I’ve not yet touched you,

But yet you’ve stolen my heart.

I can’t wait my love,

Till we are no longer apart.

I love to look into your eyes,

I adore them when they shine.

How much I long to kiss those lips,

Knowing that they are only mine.

I want to always fall asleep,

Right beside my love each night.

I’ll feel your breath against my neck,

And know that everything’s all right.

I’ve never felt so much passion,

As I feel each day with you.

I hope you never ever doubt,

How my love for you is true.

I’ve never smiled or laughed,

As much as I have done,

These last two years with you,

You help me relax and have more fun.

I love how we can talk about,

Anything and everything so openly.

I’m so comfortable with you,

All of me is here for you to see.

When I close my eyes at night,

I always dream I am there,

With you, my sweet love,

Sometimes the wait seems so unfair.

Thank you for accepting me,

Just the way I am.

I love you with all my heart,

You’re a special man, my Sam.

I can’t wait till you kiss me,

For hours straight without a break.

Leaving me breathless and happy,

Erasing every time my heart has had to ache.

I believe you were made for me,

And I was made for you.

If you weren’t in my life today,

I don’t know what I would even do.

So my sweet love, when life gets hard,

When sickness makes the days so long,

Remember that I love you regardless,

With you I am right where I belong.

New Fun Orgasm Denial!!!

2010-10-29T08:46:00.000-04:00

So interestingly enough you may notice the time since Sam's last orgasm has already rolled right past the 4 week mark. It wasn't exactly my intention but I'm taking advantage of such a kick start to start a new denial period for Sam.

Yes. It is true that I LOVE to deny my slut. Its such a hard job to decide sometimes because while I love to deny him it can also be fun to make him cum too. For ME. But...the truth is if I am going to let him cum often in fun ways for me I want the turn around time for him being my horny eager slut to be much shorter. Honestly until he is 100 percent healthy again he isn't able to give me the turn around time I desire. So I've decided to deny him for a while instead.

He will be at 100 percent changed over to his thyroid meds this weekend and soon he will be going back to work too. I am sure after not working for the past 5/6 months it is going to be a little draining first couple of weeks. Considering all these factors and the other factor which is how much I MISS MY HORNY SLUT it was an easy decision to make to start a new denial period with this 4 week kick start!

So this is what Sam must do before he has any chance of a real orgasm.

- He must ruin an O live with me the next time we play and I have something evil in store for it.

- He must give me 513 edges. Now when he is live with me he cannot stop and must hold the edge till I allow him to stop. When we are not live he must hold them 13 seconds. He will pay a penalty for any seconds he is short. The magic 513 number is because my birthday is May 13th. Hehehe. I guess he's glad I wasn't born December 13th.

- I must cum 50 times Live with him. Because I think its going to be so much fun seeing him eagerly trying to get me to cum as his horny level grows to new extremes. What Mistress wouldn't want that.

On a side note he has been warned what will happen if he mistakingly goes over the edge. Now he has never done this before but you never know. So if he should accidentally cum, even though he would have to ruin it, I have told him we will be starting back at Edge 1 but he will give me 1026 edges then before he is allowed to cum.

I don't anticipate him going through this list too fast. The nice part is he has a clear cut list. If he gets sick in between he'll just pick up where he left off. I have told him there is absolutely NO way I will be letting him cum before this is done.

I doubt he gets to cum on his birthday 11/13 but you never know. However it is possible that he is done by our 2 year anniversary on 11/27. I have told him IF he is done by our anniversary then he is guaranteed to cum very hard that day with me. Otherwise if he hasn't finished by then there is no guarantee when I will actually let him cum. Maybe I would just take advantage of using that extreme horniness to start yet. Another denial period. He should certainly consider that's possible.

So...this is going to be very much fun for me. And him. He gets a boost to get through the next few rough weeks and I get my horny eager slut back.

I would like to invite you all to tease him here and make this harder for him. Feel free to leave him comments on any post and or make a suggestion of embarrassing or humiliating or painful things I could subject him to. If you have any requests for pictures you'd like to see of him just leave a comment. If I agree I will have him accommodate it.

Can't wait for him to start those edges. He was quite eager last night to stroke my hard toy. Yes. I can't wait.

Oh and he'll be ruining a fast O today in the shower. Only because I'm considerate and a ruined one will make what I want when he ruins the one live with me just a bit easier.

Stay tuned for more...

I Know Why I Cried

2010-10-20T22:15:00.002-04:00

On my post about Saturday, I wrote about how at the end of the night as I was cumming hard for my 3rd time Sam said I Love you just as I came and I immediately started to cry. It confused me at first why I would start to cry on a happy night.

Now I realize why. Because that was the first time in months that Sam said I Love You to me and actually sounded happy and like himself. I miss that. It's been such a long few months I can't even describe it. I used to hear those words everyday in that way...and then that went away.

I think I have cried just about every day the last months, but usually from worry or because of his mood. He has been quite irritable and moody and easy to upset. This makes it very hard because at the same time I was sad and very bummed as I watched week after week go by with no hope of him coming here or me going there.

It's hard when you stand by someone, and try your very best to make them smile and laugh, even when it's hard for you to do so yourself, and then you barely get a glimpse of them being themselves. The words I love you when they aren't said in a voice that sounds happy or passionate, just don't have the same effect. Or when you ask someone if they are happy but they say yes in a voice that doesn't sound it.

There are so many ways in which I think I sort of failed Sam this summer. I did try my best, but sometimes my worrying nature comes across as nagging...and I don't like to be a nagging Mistress. Sometimes I think he might have liked to just curl up in a blanket and not come out for days but when you have someone else in your life worrying about you and here for you, you just can't do that. Sometimes I think I cried too easily and other times I think that I was overly sensitive because I missed him. When someone says I love you without the same tone they used to have you start to wonder if they really still love you just as much...or are they really still happy, even though its a silly worry because they just are sick. Then I started to sometimes feel like if I had done something better, maybe he would have been more like himself. I know these might just be silly thoughts and probably quite normal for the one who is not sick and trying their best to help the one that is. Maybe these feelings are a normal thing that comes after. It's the hardest thing in the world to see the one you love most suffering and not really be able to fix it.

At work every day, the days felt twice as long when Sam was so sick and in the hospital. And I realize how selfish this makes me sound, since his days were even longer being the one actually sick. But still...there were times I started to wonder if I was going to lose it before he got better.

I really tried every day to show him I loved him, and that it was okay that he didn't get here yet, and that I wouldn't give up on him, I would be here for him through all this, but then I would cry and it would make him feel bad. I don't really like crying but I am a person that can cry easily.

In reality I don't think I did a very good job taking care of him, because my way of taking care of him sometimes required too much effort from him...it's not the same as living with someone and taking care of them. With the distance between us, I'd get worried if he went to sleep 16 hours straight, especially when there were so many infections and stuff. If I was living with him I could have just gone in and peeked on him and known he was peacefully sleeping. I know Sam felt at times that I was doing great being there for him and being patient, because he even offered me a new rule of my choice to show me he appreciated me, but still I probably didn't do a very good job at being the caring Mistress and lover but I really tried my best.

I will always feel that I could have done better or done more. But I can't go back and change it. I can't go back and undo worry I had when this or that went wrong, or the times I cried and it made him feel bad that I was crying, or the couple of times that I got so frustrated I snapped at him. I'm not proud of the one night when I snapped and said something mean to him and then I couldn't even remember what it was I had said because I just simply snapped from frustration, yet I know he won't ever forget those words. But I know he forgave me. Just like I have forgiven him for the times he was a little mean while sick.

The bottom line is, neither of us are perfect...but maybe I could have done more to help him and wasn't able to figure out what that was, or that my caring personality came across as annoying sometimes. If I had been able to do something better for him maybe he wouldn't have been sick as long as he was.

I just know one thing, even if it does make me seem selfish...that I need to hear that I love you more often again that I heard on Saturday night, because I miss it...and I need it, and I want that every day again...that's when I will know that this summer is really behind us and my love is really back. I can't wait for the day when all of his I love yous sound like that again.

Those words said the way he said them Saturday night just melt my heart. I don't care how long we are together, I need those words. I need him. I need to hear the love and passion in his voice again. It will happen...he is getting better. I just feel like I let him down because I wasn't able to really make him feel any better, or help him in the ways that would have made things easier for him, like doing the shopping and cooking for him, just the little things that he had to exert energy to do that could have gone to getting better faster.

And I probably should not have denied him as long as I did. That one was hard. It wasn't even about denial at the end and we both knew it. He was supposed to cum with me in person, that was the deal, and I kept him denied because I kept holding onto hope that he was getting here any week...and then it finally hit me that he just wasn't going to be able to come here, and I had to let him cum.

I wanted that big special moment when he came, but really, that wasn't meant to be this summer. The special moments were the few moments when we were able to set aside all the stress and sickness, and have a night like Saturday, a night where when he said I love You to me, he really was himself, and his words held passion and love and happiness. Those were the special moments, and that is why I cried on Saturday.

Yes I am a little sappy. LOL. I can't help it. I love him so much and I only hope he really felt that every day while he was sick, and that he knows that I really tried my best and I am sorry that I fell a little short sometimes to really accomplish it. I wish I could have taken over half those sicknesses at least but it doesn't work that way. I would have though...I would have taken most of it so that he wouldn't have had to suffer so much.

I will say that this is one area where I don't really want the chance at a do over though...for his sake!

And one other thing...when Sam is totally well...I won't ever take those passionate happy I love Yous for granted...ever. They will be a treasured part of my days.

Monday Slut Fun

2010-10-19T15:10:00.000-04:00

So Sam and I have a few new things in the works. We'll get more into that in another post.

Basic thing is that we are playing a game each week which has some interesting outcomes. This weeks random chance meant he owes me a public humiliation activity.

Sam was going to be eating dinner out in a restaurant. While he was doing errands and I was home I decided to take this chance to give him his humiliation activity and I thought what better than to surprise him with it and not give him much time to plan.

So I called him on the phone and told him what I wanted and that it was not negotiable. Hehehe.

The errand he had been on was one which required me to allow him to be without lipstick. So I told him he would be waiting and not putting it on till he was sitting at the table in the restaurant and not till he was pretty certain someone WOULD see him. Then throughout his meal he was to plant 13 kiss marks all over the outside of his water glass for the server to see. I wondered how many times he would have to reapply his lipstick too. And in addition to this he was to rub my toy from outside his pants and make it hard for me there at the table.

Earlier on the phone he had asked when doing his daily ritual if he could touch my toy so I said yes. My slut called me from the bathroom there hard toy for me. Very amusing. I made him stroke while I reminded him of his place as my slut and how he has no control. Then he told me about the events at the table and I was very pleased he obeyed me. I love it.

I love that he gave up all control and I can force him to do these slutty things for me. Then I told him hands off and no more touching my toy or there would be hell to pay ;).

The rest of the night didn't go as I hoped but at least I was able to use my slut for a little but and he got his weekly thing done and over on Monday.

So Love Our Saturdays- Horny Emotional Mistress!

2010-10-18T00:02:00.003-04:00

So this Mistress has been a little busy the last few weekends prior to this one, and wasn't able to take an entire day out for my lovely slut. But I find that when I have to spend part of my weekends doing other things, I so crave a nice long Saturday for just us. So I made sure this one was left free.

Sam and I really did make the most of it too. I think we skyped on and off for about 12 to 14 hours, starting in my morning and ending at my 3:30 am LOL. It was wonderful to have that much time with him. We barely even mentioned sickness or thyroid or things like that. We just focused on us having fun together. And boy did we both need that.

I've got something fun going on right now so Sam isn't allowed to cum for a bit. More on that in another post. But I informed my slut that I wanted to cum several times and that his main focus on this day was to be making sure that I came really hard several times, and he was very happy to oblige. God I love my slut.

I am not going to go into all the details here, but he did keep me highly turned on all day long. So much so that when I went to eat my dinner downstairs I just had to shove a dildo in my pussy and rock away on it as I ate. I mean I was that horny...so he was definitely doing exactly what I wanted him to. Such a good slut he is for me.

Throughout the day I did get him to several edges, by teasing him about things I might do to him and making up some scenes that will really get him there fast. He has been much more relaxed about edges lately, he hasn't been dropping off any of them and he has been very well behaved at holding them until I tell him he can stop. I love that. It's so much more fun for me when I can torture him a bit.

I will say that each of the three times I came hard, it was only after I had been on edge for 90 minutes to 2 or 3 hours. My arm was so sore from playing with my pussy but I didn't care. I just fucking needed this. I love to lay back and play while my slut entertains me with things he tells me. I love his sexy voice and how he can create a live story for me. I find it relaxes me and I am able to hold really long edges, which in some ways I love more than the cumming. The O comes and goes so fast and as much as I need them, I also sometimes just need to be able to edge for a long time. So just imagine me spending probably 6-8 hours of that time on the edge of an O, so incredibly turned on, so longing to close this gap between us and have my toy inside me fucking me. But...I was happy with what I had.

I felt so connected to my slut/love on this day. I felt relaxed and happy, and focused on good things. No worries. It was perfect. I love cumming hard with him too...I love how hard he worked to be sure I got the satisfaction that I desired, even though he knew all he was getting was frustrating edges and denial. Through the course of our talks, even though our overall lifestyle is not back fully till he is fully well again, I can tell that he is still just as submissive for me as he always has been, and I know he craves me really putting him back there fully as soon as possible.

By the end of the night, it was late...already my middle of the night. I had been edging for a long time again and my poor pussy felt swollen and my clit was tender, but I just could not stop touching it, because he had me so turned on and I wanted to cum hard one more time. So there I was...on the edge, and I finally came hard, and just as I did he said "I love you" and something about hearing those words as I came so hard, and feeling so connected again and relaxed and happy, and such a pleasurable orgasm allowed me to relax so much that I just started to cry. It was the strangest thing. They weren't bad tears, it was really hard to describe but it was just a happy crying. I expressed something to my slut that I don't ever want to lose him. Then I just cried.

LOL

I don't think he at first knew what to think...I mean I didn't even know what to think. Emotions have been raw this summer and there has been one stress or tension after the next, and we finally had this nice day, to tune all that out, and I think it allowed me to just release some emotions in a good healthy way. And then we had quite an open talk for a couple of hours and I was finally really able to express some of my feelings about how it is going to be to leave my family if I move to Finland, which is pretty much the way it's going to have to be for us to really have a life together. After two years together and life proving how short it really can be with the way our summer went, I don't want to wait forever to start our life the way we want it, together. So it was a really nice talk and I went to bed feeling so happy. And in love. And satisfied. And pleased with my slut.

How did I ever get this lucky...to have this caring man, who happens to be just the perfect kind of slut for me, come into my life and make it so much more complete? I have no idea, but I am so glad that I have him. I am very lucky. I tell myself that every day when the going gets tough. I am lucky. :)

Two O's And a Few Things

2010-10-16T20:19:00.002-04:00

So...The last few weeks have still been rough, although not as bad as the summer.

We have been having some fun to keep us going at least. It's just a little rough process to change thyroid meds again, because both meds work differently and you have to do it slowly. Sometimes it leaves Sam feeling lousy and in a sort of over drive. Other times he feels just totally worn down. But, it is all looking up now. There haven't been any more infections now in a month. Whoo Hoo.

So hopefully in just a few more weeks he'll really be himself again.

Even though he hasn't been totally back to normal physically, slut wise he is there...well mentally anyways. I've let him cum twice a couple weeks ago. The first time was just a nice normal mild playing. It was so nice to "see" him again hard for me, edging for me and begging me to let him cum. OMG. It had been since the first week of May since I had seen that. The O I let him have at the hospital before that mild surgery was not the same because I could not see him. I loved looking into his eyes again while he edged and while he came for me. Truth be told, he came a fucking ton. I mean it was running down his legs, cock and balls were covered, it was all over his belly and side. I asked him to cum closer and show me more clearly and it was literally dripping off him onto the floor. Then I made him spread it around. Now that was something to see after all these months!

Then a couple days later I let him cum again. That time I gave him a choice. He could either cum for me and eat all the cum so I could watch, or he could cum for me into a container for the freezer, which would be turned into a cum cube. I told him that we would wait till there was 3 loads of cum for one cum cube then I would have him use that cube in some way in public and embarrass him. Now I knew what option my slut would choose. He just couldn't help himself and had to choose the cum cube. I found it amusing to no end. So there is one load of cum in the freezer and once we get the second one we are going to have some fun, or at least I will.

We have started some new things too which we will talk more about when he's really back on his feet and we are able to post regularly again. My slut has also been giving me some really intense orgasms which I love. Basically we are just in the mode to try to make the most of each day in whatever way we can. Sometimes it leaves room for some kinkiness and other times not, but the best part is that he really is getting better now. There is a light at the end of this tunnel.

Now it's already mid October, so even if we have to wait till 2011 to be together, it doesn't seem quite as far, and when he is fully well and we are back to normal fun, each day is just going to go by faster. I know one thing, I love him. I don't take him for granted. I felt quite helpless while he was sick, because all I could really do is be there for him, spend time with him, but I couldn't really help. Not like I could if I could have been there. And I wanted to be there, but I couldn't get any time off work :(.

In some ways I think it really says a lot that after the nightmare of this summer, we are still together and happy. I am really ready to be done with the distance though, so I hope that in the year 2011 we can make more of a move to just be together all the time. We have been together for over 2 years now and in our official D/s for just about 2 years. Next month is our 2 year anniversary.

Sam's birthday is coming up in November and I am giving him the gift I gave him last year, me. What a nice gift. I still enjoy kinky things and some pain too, so on his birthday we will have a little tradition that he gets to have some fun with me. Last year we did have fun, but he also had a fever, so I am hoping for a healthy birthday for him so he can really enjoy his present.

We have been talking about the videos we want to make for you all soon. We are going to have some videos where Sam is doing as I direct, and you can hear my voice and his, and see him. So you'll be able to hear our dialog and see him playing for me, or suffering pain or whatever. I'd like to post maybe one per week. I think it will really be fun and help you get to know us more, also it puts my slut on display where I like to make him be for me.

Hopefully our regular readers can bear with us as we take a little more time to get back to normal. Sorry for not posting much but some days it just takes all we can do to get through the day. We are looking forward to getting normal again. And sometime soon Sam has a few things he wants to say here for you all too.

Making Him Choose Clothes-Part One-Slutty Things I could Make Him Wear

2010-09-25T11:10:00.008-04:00

Slutty Clothes For Me To Make You Wear

So...as you know with Sam having such a rough summer, I have had to be creative in how I could use him as a slut, keep him focused on our happy future together, as well as just keep him cheery. There isn't much by way of physical tasks that can be done when one is in the hospital...but I came up with this great one to use him mentally. I gave Sam 5 categories and told him he needed to find me pictures of clothing to match each category. This was the first category. I expected 5 items for each one.

This is really quite evil, to send him off to choose his own clothing like this, because he really only wears any of this FOR ME and because he needs me to control him in this manner. I loved knowing he was spending hours searching for the clothes that would fit into the right categories, all the time knowing these would be used against him later hahaha.

When he sent the first one I replied telling him what I might make him wear that doing, and after that my greedy horny slut begged me to keep doing that. Yup, it wasn't enough for him to choose these things, he needed that constant reminder how I would torture and control him with them too. This task also goes nicely with the fact that Sam recently begged me to make him throw away all his manly panties and never let him wear them again. How could a Mistress say no to that ;). And another new rule going into effect is that from here on out every single time he is away from home, he must be wearing panty hose, garters or stay ups. I want him aware even more every second when he is away of his slut status. And I know how submissive it is going to keep him to be that way for me. So here we go...

Sam:
Something more 'casual'. LOL. But leaves chest and legs exposed. Little slutty, but very 'making me blush kind of dress.

Me:
I love the form fitting aspect of this. Needs black heels though. I'd make you wear this and do a sexy strip tease video for blog.

Sam:
And bra and panties set. Slutty, but not overly. And you know what I think of bras. LOL

Me:
I love this one. Almost looks purple/pink. :). I think I'd make you wear that under your jeans I already gave you when you go meet a friend for coffee. White t shirt only over jeans. Hehehe

Sam:
Mistress, Oh, fuck. Your toy's gonna leak like crazy.

Sam:
What can I say. Just slutty.

Me:
Very sexy and slutty. And with a chest like that we would have to get you a strapless water bra to give a bit of a bump under those accented areas. :). Then your collar and some body glitter. I'd send you out to enjoy a couple beers at the bar while watching a game :)

Sam:
Mistress, You're evil. Watiching game like that. LOL

Sam:
And something slutty for everyday out from home use. LOL

Me:
Oh fuck. That's so fucking perfect for you slut. Imagine how my toys gonna feel trapped in that while you're at office. And the feel of those on your legs driving you wild all day.

Sam:
Color and belt, oh fuck. And leaves legs bare too. Would feel quite slutty in this. And blushing like mad.
And not to mention how this would show ass too. Think of me wearing high heels and bending with this.

Me:
Perfect. Yes. Would be very slutty watching you bend over. I love how your sexy hips would look in this. And those sexy legs right on display nicely. Pink for a good slut. Could make you go for coffee in this :)

Sam:
Oh, fuck. Cafe wearing this would kill me.

Stay tuned for more categories coming soon...let's just say the categories got harder and harder...you haven't seen anything yet!

13 Reasons I Love Being His Mistress

2010-09-24T22:08:00.001-04:00

These are not in any order.

1. When Sam first started tasking for me there was just something about him. He really truly needed me to turn him into a slut. I could tell from the second I met him that he was sincere and genuine. And I felt a calling inside me to be the Domme he needed.

2. I loved the moment when I realized I was no longer just the Domme training him for a future Mistress but that I was indeed HIS Mistress. I first thought the distance between us would mean he would eventually seek another Mistress closer. But after a few weeks in our official D/s I just knew he was totally mine and I would never want to lose him.

3. After I realized he was truly mine I offered to him the gift of calling me Mistress. I will never forget the first time I heard him call me Mistress and looked into his eyes. It was amazing and made my heart flutter and it made me feel complete. It doesn't matter how many times he says it...it melts my heart.

4. I love his trust in me. Sam trusts me totally. He has never doubted me and he has trusted me to guide him and use him and get him to where he needs to be for me. This sort of trust is a treasured gift because I know he wouldn't just give it to anyone. Someone has to earn that. I love that I earned it.

5. I love and crave and need his surrender to me. I thrive most when he submits most. I love how it makes me feel to see him obey. To see him be pushed. To see the love and devotion in his eyes as he submits and surrenders to me. It is one of the most wonderful things in the world.

6. I love having all this control over him. I just fucking love it. I love knowing I have the power to use him as I please. To embarrass him whenever I wish. To humiliate him. To make him struggle. I love that he allows me to make him feel so controlled. I love that he loves it. I never abuse the power he has given me but I also make sure to fully use it.

7. I love how just the slightest sexual aspects of my control over him makes me horny as hell. I love that just a certain word from him can have me running to the bathroom to cum or have me rubbing my nipples wherever I am. This sort of sexual energy is just what I crave. I need it.

8. I love that I have a slut who is so open minded. He's always up for at least trying practically anything I want. That's so important because it allows me to be creative.

9. I love that he will in fact eat his cum for me. Even though he hates it. He will submit to me and let me see the total complete submission and surrender he gives when he performs that act for me. It turns me on greatly to watch him eating his own cum for me. I love the struggle and I love the devotion and just the act gets me hot. I love that he hasn't made this a hard limit even though he hates the taste and texture. He does it FOR ME and I love every single time.

10. I love that I get to be sadistic and evil and wicked. I love spanking his balls and watching him groan in pain and especially I love to cum while he does that. I love spanking him and doing cbt with him. I just love making him feel pain for my pleasure. And I fucking love that he is my good pain slut. I love when he craves me to make him hurt for me.

11. I Love the "oh fucks" I get from him when I use him. It is classic. I love that even after all this time together I have the ability to get an "oh fuck" from him anytime I want. I just love it.

12. I love being in love with my slut. When you mix all the domination and submission with a passionate love it is magical. Everything is better. It completes you and brings you closer together than ever. It can even transcend time. It can fill the physical gap and just connect you in a way that could never be as strong without all of it.

13. I love that in being his Mistress we have a lifetime of love and excitement ahead. The possibilities of things we will do and places I will take him with me are endless. I love that he is mine and my love and no matter what rough times we go through all it takes is a simple connection to remind me that our life together is amazing and it can only get better when the physical distance between us is gone and we can just be together.